基于学业监测的读后续写分析与“TEAMS”讲评研究——以2023 年6 月广州市高二英语八区联考读后续写试题为例

张志梅

（广东省广州市海珠区教育发展研究院）

2023 年6 月广州市高二英语八区联考属于水平二测试，考试范围为选择性必修一（第2、3、4、5 单元）、选择性必修二（第1、2、3、4 单元）。按照《课标》水平二对写作的要求：能概述所读语篇的主要内容或续写语篇，在试题中包含了读后续写的考查。笔者对本次质量监测学生的读后续写答题情况进行分析，探讨运用“TEAMS”框架有针对性地讲评指导策略。

一、试题分析与师生作文

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Many years ago, a little boy named Antonio lived in Italy with his grandfather, who was a stone cutter.He liked to go with his grandfather to the stone yard.While his grandfather was busy cutting the stone blocks, Antonio would play among the chips.Sometimes he would make a small statue out of soft clay; sometimes, he would try to cut a statue from a piece of rock.Antonio showed so much skill that his grandfather was delighted.“The boy will be a sculptor someday.”

There lived in the same town a rich man called Count.Sometimes Count would have a grand dinner,and his rich friends from other towns would come to visit him.Then Antonio’s grandfather would go up to Count’s house to help with the work in the kitchen,for he was a fine cook as well as a good stone cutter.

One day, Antonio went with his grandfather to Count’s great house.Some people from the city were coming, and there was to be a grand feast.The boy could not cook and was not old enough to wait on the table.But he could wash the pans and kettles, and as he was smart and quick, he could help in many other ways.

All went well until it was time to spread the table for dinner.Suddenly, there was a crash in the dining room, and a man rushed into the kitchen with some pieces of marble (大理石) in his hands.He was pale and shaking with fright.

“What shall I do? What shall I do?” he cried.“I have broken the statue that was to stand at the centre of the table.I cannot make the table look pretty without the statue.What will Count say?” And now all the other servants were in trouble.Count would be very angry.

Paragraph 1：

Then little Antonio went up to the man who had caused the trouble.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2：

When the guests came in for dinner, the first thing they saw was the yellow lion cut out of butter.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

原文属于《课标》“人与自我”及“人与社会”的主题语境。故事以人物为线索展开，小男孩Antonio 是雕刻匠人的孙子，有雕刻的天赋且从小耳濡目染，练就了很好的雕刻技能。一次爷孙两人在富人Count 家做临时帮工时，仆人不小心打碎一个很重要的装饰餐桌的雕塑品，眼看宴席即将开始，仆人非常惊慌无助。此时，Antonio 挺身而出，用黄油雕刻了一头狮子，将其替换打碎的雕塑品，帮助仆人渡过难关。

一段浓缩机实质上起到水力分级作用，应该尽可能多地将大于0.045 mm粒级沉淀下来，并保证底流中小于0.045 mm粒级产率小于40%，为沉降过滤式离心脱水机创造必要的工艺条件。该设备的入料、底流、溢流的粒度组成见表2，以此计算出各粒级在底流中的分配率，并绘制出分配曲线(见图2)，该厂的一段浓缩机工艺指标见表3。

老师范文：

Then little Antonio went up to the man who had caused the trouble.“If you had another statue, could you arrange the table?” he asked.“Certainly,”said the man.On the kitchen table, there lay a large square lump of butter.With a kitchen knife in his hand, Antonio began to cut and carve this butter.With each stroke under his skilled hands, he gently sliced into the butter, creating precise lines and shapes.Finally, a crouching lion stood proudly before him.All the servants crowded around to see it.“How beautiful!”they cried.

When the guests came in for dinner, the first thing they saw was the yellow lion cut out of butter.“What a stunning statue!”they exclaimed.Curious,Count asked the head servant where he had found such an amazing statue.“It was carved by a little boy just an hour ago,”the servant said with trepidation.Instead of getting angry, Count said happily, “The new statue is better than the old one.Now let me meet the great sculptor!”His grandfather smiled，“The boy will be an excellent sculptor someday.”

学生习作：

Then little Antonio went up to the man who had caused the trouble.“I have an idea.”Antonio said to the man.“You? But you are just a little boy.” The man didn’t trust little Antonio.Antonio just found a block of butter and started to cut it without saying a word.His grandfather just smiled and looked at his grandson.He knew Antonio could make it.After a while, the butter turned into a yellow lion.The other servants couldn’t believe it was made by a little boy.The man who caused the trouble laughed and shook hands with little Antonio with gratitude.Then, they put the yellow lion at the centre of the table.

