中国：我的梦想家园

文/本杰明·大卫·凯里（Benjamin David Ceary）

我是一个在美国农村出生、长大的男孩。第一次接触到电影里的中国文化时，我就被深深地震撼了。我清楚记得成龙在《警察故事》和《醉拳》这些电影中精湛的喜剧表演和精彩绝伦的武术。在这些电影中，中国被描绘成一个有着悠久历史文化传统的地方，这个国家，既有着数千年的历史文明，也有着现代化社会的飞速发展。我非常想去这个陌生、神秘的地方生活，体验那里丰富的文化。在我8岁那年，我去了家乡的一个小型公共图书馆，开始阅读我能读到的有关中国的每一本书。我读过许多朝代的故事，读过三国，读过孙悟空和《西游记》，读过孔子的教诲，读过伟大诗人的作品，读过中国领导人的英雄事迹，看过许多有关长城、紫禁城、黄河等中国大好河山的摄影作品。我的心中充满了对中国的热爱，梦想着有一天我能去中国。

As a young boy growing up in rural America, my first exposure to Chinese culture was through the movies. I can remember watching Jackie Chan’s fantastic martial arts and comedic acting skills in such movies as, “Police Story,” and, “The Drunken Master.” China was depicted in those movies as a place of ancient traditions, where thousands of years of history lived side-by-side with the modern advancements of society. I wanted so much to go and live in this strange mysterious land and experience its rich culture. At the age of 8, I went to the small public library in my hometown and began reading every book I could about China. I read about the many dynasties,I read about the three kingdoms, I read about the Monkey King and the Journey to the West, I read about the teachings of Confucius, I read about the works of great poets, I read the heroic deeds of China’s leaders, and I looked at so many photo books of the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, the Yellow River,and so much more. My heart was filled with a love for China and I had a dream to go there one day.

2012年，小男孩的梦想实现了。我在河北省廊坊市的一所学校获得了一份英语教学的工作。原本看起来不可能实现的梦想现在变成了现实。很多老师曾建议我去上海或北京这样的城市生活，因为那些城市里有相对更友好的英语环境，但是，我并不想生活在一个英语友好的环境中。我想要生活的地方，是一个能让我真正沉浸在汉语和中华文化中的地方。我希望我在中国的经历是一次真正的冒险。

A little boy’s dream came true when, in 2012, I was offered a job teaching English at a Chinese college in the city of Langfang,Hebei. What seemed like an impossible dream was now becoming a reality. Many teachers had advised me to travel to cities like Shanghai or Beijing because they offered a more English friendly environment, but I did not want to live in an English friendly environment. I wanted to live in a place where I could really immerse myself in the language and the culture.I wanted my time in China to be an adventure.

火炕、温室大棚和包饺子

我在中国的经历是一次神奇的冒险之旅。首先，我要以食物来开始我对中国文化的介绍。中国人民以中华美食为荣，中国哪个地区的美食味道最好是我和朋友们共同的话题。我品尝中华美食的最美好的回忆之一是有一次我去一位河北农村的朋友家里做客。

Khan, greenhouse and making dumplings

My time in China has been an amazing adventure. My first introduction to Chinese culture came in the form of food.Chinese people are proud of their food and it is a common topic among my friends to discuss which region of China has the best taste. One of my fondest memories of eating in China happened when I visited a friend’s family in the Hebei countryside.

那一次，我和一些外教应邀到离廊坊市区较远的一个农庄里玩几天。我们搭乘公交车，沿着旧土路颠簸了两个小时，最后看到了玉米地中央的一个金属的公交站牌。这一站是这条公交线路上的最后一站，我们下车后，公交车就掉头返回市区了。剩下的路程由我朋友的叔叔开车来把我们接进村子。这是一个小村庄，连通村庄内外的一条主干道两侧有各种小商店。我朋友的父母经营着一家小型的农具商店，他们在商店对面有一套老式的平房。这是一个带围墙的庭院，后面有三个房间。他们的厨房里有一个很大的铸铁锅，锅下面生着火，锅的周围是用特殊的黏土和混凝土砌成的墙，将厨房里的烟和热量送到房间里。房间里有“炕”，这是一种用泥土和稻草覆盖的床，床下面有特殊管道，热量就通过这个管道输送。看到这种传统的炕我很是惊讶，我很好奇睡在这么硬的床上是什么感觉。它很硬，但很暖和。我舒舒服服地睡在这张古式的床上，被子裹得严严实实的。我朋友的祖母告诉我，跟软床相比，硬床更适合人的背部。在硬床上睡了几年，我如今很认同她的观点。

