基于语轮语步理论深度拓展读后续写细节

李奕群

为了描述特定体裁的内部结构特征，Swales（1990）提出“语轮——语步分析法”。语轮（move）是由一组表现同一意旨取向的语言特征组成的且表达一定交际功能的语篇片段，是一个由一系列词汇、主题意义和修辞特征所标明的具有统一意义倾向的语篇片段。如果一个或一组句子传达同一个交际信息，那么它们就被确定为一个语轮。每个语轮具有自身的交际目的，同时有助于整个语篇实现整体的交际目的。值得注意的是，语轮是一个意义单位或功能单位，而非语法和语言形式单位。语步（step）是比语轮小一级的单位，是实现语轮的修辞策略，其功能在于实现语轮的交际目标。一个语轮可以由一个或多个语步来实现。

在读后续写的写作过程中，大部分学生能将自己的续写内容同所给的段首句銜接且巧妙过渡，在故事结尾处都有设计总结的话题来升华续写故事的主题。但仍有部分同学认为，写作中最困难的是不知如何构思续写细节，准确描述故事情节，从而出现细节单一，语言单调，语言质量低的问题。

下面我们以2022年新高考全国Ⅰ卷的读后续写题为例，一起探讨如何利用语轮语步理论来深度拓展写作细节。

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

It was the day of the big cross-country run. Students from seven different primary schools in and around the small town were warming up and walking the route（路线）through thick evergreen forest.

I looked around and finally spotted David， who was standing by himself off to the side by a fence. He was small for ten years old. His usual big toothy smile was absent today. I walked over and asked him why he wasnt with the other children. He hesitated and then said he had decided not to run.

What was wrong？ He had worked so hard for this event！

I quickly searched the crowd for the schools coach and asked him what had happened.“I was afraid that kids from other schools would laugh at him，”he explained uncomfortably.“I gave him the choice to run or not， and let him decide.”

I bit back my frustration（懊恼）. I knew the coach meant well—he thought he was doing the right thing. After making sure that David could run if he wanted， I turned to find him coming towards me， his small body rocking from side to side as he swung his feet forward.

David had a brain disease which prevented him from walking or running like other children， but at school his classmates thought of him as a regular kid. He always participated to the best of his ability in whatever they were doing. That was why none of the children thought it unusual that David had decided to join the cross-country team. It just took him longer—thats all. David had not missed a single practice， and although he always finished his run long after the other children， he did always finish. As a special education teacher at the school， I was familiar with the challenges David faced and was proud of his strong determination.

注意：

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

We sat down next to each other， but David wouldnt look at me.

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I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.

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一、审题，推断语轮（move）结构

梳理前文大意。作者是一名特殊教育教师，在大型越野赛跑那天，发现患有大脑疾病的大卫独自站在一旁。作者问其原因，他说准备放弃比赛。从教练口中得知是因为担心同学们会嘲笑大卫。

根据两段开头来确定第一段的内容。通过第一段开头“我们坐在一起，但David没有看着我”可以看出他内心矛盾的心理;第二段开头“我看着大卫和其他选手一起走到起跑线上”说明他最终选择了参加比赛。因此第一段里的续写中应该有以下两个要点：

（1）我对David 的鼓励。

（2）David 最終决定参赛。

根据第二段的开头句和正向结尾来确定第二段的内容。David最终站到了起跑线上，那后面会发生什么呢？我们要对此进行合理的预测。根据David的身体状况，我们可以推测出比赛是异常艰辛的，但是根据读后续写正能量的原则，我们还可以推测出结果是积极正面的，即David 最终完成了比赛。

第一段

Move 1： I encouraged David and it made sense.

Move 2： David decided to have a try.

第二段

Move 3： It was hard for David in the beginning but he insisted.

Move 4： Finally， David made it.

二、根据语轮的交际目的确定语步（step）

这里我们采用SADR （speech， action， description， reaction of others） 的模式来进行具体的拓展。

Move 1： I encouraged David and it made sense.

Step 1（speech）：“On no account can we ignore the power of our hearts. If you desire to challenge yourself， there is nothing to do with others thoughts.”“You have a full preparation before this event， which is the most important reason why you show up here.”

Step 2（action）： I looked into the little boys eyes， placing my hands on his shoulders and said softly.

Step 3（description）： Davids face changed from tense to a smile.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Hearing my words， he couldnt help nodding his head.

Move 2： David decided to have a try.

Step 1（speech）：“I will try.”

Step 2（action）： He said firmly， without hesitation.

Step 3（description）： The wind blew up his hair and I saw the determined expression in his eyes.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Then I told the coach Davids decision， he felt more than delighted.

Move 3：It was hard for David in the beginning but he insisted.

Step 1（speech）：“I can do it！”

Step 2（action）： He moved so slowly but he insisted on running as if he had forgotten all his weaknesses.

Step 3（description）： It seemed that the runway was extremely long for young children， not to mention a child with a disease. It didnt take long before he picked himself up again and continued his mission.

Step 4（reaction of others）： Classmates all appeared on the racing track， cheering for him.

Move 4： Finally， David made it.

Step 1（speech）： “I made it！”

Step 2（action）： It was not until then that he laughed.

Step 3（ description）： To everyones joy， he reached the final line and completed the mission.

Step 4（ reaction）： Classmates came up to congratulate him.

三、添加衔接语和结尾升华句，连句成段

根据语轮结构和拓展的具体的语步要点，添加恰当的衔接词语，完成一篇逻辑通顺，语言流畅，细节丰富，情节合理的文段。通过对文章内容的梳理，我们得出这篇文章主要是教育我们学会坚持，勇于尝试，建议添加的升华句为：All this shows that nothing can prevent us from reaching our aims. We will be successful as long as we insist on our dream.

参考范文如下：

Para1

We sat down next to each other， but David wouldnt look at me. I looked into the little boys eyes， placing my hands on his shoulders， and said softly.“On no account can we ignore the power of our hearts. If you desire to challenge yourself， there is nothing to do with others thoughts.”Hearing my words， he couldnt help nodding his head.“You have a full preparation before this event， which is the most important reason why you show up here.”Davids face changed from tense to a smile.“I will try.”He said firmly， without hesitation. The wind blew up his hair and I saw the determined expression in his eyes.Then I told the coach Davids decision， he felt more than delighted.

Para 2

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners. The race started. It seemed that the runway was extremely long for young children， not to mention a child with a disease. He moved so slowly but he insisted on running as if he had forgotten all his weaknesses， though he was tripped over within a few kilometers. It didnt take long before he picked himself up again and continued his mission. Classmates all appeared on the racing track， cheering for him. To everyones joy， he reached the final line and completed the mission. Classmates came up to congratulate him.“I made it！”It was not until then that he laughed. All this shows that nothing can prevent us from reaching our aims. We will be successful as long as we insist on our dream.

寫作既是促进语言学习的重要手段，也是检测语言水平的重要指标。然而大量研究表明，在听、说、读、写四项语言技能中，写作对许多外语学习者而言是最为困难的。本文基于语轮语步的理论对读后续写的细节拓展进行研究，让学生在合理审题的基础上不仅能写出逻辑自洽的情节，还能有丰富的细节和具有说服性的描写，让学生摆脱内容空洞，细节单一，无话可说的困境，让文章更加生动和具有文学性。

[注：本论文系2022年度广东省中小学教师教育科研能力提升计划项目“思维品质视域下高中英语读后续写教学行动研究”（项目编号：2022YQJK550）的阶段式成果]

责任编辑 蒋小青