如何给文章增添合理的细节

汪海荣

在批阅学生的英语书面表达时,常常发现许多学生所写的文章尽管语言点齐全,但给人阅后的感觉仿佛缺少一些内容,总显得不太连贯。其主要原因是学生往往只注重语言点的齐全,而忽视了必须根据文章的内容增添一些与主题相关的细节,或根据文章内容,适当加以发挥。不少学生在碰到此情况时,总觉得无话可说,因此常常写上一些与主题脱离的话语。那么如何才能有效地根据文章的内容或汉语的提示,增添一些与文章内容或汉语提示较为贴切的话语呢?根据平时学生的习作,结合不同题材的文章,可从以下几方面进行改进。

一、根据汉语提示,增添合理细节

在一些书面表达中,作者仅仅提供一些关键性的词语,要求学生能根据提示写出其主要内容,并适当增加一些细节。此时学生应根据这些提示,充分发挥自己的想象力,所增添的细节是否与该提示的含义吻合。现以一篇书面表达为例,来确定如何对文章进行合理的发挥。

假定你叫李明,是江苏某中学高三的学生,目前正处在紧张复习迎考的氛围中。面对目前的压力,想和父母说说心里话,请你用英文在你的博客上用书信形式表达出来。主要内容如下:

在该文的汉语提示中,叙述了作者当前的状况,这正是许多考生常常容易忽视的细节,有的学生只顾表格中的内容要点,而不知运用何种形式开启话语。因此在文章的开头必须用恰当的话语加以阐明,因为好的文章往往是先声夺人,会给阅卷教师留下较深的印象。本文的开头可以用这样的话语论述。

The annual college entrance examination is around the world. As a senior 3 student, I am throwing myself into my tense studies. On this special occasion, how I wish I could have a heart-to heart talk with you. 通过上面细节的描写,既论述了作者紧张的学习,又概括了表格中想与父母交心的语言要点,这样表达会使人对你的文章刮目相看,觉得既合情又合理。

在接下来的语言点中有表示对父母感恩的内容,此时学生不能仅仅局限与表格中的几个词汇,而应增添一些内容加以论述。如:Through those years of my growing up, I always feel grateful to you for your help, care and love for me. Thanks to your constant encouragement, I have been making remarkable progress in my studies. I hope to communicate with you and get your frequent help from you because good conditions and timely help will do me a lot of good.

在该段的叙述中,作者表达了对父母多年来对其的鼓励、关爱的感激,也叙述了自己的学习情况以及希望。其中用了几个比较好的词汇进行了表达,如:feel grateful to…,Thanks to…,making remarkable progress等。既概括了文中的语言要点,又在此基础上进行了扩充,使整个内容得到了较好地衔接。

在论述自己的学习打算时,根据要求须写三点,此时应从自己的实际情况出发加以论述。如:

Now I am fully aware of the responsibilities I am bearing. For one thing, I will make a detailed study plan and review what I have learned. For another thing, I will do exercises to keep fit. In addition, I will help you with some housework.

二、根据全文内容,增添合理细节

有时在测试中,教师常常要求学生就某些社会热点问题进行论述。但提供的汉语提示甚少,此时学生应在理解主题的基础上增添某些细节内容。如:

近期某省教育部门出台措施严格禁止中小学利用双休日集体上课,在社会上引起强烈反响,尤其是学生家长反应不一……。请根据以上情况,结合自身实际,写一篇150字左右的短文。文中应包括。

1.家长的反应。

2.自己的看法。

根据该文的内容提示,可将文章分为三个部分来写。首先写教育部门的措施和社会反

响,其次为家长的反应,最后为自己的看法。从而使全文有层次感。第一部分可以这样表达:

How to reduce the students burden has always been a hot topic. Recently the educational department of a province has launched strict rules to ban classes on weekends, which has aroused heated discussion among students parents.