Some foreign teachers and I had been invited to spend a few days in a remote farming village far outside the main city of Langfang. We took a bumpy two-hour ride on a public bus down old dirt roads to arrive at last at a single metal bus stop sign in the middle of a cornfield. Our stop was the last one on the line and the bus turned around a headed back to the city after dropping us off. My friend’s uncle then picked us up in his car and drove us the rest of the way into the village. It was a small village with little shops on either side of the one main road that lead both in and out of the village. My friend’s father and mother ran a little farming supply store with an old-style single-story house located across the street from the shop. Their home had a walled courtyard with three rooms in the back.Their kitchen had a big cast-iron pot with a fire underneath.Around the pot were special clay and concrete walls that fed the smoke and heat from the kitchen into the rooms. Inside the rooms, the heat was fed through special piping underneath the mud and straw-covered beds, called khans. I was amazed to see a traditional style khan and I was so curious what it would feel like to sleep on such a hard surface. It was firm, but very warm. I slept comfortably wrapped up in blankets on top of this ancient style bed. My friend’s grandmother told me that hard surfaces are better for the back than soft ones. After years of sleeping on hard surfaces, I am inclined to agree with her.

在农村学习包饺子

有些人并不关心中国的农村，也不愿意在那里生活。但是这一家人告诉我他们宁愿住在乡下也不搬到城市中去。由于来自美国的乡村，我对此感同身受，在农场中有一种在地球上其他地方都无法找到的祥和与宁静。这一家人种植的农产品也体现了现代化农业在中国的发展。我们是在冬季中旬做客，然而，塑料圆顶覆盖的土堆使黄瓜和西红柿一年四季都能生长。土堆起到温室的隔热作用，而塑料圆顶则允许阳光进入同时不会让水分和热量流出室外。我走进那些巨大的温室，迎接我的是成百上千发育着的绿色藤蔓。这儿有像我胳膊那么粗的黄瓜和多汁的红番茄，这些蔬菜成束地等着农场主摘下做成晚餐。当太阳开始落山时，农民们把用干草做成的大地毯滚到塑料温室的顶部。他们向我解释了这样做的目的是在寒冷的冬夜帮助植物进行保温。这些植物裹在稻草毯子里睡得就像我在炕上裹着毯子一样温暖舒适。

Some people do not really care about the country lifestyle of rural China. However, the family told me that they would rather live in the countryside than move into the city. Coming from rural American countryside, I can understand their sentiments. There is a peaceful tranquility found on a farm that cannot be found anywhere else on this earth. The family’s vegetable farm was truly a testament to ingenious Chinese engineering. Our visit was in the middle of winter, however,the plastic dome covered dirt mounds keep the cucumbers and tomatoes growing year-round. The earthen mounds served as an insulation for the greenhouse, while the plastic domes allowed sunlight in without letting the moisture and heat outside. I walked into those large greenhouses and was greeted by hundreds of growing green vines. There were cucumbers as big as my arm and juicy red tomatoes just waiting in bunches for eager farmers to pluck them for dinner. As the sun began to set, the farmers rolled large carpets made of hay over the tops of the plastic greenhouses. They explained to me how this would help to keep the warmth in during the cold of the winter nights. The plants would sleep just as warm and comfy wrapped in their blankets of straw as I would wrapped in my warm blankets on the khan.

