The Luncheon午餐

【导读】毛姆尤以短篇小说闻名，短篇作品被誉为其文学桂冠上最耀眼的明珠。毛姆一生共创作了120余篇短篇小说，出版了《东方行》（Orientations，1899）、《叶的震颤》（The Trembling of a Leaf，1921）、《木麻黄树》（The Casuarina Tree，1926）、《英国特工阿申登》（Ashenden： Or the British Agent，1928）》、《第一人称单数》（First Person Singular，1931）、《阿金》（Ah King，1933）、《世界主义者》（Cosmopolitans，1936）、《照原方配制》（The Mixture as Before，1940）、《环境的产物》（Creatures of Circumstances，1947）9部短篇小说集。

他的短篇小说主要分为三类：一是以英国海外殖民地为背景，二是以欧洲的社会生活为题材，三是以间谍阿申登为中心人物。《午餐》属于第二类，是毛姆短篇小说中的名篇，反映青年作家在面对异性时的稚嫩和矛盾，以及女读者的贪婪与虚伪，故事生动有趣，令人忍俊不禁。

I caught sight of her at the play and， in answer to her beckoning， I went over during the interval and sat down beside her. It was long since I had last seen her and if someone had not mentioned her name I hardly think I would have recognised her. She addressed me brightly.

我在剧院看戏的时候看到了她，她向我招手。幕间休息时，我走过去在她旁边坐下。我们已经很久没见面了，若非有人提起她的名字，我几乎都认不出她来。她兴致勃勃地跟我聊起来。

“Well， it’s many years since we first met. How time does fly！ We’re none of us getting any younger. Do you remember the first time I saw you？ You asked me to luncheon.”

“我们认识不少年啦。时间过得真快！转眼，我们都已不再年轻。你还记得我第一回见你的情形吗？你邀请我共进午餐。”

Did I remember？

我能不记得吗？

It was twenty years ago and I was living in Paris. I had a tiny apartment in the Latin quarter overlooking a cemetery and I was earning barely enough money to keep the body and soul together2. She had read a book of mine and had written to me about it. I answered， thanking her， and presently I received from her another letter saying that she was passing through Paris and would like to have a chat with me; but her time was limited and the only free moment she had was on the following Thursday; she was spending the morning at the Luxembourg and would I give her a little luncheon at Foyot’s afterwards？ Foyot’s is a restaurant at which the French senators eat and it was so far beyond my means that I had never even thought of going there. But I was flattered and I was too young to have learned to say no to a woman. （Few men， I may add， learn this until they are too old to make it of any consequence to a woman what they say.） I had eighty francs （gold francs） to last me the rest of the month， and a modest luncheon should not cost more than fifteen. If I cut out coffee for the next two weeks I could manage well enough.

那是二十年前，当时，我还在巴黎，住在拉丁区一间前临公墓的小公寓里。我的收入仅能勉强维持生活。她曾读过我的一本书，并就此事给我写过信。我回信谢谢她，随即又收到她的一封信，说她要路过巴黎，乐意与我一谈；不过时间有限，仅有的空当在下周四。她那天上午在卢森堡公园，不知我可否愿意随后请她在福约餐厅午餐。福约餐厅是法国参议员用餐的地方，远超我的经济能力，我连想都不敢想去那里就餐。可是我被奉承得晕了头，更何况当时太年轻，还没有学会拒绝一位女士。（附带说一句，极少有男人做得到，而等他们学会之时，却年事已高，说什么对女人已经无关紧要了。）我还有八十法郎（金法郎）撑到月底，有节制的一餐所费不会超过十五法郎。接下来的两周省掉咖啡的话，满可以对付过去。

I answered that I would meet my friend—by correspondence—at Foyot’s on Thursday at half-past twelve. She was not so young as I expected and in appearance imposing rather than attractive. She was， in fact， a woman of forty （a charming age， but not one that excites a sudden and devastating passion at first sight）， and she gave me the impression of having more teeth， white and large and even， than were necessary for any practical purpose. She was talkative but since she seemed inclined to talk about me I was prepared to be an attentive listener.