在此表达中增加了减负是热点问题一句。此句起到了画龙点睛的作用,为下文的论述作了较好的铺垫。

文章的第二部分为家长的不同反响,此时最好从正反两方面加以论述,否则会因为话语较少而达不到表达的效果。该段落可以这样论述:

Some of the parents are strongly in favor of this decision. They think that after their children have stayed at school the whole week, they should have free time to get relaxed. Besides, free weekends help to fill in the gaps between generations and guarantee the time for the family members to have fun together.

该段落主要论述了赞同的观点,用两句加以概括,当然学生在写作时不应拘泥于这些表达,也可用其它的话语阐述,如:可以与父母有更多交流的机会,得到父母在生活或学习上的一些指点等。在表达时应注意使用适当的过渡性词语,使句与句之间形成较好的衔接。

在叙述赞同的观点后,再将不同的观点加以叙述,此时可将两部分合为一起。如:

On the other hand, some other parents dont think so. They hold the view that schools are supposed to have classes on weekends. In their opinions, if the students are given more free time on weekends, they will not concentrate on their studies. Some of the students might even fall into bad habits.

第三部分主要是阐述自己的观点,学生在写作时最好用三句话加以论述。既可以表示赞同,也可以表示反对。在写该段落是应进紧紧围绕个人的实际情况去展开,在文章的最后用一句话进行概括。如:

In my opinion, middle school students should be given more free time. Studying lessons at school is not the only goal of our life. It is also important to put what we learn at school into practice. Furthermore, youngsters often have their good habits and interests. It is necessary to have enough time to develop them.

从该段落可以看出此学生持有反对的观点,认为学校的学习不是人生的唯一的目标,所学的知识必须运用到实践中去。值得注意的是不管是赞同还是反对,展开想象的内容必须贴切文章的主题,切勿离题太远。

三、根据连贯关系、增添合理细节

在写作时有时为了达到语句的连贯,也可以通过一些过渡性的词语的使用增添一些合适的细节。使所写的内容在语句上既衔接又符合逻辑关系。现通过一篇短文看看是如何利用过渡性词语的形式来阐述内容的。如:

假定你是我市某中学高三学生李华,最近你们班对牛津高中英语教材(Advance With English)的使用情况进行了一次调查,调查结果如下表。请你根据调查内容写一篇短文,并代表全班同学用e-mail发给牛津英语出版社编辑,并提出你的建议。字数150。

在实际写作时,可通过运用一些过渡性的词语的形式来达到增加细节的效果。如:

…For one thing, it has vivid pictures to match the texts, which will arouse students interests. For another thing, the texts are mostly taken from the latest foreign reading materials and the language used is very standard. In addition, every module is closely related social reality, which can help us know the society better.

On the contrary, other students hold the opposite opinion that there are many shortcomings. On the one hand, there are an ocean of words for students to remember them all. As it is many students have voiced their complaint about it. On the other hand, students find it easy to forget whats been learned as the book lacks repetition in its content. Whats more, it is difficult to fulfill the activities in Task and Project in many schools, especially those remote ones.

该文在叙述其优点时用了好几个过渡性的词语,一层层地加以剖析,如:在第一段用了For another thing, For another thing, In addition, 等,并用了两个定语从句进行补叙较好地论述了该教材的优点。其行文流畅,用词精辟,句式多样,读后耐人寻味。在叙述其缺点时我们可以看到也采用了几个过渡性词语,如:On the contrary, On the one hand, On the other hand, Whats more, 等。在这些过渡性词语的后面都有与表格中相应的语言点。这些词语与上段文中的内容遥相呼应,较好地体现全文的衔接。

在文章的最后一段使用了As far as I am concerned, At the same time等,较好地论述了个人的观点以及应采取的措施,并用if possible一词巧妙地结尾,给人以意犹未尽的感觉。综观全文可以看出过渡性词语如果运用得当,全文必然会衔接得天衣无缝,让人读后韵味无穷。