三个微技能在读后续写中的应用

刘嫦云

读后续写评分要求“所使用语法结构和词汇丰富、准确”。可见，同学们在读后续写中想拿高分，需要掌握各种微技能。下面笔者以2020年1月浙江卷为例，主要围绕最核心的语言质量层面展开讲述微技能的运用。

真题再现

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

“Im going to miss you so much， Poppy，”said the tall， thin teenager. He bent down to hug his old friend goodbye. He stood up， hugged his parents， and smiled， trying not to let his emotions（情绪）get the better of him.

His parents were not quite able to keep theirs under control. They had driven their son several hours out of town to the university where he would soon be living and studying. It was time to say goodbye for now at least. The family hugged and smiled through misty eyes and then laughed.

The boy lifted the last bag onto his shoulder， and flashed a bright smile.“I guess this is it，”he said.“Ill see you back home in a month， okay？”His parents nodded， and they watched？as he walked out of sight into the crowds of hundreds of students and parents. The boys mother turned to the dog，“Okay， Poppy， time to go back home.”

The house seemed quiet as a tomb without the boy living there. All that week， Poppy didnt seem interested in her dinner， her favorite toy， or even in her daily walk. Her owners were sad too， but they knew their son would be back to visit. Poppy didnt.

They offered the dog some of her favorite peanut butter treats. They even let her sit on the sofa， but the old girl just wasnt her usual cheerful self. Her owners started to get worried.“What should we do to cheer Poppy up？”asked Dad.“Weve tried everything.”

“I have an idea， but it might be a little crazy，”smiled Mom. “Without anybody left in the house but us， this place could use a bit of fun. Lets get a little dog for Poppy.

It didnt take long before they walked through the front door carrying a big box. Poppy welcomed them home as usual but when she saw the box， she stopped. She put her nose on it. Her tail began wagging（擺动）ever so slowly， then faster as she caught the smell.

注意：

1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右;

2. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好。

Para 1. Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

Para 2. A few weeks later， the boy arrived home from university. _________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________

下面是学生周练的一篇习作：

Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared. Poppy was happy at the sight of the little dog. She watched the new member. Then she became so excited that she accidentally knocked over the box in an attempt to get closer. Immediately， the little one came out， who was not shy and instantly got familiar with Poppy. Then the two played around the house and cheerfully ran after each other. When they watched Poppy getting rid of the gloomy state， the boys parents smiled relievedly and put down their hanging hearts.

A few weeks later， the boy arrived home from the university. He was amazed to discover that there were two dogs not one greeting him. The old dog licked him while the little dog looked at him with curiosity.“Who is he？”he wondered. After they sensed his confusion， the parents explained what had happened to poor Poppy and how they figured out such a splendid solution. So pleasedly， the boy hugged his parents tightly.

這篇续写与所给短文的融合度较高，与所提供各段落开头语衔接较为合理，内容比较丰富，但所使用语法结构和词汇的丰富性上需要打磨。语言上，如何生动形象地对小狗的动作进行描写是我们需要提高的地方。下面介绍三种微技能来丰富句法结构和使表达更高级。

一、描述性高级词汇积累

读后续写不同于书信写作等应用文使用概括性词汇较多。读后续写记叙文题材中需要我们进行具体的细节描写，要求我们形象生动地描写动作和心情等，尽量多用描述性语言。基于表达多样性和生动性的需要，如“高兴”我们可积累下列高级词汇：indescribably wild joy， a mixture of excitement and happiness， be overwhelmed with等等，这比普通的happy更具有高分特质。

对小狗的动作描写我们可积累以下词汇：

我们运用高级词汇对原作品进行句式升级：

1. 原文表达：Poppy was happy at the sight of the little dog.

升级表达：Poppy jumped with joy at the sight of the little？dog.

2. 原文表达：She watched the new member.

升级表達：She lowered her head to watch the new member.

3. 原文表达：The old dog licked him while the little dog looked at him with curiosity.

升级表达：The old dog jumped to its feet and licked him while the little dog looked at him with curiosity.

4. 原文表达：So pleasedly， the boy hugged his parents tightly.