When the guests came in for dinner, the first thing they saw was the yellow lion cut out of butter.They were all surprised by the special statue.When Count came in, he also noticed the lion.He picked up and asked,“Who cut this amazing statue with butter?” All the servants looked at little Antonio, “It’s me, I cut the statue.” Count was surprised by this little boy.He also said to Antonio’s grandfather, “You have a grandson as good as you.” His grandfather laughed happily and Antonio laughed, too.

二、问题诊断与改进策略

本次读后续写的评分标准与全国卷评分标准保持一致。包括：与所给短文及段落开头语的衔接程度；内容的丰富性及与所给内容的逻辑衔接程度;语法结构和词汇的丰富性和准确性;上下文行文的连贯性。阅卷数据显示：全区考生3 144 人，全体均分14.4，得分率为57.6%，最高分为24 分，有44人0分，零分率占1.4%, 标准差4.2，难度0.58。从平均分和难度系数看，全卷难度 0.65，读后续写难度0.58，是所有能力板块中通过率最低的，说明读后续写是学生最需要提高的题型。存在的主要问题如下：

1.语篇(衔接不紧凑、逻辑不连贯)

（1）续写未能与给出的首句连接，如：第一段首句讲Antonio went up to the man who had caused the trouble, 但部分考生紧接着的续写却是Antonio 与Count 进行对话互动；

（2）对第二段首句关键词butter 单词意思不理解，导致第一段情节与第二段不一致，具体表现为在第一段中，出现Antonio 使用marble 进行雕刻而不是使用butter，又或mix the marble with butter 等。

2.内容(情节单薄、不符合主题)

（1）部分考生缺乏生活常识，逻辑不严谨，没注意当时时间紧，Antonio 年纪小，力气弱，而石头坚硬，不可能在短时间内使用石头将雕刻完成，更不可能用石头雕出多个作品，如：Antonio came with some small statues made up of the marble.

（2）缺乏文化背景知识，角色言行失当，如写到Antonio 坐在宴席上回答Count 的问题。

3.语言(词汇和语法使用的准确性低、丰富性不足)

（1）拼写错误，如：comforted 写成comfored,create 写成creat, breaking 写成broking, delightedly写成delightly, afraid 写成afriad, perfect 写成prefect,nodded 写成nudded/noded, praising 写成prising,voice 写成voise, solve 写成slove, calm 写成clam,solved 写成soluted 等；

（2）不规则动词错误，如： hided (hide),hitted (hit), standed (stand), cutted (cut), though/through/throught (think), shaked (shake), broked(break), heared (hear), replyed (reply),以及将broken和known 当成过去式等。

（3）各种语法错误，如：主谓一致错误、时态错误、双谓语、中式思维等。 如：

They didn’t know what Antonio are doing.（主谓一致与时态错误）

The man didn’t think a little boy who the grandson of a stone cutter could help him.(中式思维)

针对以上问题，采用以下改进策略：针对语法词汇的准确性问题，要求老师指出错误所在，学生先自改后与同伴互改，做到拼写和语法正确；写作时间安排也是影响本次考生写作产出的一个重要因素，很多学生都反映时间不够，所以，在写作时间分配上也要对学生加强指导；针对语篇衔接和内容丰富性问题，建议尝试运用“TEAMS”框架进行讲评。

三、“TEAMS”框架在读后续写讲评课中的运用

下文以联考读后续写试题为例，运用“TEAMS”框架，让学生修改出与原文衔接合理、语意连贯、逻辑相符又有文采的续文。

T 是指Theme 主题或Transitional sentence 衔接句；

E 是指Emotion /Environment 心理描写/环境描写；

A 是指Action 动作(链)和Appearance 外貌神态描写；

M 是指Monologue/Dialogue 独白/对话；

S 是指Style 语言风格。

其中，Action 是助推情节所必要的，Emotion、Environment、Appearance、Monologue、 Dialogue、Style 的写作顺序和次数可根据故事情节需要适当调整。

Step 1 读懂原文“TEAMS”

续表

Step 2 学习范文“TEAMS”

Step 3 评价“TEAMS”， 提升习作

续表

四、结语

《课标》提出要突出学生在评价中的主体地位，关注学生的全面发展和进步。作为评价过程的主要参与者，学生应在教师的指导下，学习使用适当的评价方法和可行的评价工具，积极参与评价，发现和分析学习中的具体问题。应提倡学生开展自评和互评，加强学生之间、师生之间评价信息的互动交流，促进自我监督式的学习，并在相互评价中不断反思，取长补短，总结经验，调控学习，把教学评价变成主体参与、自我反思、相互激励、共同发展的过程和手段（教育部，2020）。评价反馈是读后续写的关键环节, 运用“TEAMS”框架，可以指导学生在读懂语篇的基础上，紧扣主题意义合理续写，通过自评和互评提升写作效果，这一过程有助于学生融合语言知识和文化知识，提高创造性地表达思想和情感的高阶思维能力，实现深度学习和核心素养发展的目的。