2023 年高考新课标Ⅱ卷高分写作及教师点评

叶永霞

（辽宁省实验中学东戴河分校）

编者按：2023 年高考新课标Ⅱ卷“第四部分 写作”内容与新课标Ⅰ卷“第四部分 写作”内容相同，故本文不再展示试题，仅对高分习作和教师点评进行展示。

应用文写作

【佳作展示·辽宁省实验中学东戴河分校·狄祉同学】

Dear Ryan,

I’m Li Hua from Class 3.Knowing that you intend to randomly divide all students into two -people groups,I’d like to propose some suggestions.

Frankly speaking,your decision has the potential risk of splitting up close friends,ruining their passion for English learning.Worse still,simple two -people communication may not enable students to deal with complicated contexts.So,were I you,I would choose the method of “free talking”,where students can communicate freely and grasp more skills at the same time.

I sincerely hope my suggestions will be of help to you.Yours sincerely,

Li Hua

【作品点评·辽宁省实验中学东戴河分校·叶永霞老师】

该习作较好地完成了试题规定的写作任务。文中应用了丰富的高级词汇和语法结构，如非谓语动词、定语从句、虚拟语气等。全文内容充实，结构紧凑，主次分明，衔接恰当，无拼写、语法错误，体现了学生较高的英语综合书面表达能力。

预估得分：13 分

读后续写

【佳作展示·辽宁省实验中学东戴河分校·狄祉同学】

A few weeks later,when I almost forgot the contest,there came the news.I finished in first prize.I was numb with shock,as if rooted to the ground.All my classmatesglued their eyes to me,utterly dumbfounded because never had they thought that I would win first place in an English writing contest.Unable to conceal his delight and excitement,my teacher leaned over to give me a tight embrace and said with great resolution,“You make it.”After several days,an award ceremony was held.When the host announced the champion,a deafening cheer rising from the crowd,I came striding towards the center of the stage and accepted the award.

I went to my teacher’s office after the award presentation.I came running along with quick feet full of joy.When I entered,he raised his head.I paused,looked straight into his eyes,and said in a thrilled voice,“I owe you a debt of gratitude.Without your guidance and encouragement,I couldn’t have won the first prize in the English writing contest.”My teacher replied with a smile,“It is your continuous efforts that help you make it.”Through this contest,I came to realize that Where there’s a try,there’s a way.

【作品点评·辽宁省实验中学东戴河分校·叶永霞老师】

该习作在审题、衔接、语言、主题升华等各方面均达到了一篇高质量续写作品的要求。在思维上与原文和段首句合理衔接，同时增加了一些细节描写，使行文连贯顺畅；使用了丰富、多样、准确的词汇和语法结构，如非谓语动词、独立主格结构、时间状语从句等。对人物的心理活动和动作描写到位。表现出了学生较高的水平，达到了预期的写作目的和效果。

预估得分：23-24 分