于是我回复说乐意与朋友——笔友——于周四中午十二点半在福约餐厅小聚。她没有我预想的年轻，与其说外表迷人，不如说气势逼人。事实上，她已经四十岁了（一个有魅力的年龄，但也不会令人一见就激情迸发），我当时印象最深的是她的牙齿似乎比实际需要多一些，很白，很大，很齐整。她十分健谈，鉴于她倾向于谈论跟我有关的事情，我就预备着做个好听众。

I was startled when the bill of fare was brought for the prices were a great deal higher than I had anticipated. But she reassured me.

餐单送上来时我心里咯噔一下，价格比我预计的高出许多。但她的话让我放了心。

“I never eat anything for luncheon，” she said.

“我午餐几乎不吃什么。”她说。

“Oh， don’t say that！” I answered generously.

“噢，可别这么说！”我慷慨地说。

“I never eat more than one thing. I think people eat far too much nowadays. A little fish， perhaps. I wonder if they have any salmon.”

“我吃的从来不超过一样。我觉得现在人们都吃得过量。也许，来点儿鱼吧。不知道他们有没有鲑鱼。”

Well， it was early in the year for salmon and it was not on the bill of fare， but I asked the waiter if there was any. Yes， a beautiful salmon had just come in， it was the first they had had. I ordered it for my guest. The waiter asked her if she would have something while it was being cooked.

那会儿时节尚早，鲑鱼也不在餐单上，不过我还是问了侍者。有，一条漂亮的鲑鱼刚刚送到，今年头一份。我为客人点了鲑鱼。侍者又问她等待烹鱼的时候是否来点儿什么别的。

“No，” she answered， “I never eat more than one thing. Unless you have a little caviare. I never mind caviare.”

“不用，”她答道，“我吃的从来不超过一样。除非你们有鱼子酱。鱼子酱我是从不介意来一些的。”

My heart sank a little. I knew I could not afford caviare but I could not very well tell her that. I told the waiter by all means to bring caviare. For myself I chose the cheapest dish on the menu and that was a mutton chop.

我的心微微一沉。我知道鱼子酱我付不起，可总不能明确告诉她。我对侍者说务必要上鱼子酱。我给自己点了菜单上最便宜的一道菜——羊排。

“I think you are unwise to eat meat，” she said. “I don’t know how you can expect to work after eating heavy things like chops. I don’t believe in overloading my stomach.”

“我觉得吃肉可不明智，”她说，“真不知道吃了肉排这种油腻东西你还怎么写作。我可不能让肠胃负担过重。”

Then came the question of drink.

接下来是喝什么的问题。

“I never drink anything for luncheon，” she said.

“午餐我是什么都不喝的。”她说。

“Neither do I，” I answered promptly.

“我也是。”我马上接腔。

“Except white wine，” she proceeded as though I had not spoken. “These French white wines are so light. They’re wonderful for the digestion.”

“白葡萄酒除外。”她继续说，就好像我刚才什么都没说似的。“法国白葡萄酒十分清淡，十分有助于消化。”

“What would you like？” I asked， hospitable still， but not exactly effusive.

“你想喝点儿什么？”我问她，依然客气，但是难称殷勤。

She gave me a bright and amicable flash of her white teeth.

她粲然一笑，露出洁白的牙齿。

“My doctor won’t let me drink anything but Champagne.”

“除了香槟，医生什么都不让我喝。”

I fancy I turned a trifle pale. I ordered half a bottle. I mentioned casually that my doctor had absolutely forbidden me to drink Champagne.

估计我的脸色都白了。我点了半瓶香槟。我顺便提到我的医生绝对禁止我喝香槟。

“What are you going to drink， then？”

“那你喝什么？”

“Water.”

“水。”

She ate the caviare and she ate the salmon. She talked gaily of art and literature and music. But I wondered what the bill would come to. When my mutton chop arrived she took me quite seriously to task.

她吃了鱼子酱，又吃了鲑鱼，大谈艺术、文学、音乐，兴致高涨。可是我一直在想账单会是多少钱。我的羊排上来时，她非常严肃地教导了我。

“I see that you’re in the habit of eating a heavy luncheon. I’m sure it’s a mistake. Why don’t you follow my example and just eat one thing？ I’m sure you’d feel ever so much better for it.”

