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写好三句话,做到无缝对接

2022-05-30罗春恒

广东教育·高中 2022年9期
关键词:起跑线无缝主语

罗春恒

续文与原文的协同性,以及句与句之间和段与段之间的衔接连贯是评分的重要依据。那么,我们如何写好所给两段首句后的衔接句、 第一段尾句这三个衔接句,做到无缝对接呢?笔者认为,应该从内容和句式风格两大方面入手。下面我们将以2022年新高考全国Ⅰ卷为例,说明如何从这两方面入手写好这三个衔接句。

故事内容:David因患了一种脑部疾病不能像其他孩子一样走路或跑步。但在学校,他的同学都把他看作是一个普通的孩子,无论他们做什么,David总是尽自己最大的能力参与其中。因此,没有一个同学认为David决定加入越野队是不寻常的。他只是比别人花更长的时间,仅此而已。在David超乎常人的努力的训练下,他总能跑到终点,尽管他总是远远落后于其他同学。作为学校的一名特殊教育老师,“我”为他坚定的决心感到骄傲。可是在大型越野赛的那天,“我”发现David没有了往常的笑容,也没有跟其他选手在一起。问其原因,David说他决定不参赛。觉得惊讶之余,“我”从教练那了解到原因:原来是教练担心其他学校的同学嘲笑他,把是否参赛的决定权交给他,他就选择不参赛了。

所给两段首句是:

We sat down next to each other, but David wouldnt look at me.(我们挨着坐着,但大卫不愿看我一眼)

I watched as David moved up to the starting line with the other runners.(我看着大卫和其他选手一起走到起跑线上)

下面谈谈如何写好三个衔接句。

一、紧扣首句中的关键词,使内容衔接自然

由所给第一段首句中的关键词 “wouldnt look at me(不愿看我)”想到,David为什么不愿意看“我”呢?据原文可知,是“怕被人嘲笑(内心的自卑)”,故不敢直视“我”。所以第一段内容上应该围绕作者如何让David战胜内心的自卑,由“低头”到勇敢地“抬头”的过程。情节感情基调定好了,那么我们第一句话应怎么样衔接呢?

1.“喧宾夺主”

用前句的宾语作主语。此处用前句David wouldnt look at me中的宾语me作主语,去思考衔接句。

为了达到让他参赛的目的,“我”会说什么?做什么?怎么做?

“David, you are an ambitious young man full of enthusiasm and power.”I held his hands tightly,“Just look at my eyes. Trust me!”这个衔接句里,包含了“我”对他的努力的肯定和鼓励,把人物由David转移到“我”身上,而“Just look at my eyes”跟首句的“wouldnt look at me”内容上紧密链接。

“Come on, you can do it.”I whispered to him in a soft voice and patted his shoulder gently.(语句中包含着“我”殷切的鼓励之情)

2.“同心圆式扩充”

保留前句的主语,对上文情节动作或者情感上进行细化的扩充。

依然以David作主语(为避免重复,可用相应的代词),紧扣关键词“wouldnt look at me”,David会做什么呢?或者“不愿意看我”的同时还会做什么呢?

He buried his head into his arms and couldnt help sobbing.

Getting sucked into the fear and frustration, he obviously felt like he was sitting on pins and needles.

With a sorrowful expression hanging on his face, David sat around motionlessly and helplessly, his head drooping powerlessly.

在写首段末句时,要根据所给第二段首句的关键词,使内容自然衔接。本文所给第二段首句中的关键词是moved up to the starting line(跑到了起跑线),说明David已放下了心理包袱,走向了赛场。同样可以用“主语不变”的方式来续写接下来的这一句:

David looked at me, with his eyes twinkling with excitement, and stood up just like a superman in front of me.(looked at me with excitement与第一段首句形成对比,stood up like a superman 体现了一个内心的巨大转变,且与下文的moved up衔接)

Without hesitation, he wiped away the tears and struggled to his feet to embrace the challenge.

第二段首句后的续写,依然根据关键词David moved up to the starting line使内容自然衔接,即描述David跑到了起跑線后心情会怎样?会做什么?作为帮助者,“我”会有什么举动?同样可以用主语不变来续写下一句:

As the sharp alarm hit the silent air, David rose to his feet, clenched his teeth and began to rush.(具体的动作描写)

Nervous as he was, he took a deep breath and got ready for the race.(情感描写与动作描写)

Determined and confident, David warmed up with other participants.(other participants和前句的other runners衔接)

3. 环境渲染

环境描写能有效地推动情节的进展,烘托人物的心理情感,在场所性描述的故事构架中效果更为显著。在本文的第二段的比赛现场上,我们可以通过适当的环境描写来衔接和推动故事情节的发展。

在David与其他选手站到起跑线上时,周围的观众会有什么反应呢?全场氛围如何呢?可以这样写:

The whole world was ruled by dead silence.(体现了观众对他的出现作出的反应,更能反衬出David紧张的心情)

Everything seemed stopped moving until the the signal began.(前半句营造出一触即发的紧张的氛围)

As the sharp alarm hit the silent air, David rose to his feet, clenched his teeth and began to rush.(前半句的比赛信号的描述,能把David,甚至读者带入一个比赛场上的氛围)

二、使用多样的句式,使衔接句独具一格

能让阅卷者眼前一亮的开头有:

1. 形容词、分词短语开头

这种开头能表达相关情感或推进情节的发展。

Gently patting his shoulder, I inquired of him the reason why he was hesitant for the run.(第一段首句衔接句)

Standing in front of the starting line, David waved his hands to me violently.(第二段首句衔接句)

2. 副词、介词短语开头

这种开头往往能更紧密地衔接上文,渲染情感,推动情节的发展。

Gently, I patted his shoulder and whispered softly.(第一段首句衔接句)

At the sight of his determined expression, I sent him to the starting line with satisfaction.(第一段末句衔接句)

Within a moment or two, the big cross-country run began.(第二段首句衔接句)

Without hesitation, he wiped away the tears and struggled to his feet to embrace the challenge.(第一段末句衔接句)

3. with的复合结构

这种开头主要是表示伴随或原因。

With the beginning whistle rising, every runner including David run towards the thick evergreen forest. (第二段首句衔接句)

4. 倒装开头

这种开头往往能突出某种情感、意志和决心等。

So nervous was David that he took a deep breath and got ready for the race.(第二段首句衔接句)

Never had I seen such a determined look from Davids eyes.(第二段首句衔接句)

Nervous as he was, he took a deep breath and got ready for the race.(第二段首句衔接句)

5. 状语从句开头

As the sharp alarm hit the silent air, David rose to his feet, clenched his teeth and began to rush.

As soon as the signal began, David and other runners started to run as fast as they could.

6. 感叹句、强调句

What an incredible and determined boy he is! (第二段首句銜接句)

总之,要写好三个衔接句,做到无缝对接,我们既要紧扣首句中的关键词使内容衔接自然,又要灵活使用多样化的句式,以博得阅卷老师的青睐。

责任编辑 蒋小青

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