The next morning, we were asked by my friend to join the family in making dumplings for dinner. This was my first time to make dumplings and I was very excited to see and learn how they are made. My friend’s grandmother was busy in the kitchen mixing vegetables and eggs together to make stuffing for the dumplings.She had a large metal bowl and she stirred the contents around with a pair of wooden chopsticks. My friend’s mother was busy next to the grandmother kneading, by-hand, flour and water in a bowl to make a thick sticky dough. The other foreign teachers and I gathered around watching as she kneaded the dough into a fat snake-like looking creation. She rolled it out on a wooden cutting board until the fat snake turned into a long thin doughy rope. Her hands moved swiftly and smoothly as she began cutting and rolling out pieces of dough into tiny circular pancakes. The pancakes were almost as thin as paper and fit nicely in the palm of my hand. My friend’s grandmother then took a spoonful of the mixed vegetable stuffing and placed it inside the little pancake. With several quick pinches, she had produced a perfectly shaped dumpling ready for cooking.She smiled at me and then invited me to try to make my own dumpling. I was given a doughy pancake and a spoon for the vegetable mixture. I tried to mimic her pattern, but it was much more difficult than it looked. My little dumpling had too much stuffing, so it squeezed its way out of the edges and all over my hands as I pinched. The family smiled and chuckled at me. Then they gently encouraged me to try again. My next dumpling stayed firmly shut, however, the lumpy form of my misshaped dumpling was extremely ugly. It would take me many more tries before I could make anything that looked reasonable. We all stood around the kitchen table chatting, laughing, and folding dumplings. It was delightfully delicious fun.

第二天早上，我们和这一家人一起包饺子。这是我第一次做饺子，我很兴奋地观摩和学习。我朋友的奶奶正忙着在厨房里把蔬菜和鸡蛋混合在一起做饺子馅。她有一个大铁盆，用一双木筷搅拌里面的东西。我朋友的妈妈在奶奶旁边用手把面粉和水放在碗里做成又厚又黏的面团。我和另一个外教在一旁看着她把面团揉成一个厚实的蛇的形状。她在一块木头砧板上滚它，直到那条肥蛇变成了一条又长又细又软的粗绳。当她开始切面团并把小面团揉成面皮时，她的手迅速而平稳地移动着。这些面皮薄得几乎和纸一样，放在我的手掌里刚刚合适。然后我朋友的祖母拿了一匙拌好的蔬菜馅，放在面皮里。她迅速捏了几下，做出了一个形状完美的饺子，以备蒸煮。她朝我笑了笑，然后让我试着做一个自己的饺子。她给了我一块面皮和盛蔬菜馅勺。我试着模仿她的手法，但这比看上去困难得多。我的小饺子馅太多了，所以当我捏的时候，饺子馅就从边上挤出来弄得满手都是。这一家人对我笑了笑。然后他们温柔地鼓励我再试一次。我的下一个饺子紧紧地合着，但是那形状是真的非常难看。在我做出任何看起来正常的饺子之前，我还需要更多的尝试。我们都站在餐桌旁聊天、欢笑、包饺子。这真是令人愉悦而又美味的趣事。

最大的冒险：遇到我生命中的挚爱

我在中国已经住了7年了。在那几年里，我收集了许多故事并进行了许多冒险活动。我最大的冒险直到最近才发生。2017年，我遇到了我生命中的挚爱，一个来自东北的美丽的中国女孩。我们是由一个共同的朋友介绍的，对我来说，这是一见钟情，虽然她爱上我需要一点时间。跨文化约会带来了一系列的挑战。我们最大的挑战是语言障碍。我的汉语口语水平仍然很差，而且从高中开始她的英语就没有再用过。因此，我们的约会经常要借助于智能手机，在我们找不到可以表达我们思想的词语时，翻译程序填补了空白。回首过去，我不知道我们是如何成功的，但经过几个月的会面，我们开始在一个更深层次上了解彼此。我们的心超越了文化的障碍，我们开始能够以一种只有我们才能理解的破碎的中式英语混合体进行交流。朋友们常常在困惑中摇头，因为我们的对话会在英语、汉语和她的东北方言之间来回跳跃，有时甚至在一句话中就夹杂了两三种。对于一个局外人来说，我们的沟通方式似乎是一种混乱的口语。但是于我们而言，她能理解，我能理解，我们就都很高兴。

Greatest Adventure: meet the love of my life

I have lived in China now for seven years. During those years,I have collected many stories and had many adventures. My greatest adventure did not happen until just recently. In 2017,I met the love of my life, a beautiful Chinese girl from the northeast. We were introduced by a mutual friend and for me,it was love at first sight, although it would take a little longer for her to fall in love with me. Cross-cultural dating brings its own set of challenges. Our biggest challenge was the language barrier. My spoken Chinese level is still poor and her superior English skills had gone unused since high school. So, our first meetings often involved smartphones with translation apps filling in the gaps when we could not find the words to speak our minds. Looking back at it, I do not know how we manage,but after months of meeting together, we began to understand each other on a much deeper level. Our hearts transcended the cultural barrier and we were began being able to communicate in a broken mix of Chinglish that only we could understand.Friends would often shake their heads in confusion as we would jump back and forth between English, Chinese, and her regional northeast dialect, sometimes even in a single sentence.What may have seemed liked a chaos of spoken language to an outsider, our little ways of communicating. She understood, I understood, and we were both happy.