“我发现你习惯午餐吃得油腻。这样肯定是错误的。你何不学我只吃一样呢？你肯定会感觉好很多。”

“I am only going to eat one thing，” I said， as the waiter came again with the bill of fare.

“我也是只吃一样东西啊。”我说。这时侍者又来了，带着账单。

She waved him aside with an airy gesture.

她摆摆手，让他待在一旁。

“No， no， I never eat anything for luncheon. Just a bite， I never want more than that， and I eat that more as an excuse for conversation than anything else. I couldn’t possibly eat anything more—unless they had some of those giant asparagus. I should be sorry to leave Paris without having some of them.”

“不，不，我午餐从不吃什么的。就一口，绝不贪多，吃也是为了助谈而已。我几乎什么都吃不下了——除非他们有那种大芦笋。要是来巴黎不吃点大芦笋就走，可就太遗憾了。”

My heart sank. I had seen them in the shops and I knew that they were horribly expensive. My mouth had often watered at the sight of them.

我的心沉了下去。我在商店里见到过那种芦笋，我知道那东西价格高得吓人。每次看到芦笋，我都垂涎欲滴。

“Madame wants to know if you have any of those giant asparagus，” I asked the waiter.

“这位女士想问问你们是否有大芦笋。”我叫侍者。

I tried with all my might to will him to say no. A happy smile spread over his broad， priest-like face and he assured me that they had some so large， so splendid， so tender， that it was a marvel.

我尽我所能，运用意志力影响侍者，想让他说没有。他那张教士般虔诚的宽脸庞上绽放出愉快的笑容，他向我保证他们有芦笋，又大又好又嫩，可称奇珍。

“I’m not in the least hungry，” my guest sighed， “but if you insist I don’t mind having some asparagus.”

“我一点儿都不饿，”我的客人叹息着说，“不过若是你坚持，我也不妨来一点儿芦笋。”

I ordered them.

我点了芦笋。

“Aren’t you going to have any？”

“你一点儿都不要吗？”

“No， I never eat asparagus.”

“不，我从不吃芦笋。”

“I know there are people who don’t like them. The fact is， you ruin your palate by all the meat you eat.”

“我知道有人不喜欢芦笋。可你的情况是吃肉太多，毁了胃口。”

We waited for the asparagus to be cooked. Panic seized me： it was not a question now how much money I should have left over for the rest of the month but whether I had enough to pay the bill. It would be mortifying to find myself ten francs short and be obliged to borrow from my guest. I could not bring myself to do that. I knew exactly how much I had and if the bill came to me I made up my mind that I would put my hand in my pocket and with a dramatic cry start up and say it had been picked. Of course， it would be awkward if she had not money enough either to pay the bill; then the only thing would be to leave my watch and say I would come back and pay later.

我们等着烹芦笋。恐惧攫住了我。现在不是我能结余多少钱维持到月底的问题，而是我是否有足够的钱付账。要是发现还差上十法郎，不得不向客人借钱的话，那就太丢人了。我做不出来。我很清楚自己有多少钱，若是账单超支，就下定决心这么办：把手往口袋里一伸，夸张地尖叫，马上跳起来，说遭了贼。当然，要是她也没有足够的钱付账可就太窘了。那样一来，唯一的办法就是抵押我的表，回头再付。

The asparagus appeared. They were enormous， succulent， and appetizing. The smell of the melted butter tickled my nostrils as the nostrils of Johovah were tickled by the burned offerings of the virtuous Semites. I watched the abandoned woman thrust them down her throat in large voluptuous mouthfuls， and， in my polite way， I discoursed on the condition of the drama in the Balkans. At last she finished.

芦笋端上来了。果然个头巨大，腴美多汁，令人垂涎。融化的黄油香气搔着我的鼻孔，正如善良的闪族人敬献的燔祭搔着耶和华的鼻孔。我一边看着这个放纵享受的女人把芦笋大口大口地塞进喉咙，一边客客气气地评论着巴尔干半岛的戏剧状况。终于，她吃完了。

“Coffee？” I said.

