不要再对孩子承诺他们能实现一切了

蒲钊

努力不一定会成功，找到人生的目标和方向就已经意义非凡。

A star athlete at the college where I work recently stopped by my office. After committing several unforced errors during a weekend match， she was—several days later—driven by self?criticism and distracted（分心） on the field.

“I cant stop beating myself up，” she told me. “Im at peak fitness， and I practice hard. How is this happening？”

This student， like many I teach， believes she should be able to control the outcomes of her life through her hard work. Actually， when they win， they feel powerful and smart; however， when they fall short of what they imagine they should accomplish， theyre crushed by self?blame. If my accomplishments are mine to control， they reason my failures must be entirely my fault， too.

Many parents have falsely promised their children that they can achieve anything if they work for it. Psychologists have found this phenomenon in a misapplication of “mindset” research， which has found praising children for their effort will increase academic performance. However， a 2018 analysis found that while so?called growth?mindset interventions， in which educators respond to their students challenges by praising effort over ability， may benefit some students， they dont necessarily help everyone.

One explanation comes from psychologists Suniya Luthar and Nina Kumar， who argued in a research paper that teens growing up in wealthy and pressure?cooker communities are actually hurt by the message that effort equals success. For them， Luthar and Kumar wrote， “It isnt a lack of motivation and willpower that is the big problem. Instead， its unhealthy perfectionism and difficulty with backing off when they should.”

Actually， you can do everything in your power—and still fail. So Luthar and Kumar urge parents and teachers to spend time helping students find goals they genuinely love to pursue and that make an impact on the world. Researchers have found adolescents with purpose report greater life satisfaction and are more psychologically mature.

The point isnt to give our kids a pass on working hard. But imagining they can control everything isnt real resilience. Instead， wed be wise to remind them that life has a way of hitting us when we least expect it.

阅读检测

1. What does the underlined word “this” in the second paragraph refer to？

A. Hard training.

B. Self?criticism.

C. Making mistakes.

D. Distraction.

2. What does the author think is a common troubling phenomenon among students？

A. They work hard to achieve the best.

B. They are struggling to change their lives.

C. They owe their failure to others errors.

D. They blame themselves for their failure.

3. Why is the 2018 analysis mentioned in paragraph 4？

A. To criticize parents for their beliefs.

B. To criticize growth?mindset interventions.

C. To support the result of a mindset research.

D. To prove the problem with parents prac?tice.

4. What is the biggest problem with children growing up in wealthy but stressful settings？

A. They feel less motivated to work hard.

B. They may give up in front of difficulty.

C. They wont quit even when its necessary.

D. They have too much confidence in themselves.

5. What is the proper way of parenting children according to the text？

A. Teaching them to find purpose.

B. Exposing them to hardships in life.

C. Convincing themselves of their power.

D. Involving them in setting detailed goals.

语言学习

难句分析

One explanation comes from psychologists Suniya Luthar and Nina Kumar， who argued in a research paper that teens growing up in wealthy and pressure?cooker communities are actually hurt by the message that effort equals success. 心理学家Suniya Luthar和Nina Kumar在一篇論文中给出了一种解释，她们指出在富裕的高压社区长大的青少年实际上受到了努力等于成功之类信息的误导。

该句为主从复合句，在who引导的非限制性定语从句中，第一个that引导宾语从句，第二个that引导同位语从句，补充说明the message的内容。