父母的“谎言”背后

By Ann Brenoff

Six Lies That Older People

Tell Younger People

Sometimes， theres a reason behind it.

1. Im broke.1

A Facebook friend complained how her in-laws cried poverty when she asked them to pay for their grandkids camp last summer and then announced at Thanksgiving that they just booked a cruise2 to Alaska. “They have money for that，” she wrote irately3， “but not to help their own grandchildren！” She oozed indignation，4 which is probably why the grandparents lied about being broke in the first place.

Its their money. This is their retirement. They worked hard for years and years and how they spend their money is their choice. It doesnt mean that they dont hope their grandkids have a great summer. It just means they have always wanted to see Alaska and now they are finally able to.

Whether its a request to bail the kids out of credit card debt， to help out with college or take over a car payment， few people make it through retirement without being asked to help fix a family members financial problems.5 As a result， some retirees “dial down the dialogue on their true wealth in order to politely fend off family members who struggle to manage their own finances，”6 wrote Forbes ever-so-nicely. Put more bluntly7： They lie. They lie because if retirement isnt the time to put yourself first， when exactly is that time？

2. Im doing fine.

About 36 percent of Americans have nothing saved for retirement. They will rely on Social Security8 to live； 47 percent of single seniors say that 90 percent of their income comes from Social Security. Living on Social Security， with its average payment of $1，335 a month， can hardly be described as “doing fine.” People say this when they dont want you to worry about them. Maybe somebody should be worrying. Pride can be a dangerous thing. Seniors have been known to cut their medications in half to make them stretch longer or not turn on the heat to save money.9

3. Im so busy.

Most adult children want to believe that their parents are living active， happy and fulfilling10 lives. They want to believe that until they want them to babysit. Then they want them to be available at the drop of a hat11. Grandkids can sometimes be a handful12. Most grandparents are happy to help out with the kids， but no one likes being taken for granted13. Its a fine line and both sides need to be mindful of crossing it.14

If its any consolation， researchers from the Womens Health Aging Project in Australia found that postmenopausal women who spend one day a week caring for their grandchildren have a lower risk of developing Alzheimers and other cognitive disorders.15 However， the study found， those who spend five days a week or more caring for little ones have a higher risk of developing neurodegenerative disorders16.

Just know that when you hear “Im so busy，” it might have more to do with stepping on Lego pieces than playing Mah Jongg.17

4. Ive never had a car accident.

That may be true， but it also doesnt speak to how many accidents were caused by Moms erratic18 driving. Lets face it， aging brings vision problems. By the time we hit 50， most people are reaching for reading glasses19. Eventually， night-time driving starts to be disorienting20. Headlights coming our way can be blinding and the changes in street illumination make it difficult to navigate.21 Freeways are frightening when our vision is impaired and our reflexes slower.22

Statistics show that accidents increase after the age of 65， and fatal23 accidents are more likely after the age of 75.

Still， driving is the key to independence. It behooves adult children to do a walk around Dads car once in awhile with an eye looking for new scratches or dents.24 And if its time for “the talk，” be ready to include some practical alternatives： Does Uber work in his neighbourhood？25 Should he live closer in town where he can walk to things？ What public transportation is available to seniors？

5. Its just a head cold.

Head colds dont last for three months. Bruises26 dont appear without cause. Walking shouldnt be painful. Chest pains arent nothing.

Some seniors are simply doctor-adverse27. They adopt a “what I dont know cant hurt me” policy and just ignore symptoms28. Some are just afraid of unlocking the medical Pandoras box and fear that one visit to the doctor will result in weeks of being poked and prodded in follow-up tests and a shelf full of prescription drugs， each with side effects that trigger more medical intervention.29 Theyd rather just sound a little hoarse30.

Respect their right. And make sure you understand and accept their views about end-of-life care. Everyone needs a written medical directive and an executor who will make sure it is honored.31

6. I dont want to be a burden.

Technically， this isnt a lie but more of a half-truth. We are programmed to want our kids to grow up and live full happy lives. To become the person who causes them worry and stress is the last thing any of us want. That said， if you cant turn to your family， who can you turn to？ Older people want to know they will be loved and cared for when they no longer can fend for32 themselves. In an ideal world， they wont outlive their money and it will be used to provide their care.33 In the real world， their care is likely going to fall to family or “chosen family”—meaning their friends.

1. 我没钱。broke： 穷的，没钱的。

2. cruise： 乘船游览。

3. irately： 愤怒地。

4. ooze： 显示出，表现出； indignation： 愤怒，愤慨。

5. 无论是帮孩子还信用卡、支付大学费用，还是帮孩子花钱买车，基本上每个人在退休后都经历过这样的事——在家人的请求下帮助他们解决经济问题。bail： 帮助某人摆脱困境，下句的help out有相同的意思。

6. retiree： 退休的人；dial down： 减少；fend off： 避开。

7. put more bluntly： 更坦率地讲。

8. Social Security： 社会保障，社会保险。

9. 众所周知，很多老人会少吃一半的药，使用药时间维持更久，或者他们不开暖气，以此来省下钱。medication： 药物，药物治疗。

10. fulfilling： 有意义的，令人满意的。

11. at the drop of a hat： 随时，立刻。

12. handful： 难以控制的人（尤指孩子）。

13. take for granted： 认为……理所当然。

14. 这里存在一条微妙的界限，双方都要小心不要越界。fine： 细微的；be mindful of： 注意，留心。

15. consolation： 安慰，慰藉；postmenopausal： 绝经后的；Alzheimer： 阿尔茨海默病，俗称老年痴呆症；cognitive disorder： 认知障碍。

16. neurodegenerative disorder： 神经退行性疾病，是大脑和脊髓的细胞神经元丧失的疾病状态，主要分为运动功能障碍和记忆与认知功能障碍两种。

17. Lego： 乐高玩具；Mah Jongg： 或拼为Mahjong，麻将。

18. erratic： 无规则的，无常的。

19. reading glasses： 老花镜。

20. disorienting： 使人失去方向感的。

21. headlight： 车头灯；blinding： 使看不见的，遮挡视线的；illumination： 照明；navigate： 驾驶。

22. freeway： 高速公路；impair： 损害，削弱； reflex： 反应，条件反射。

23. fatal： 致命的。

24. behoove： 对某人来说理应或必须； scratch： 划痕；dent： 凹痕。

25. alternative： 可供替代的选择；Uber： 优步，一款打车软件。

26. bruise： 淤伤。

27. doctor-adverse： 不爱看医生的，adverse意为“对立的，敌对的”。

28. symptom： 症状。

29. 有些人只是害怕打开了医学上的“潘多拉的盒子”，去看一次医生之后还要连续几周进行各种检查，让别人在自己身上捅来捅去，还得开一架子处方药，而且这些药都有副作用，可能还要再去看医生。poke： 捅，戳；prod： 戳，刺；prescription drug： 处方药；trigger： 引发；medical intervention： 医疗干预。

30. hoarse： 声音沙哑的。

31. directive： 指示，指令；executor： 执行人。

32. fend for： 照料，抚养。

33. ideal： 理想的；outlive： 比……活得长久。