“要咖啡吗？”我问。

“Yes， just an ice-cream and coffee，” she answered.

“要，冰淇淋和咖啡就行。”她说。

I was past caring now， so I ordered coffee for myself and ice-cream and coffee for her.

到这份上我已经不在乎了，于是，我给自己点了咖啡，给她点了冰淇淋和咖啡。

“You know， there’s one thing I thoroughly believe in，” she said， as she ate the ice-cream. “One should always get up from a meal feeling one could eat a little more.”

“你知道吗？有一件事我是完全推崇的，”吃冰淇淋的时候她说，“那就是，一个人餐后起身时，应该觉得还有再吃一点儿的余地。”

“Are you still hungry？” I asked faintly.

“你还饿么？”我已经委顿。

“Oh， no， I’m not hungry; you see， I don’t eat luncheon. I have a cup of coffee in the morning and then dinner， but I never eat more than one thing for luncheon. I was speaking for you.”

“噢，不饿；你看，我不吃午餐的。早上我喝一杯咖啡，然后就等晚餐，午餐我可是从来不吃超过一样的。我刚才那么说是为了你。”

“Oh， I see！”

“噢，明白啦！”

Then a terrible thing happened. While we were waiting for the coffee， the headwaiter， with an ingratiating smile on his false face， came up to us bearing a large basket full of huge peaches. They had the blush of an innocent girl; they had the rich tone of an Italian landscape. But surely peaches were not in season then？ Lord knew what they cost. I knew too—a little later， for my guest， going on with her conversation， absentmindedly took one.

随后发生了一件可怕的事情。我们坐等咖啡的时候，那个领班，虚情假意的脸上挂着奉迎的微笑，挎着一篮子巨桃向我们走来。桃子粉红得像纯洁少女脸上的红晕，色调丰富得像意大利的风景画。可桃子不是还没上市吗？天主才知道它们有多贵。很快我也知道了——因为我的客人一边滔滔不绝，一边漫不经心地随手拿了一个。

“You see， you’ve filled your stomach with a lot of meat” —my one miserable little chop— “and you can’t eat any more. But I’ve just had a snack and I shall enjoy a peach.”

“你看，你把胃塞得满满的都是肉”——我那可怜的小羊排——“所以你就什么都吃不下了。我只吃了点小吃，还可以再尝个桃子。”

The bill came and when I paid it I found that I had only enough for a quite inadequate tip. Her eyes rested for an instant on the three francs I left for the waiter and I knew that she thought me mean. But when I walked out of the restaurant I had the whole month before me and not a penny in my pocket.

账单送来了，付过之后，我发现仅剩的那点钱连付小费都颇不体面。她的目光在我留给侍者的三法郎上停留了一瞬，我知道她觉得我小气。走出餐厅的时候，我面临的是整整一个月的开销，而口袋里一分不剩。

“Follow my example，” she said as we shook hands， “and never eat more than one thing for luncheon.”

“学学我，”握手道别的时候她说，“午餐不要吃超过一样东西。”

“I’ll do better than that，” I retorted. “I’ll eat nothing for dinner tonight.”

“我会做得更棒。”我回敬她，“今晚我什么也不吃了。”

“Humorist”， she cried gaily， jumping into a cab. “You’re quite a humorist！”

“幽默！”她欢快地嚷嚷着，跳上一驾马车，“你真幽默！”

But I have had my revenge at last. I do not believe that I am a vindictive man， but when the immortal gods take a hand in the matter it is pardonable to observe the result with complacency. Today she weighs twenty-one stone3.

不过，我最终大仇得报。我自认不是睚眦必报的人，可是当不朽的大神插手时，我暗自欣喜地打量报应的结果也是情有可原。如今，她体重已然三百磅。

1毛姆.毛姆短篇小说选Ⅰ.辛红娟、阎勇译.北京：人民文学出版社，2016.

2 keep body and soul together〈俚〉勉强维持生活。

3 stone英石（重量单位，等于6.35千克或14磅）。