升级表达：With a giant smile blooming on his face， the boy hugged his parents tightly.

升级后的句子通过使用或添加动作和心情等描述性词汇，丰富了续写的内容，增强了叙述的画面感。

二、分词的使用

现在分词和过去分词短语常用作状语，替换状语从句和并列的动词，使句子结构更加紧凑，句式更加丰富。

请赏析下列高考真题读后续写中的分词短语：

我骑着马飞跑过来，突然，一只兔子跳了出来，吓了马一跳。（2018年浙江）

I was galloping on horseback when a rabbit bounced out， giving the horse a start.

因为被一只狼追赶，他加速奔跑。（2017年浙江）

Chased by a wolf， he sped up.

上面两句中的两个分词短语分别充当结果状语和原因状语，丰富了句式结构。把我们平时写的基础表达改写为分词短语适用于以下两种情形：

（1）含有状语从句的句子进行改写。如：

When he saw a car stop， he jumped off his bicycle immediately.

改写：Seeing a car stop， he jumped off his bicycle immediately.

Because I was woken by dreams every day， I had come to love my life in America.

改写：Woken by dreams every day， I had come to love my life in America.

（2）含有and连接的并列句或者并列动词进行改写。如：

The dog gave him a seemingly knowing look and scratched the box.

改写：The dog gave him a seemingly knowing look， scratching the box.

Parents smiled and watched each other.

改写：Parents smiled， watching each other.

我们尝试使用分词短语对原习作进行改写：

（1）Then the two played around the house and cheerfully ran after each other.

升级：Then the two played around the house， cheerfully running after each other.

（2）When they watched Poppy getting rid of the gloomy state， the boys parents smiled relievedly and put down their hanging hearts.

升级：Watching Poppy getting rid of the gloomy state， the boys parents smiled relievedly， putting down their hanging hearts.

（3）After they sensed his confusion， the parents explained what had happened to poor Poppy and how they figured out such a splendid solution.

升级：Sensing his confusion， the parents explained what had happened to poor Poppy and how they figured out such a splendid solution.

三、强调结构

It is +被强调成分+that/who+其他

使用强调句型强调句子的某一成分，既能增加读后续写句式的多样性和复杂性，又能提高表达效果，会给阅卷老师眼前一亮的感觉。

请同学们根据句子的基础表达，用自己的语言表达一遍，然后对比并学习所提供的升级表达。

1. 基础表达：What determines us is not our abilities， but our choices.

高级表达：It is our choices that determine us， far more than our abilities.

2. 基础表达：She inspired people with disabilities.

高级表达：It was she that/who inspired the disabed.

原学生作品中He was amazed to discover that there were two dogs not one greeting him. 可升级为：He was amazed to discover that it was two dogs that were greeting him.

以下是句式升级后的作品：

Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared. Poppy jumped with joy at the sight of the little dog. She lowered her head to watch the new member. Then she became so excited that she accidentally knocked over the box in an attempt to get closer. Immediately， the little one came out， who was not shy and instantly got familiar with Poppy. Then the two played around the house， cheerfully running after each other. Watching Poppy getting rid of the gloomy state， the boys parents smiled relievedly， putting down their hanging hearts.

A few weeks later， the boy arrived home from the university. He was amazed to discover that it was two dogs that were greeting him. The old dog jumped to its feet and licked him while the little dog looked at him with curiosity.“Who is he？”he wondered. Sensing his confusion， the parents explained what had happened to poor Poppy and how they figured out such a splendid solution. With a giant smile blooming on his face， the boy hugged his parents tightly.

比較分析润色后的读后续写版本，运用了高级词汇、分词结构和强调句型后，达到了读后续写语法结构和词汇丰富、准确的效果，短文结构也更紧凑了。

当然读后续写要求考生在有限的时间内既需读懂所给原文并有效地提取文本信息，又需创造合乎逻辑的内容，这并非易事。在写作实践中，我们要始终持有强烈的运用高级词汇和高级句式的意识，积累各种高分特质的词汇和表达，熟记于心，多加模仿，多加运用，相信我们的文章定能脱颖而出。

责任编辑 蒋小青