在那些天里我认识到，唯一能够让她在糟糕的一天里高兴起来的方法就是带她去吃些辛辣的食物。我们最爱去的一个地点是一家市里非常有名的火锅店，火锅店的旁边还有一家餐厅做的麻辣小龙虾非常好吃。她很爱吃辛辣的食物，然而我却不太能接受。这就是我们会产生分歧的其中一方面。越热辣的食物她越喜爱，但对我而言，一点点辣味的香料就足以让我流泪并且后悔为什么一开始我要去尝试它。我经常会带她去她最爱的餐厅看她大快朵颐麻辣龙虾尾，那时我就会高兴地坐在她身边享受我那一份一点辣味都没有的烤鱼。我们或许在食物辣味的程度上不能达成统一，但我们俩对美食都有相同程度的热爱。如果我们一起去吃火锅，我们就会点上一份鸳鸯锅底，一边是辣汤一边是清汤。最后我俩都会心满意足地走出餐厅。

I learned during those days that the best way to make her happy on a bad day was to give her spicy food. We had a favorite spot in the city where a popular hotpot restaurant sat next to a great place for spicy crawdads. She loves spicy food. I, however, do not. This is one area where we will always disagree. Hotter is better for her, but even a little bit of spicy sauce is enough to make me start crying and wish I never had tried a bite. I have often taken her to her favorite spot and watched as she would chow down on some extremely spicy crawdad tails. I would sit happily by her side and enjoy my non-spicy fish barbeque.We may not be able to agree on levels of spicy, but we can both agree on delicious food. If we get hotpot, then we always get the divided bowl with spicy on the one-side and non-spicy on the other. Then we both leave the hotpot restaurant with full and happy stomachs.

有时，我的未婚妻会和我争论，她说东北菜是中国最好吃的菜，我承认东北菜确实很美味，然而我却很难承认东北菜在中国所有菜系里面是最好吃的。但是，当我和我的未婚妻去看望她的家人时，我就亲自体验了东北风味的食物。这段旅程是在2017年年初，那时我和她还只是处于朋友阶段，也没有开始约会。关于这段旅程我真的是紧张极了，因为这是我第一次去见她的家人和朋友。这次的见面就像是一次测试，看我是否有资格当她的男朋友。在去往她家乡的火车上，紧张感使我几乎整夜无法入睡。如今回忆起这段往事，我始终无法确定在见家人和朋友这件事上我和我的未婚妻谁会感到更紧张一点。

My fiancée often argues with me that northeast style Chinese food is the best food in China. I tend to agree with her about northeast food being great, however, it is hard for me to say that it is the best when China has so many regions with so many delicious flavors. However, I would get to experience northeast style food for myself when she and I took a trip to visit her family. This trip came during the early part of 2017 when she and I were just friends and had not yet started dating. I was extremely nervous about this trip because it was the first time,I was to meet her family and friends. It was going to be a test to see if I was an acceptable candidate for being a boyfriend.I could hardly contain my nervousness as I spent a sleepless night on the train to her hometown. Looking back at it, I am still not sure whether she or I was the more nervous one about meeting her friends and family.

我原本以为我只需向我未婚妻的家人介绍自己，没想到我几乎向她整个村子里的人们自我介绍过了。那时候我才真正深刻体会到中国的家庭关系，许多中国人在生活中交流接触甚深，就如一个群落一样，人们被数不清的阿姨舅妈等关系连为亲戚关系，一起看着她们的子女们长大。就算是没有血缘关系的人也被称为兄弟姐妹或者叔伯姨婶。有一种真实的感觉是，一个村庄的人在共同抚养一个孩子，这一点在中国表现得最为明显。

I thought I was going to be introduced to just my fiancée’s family, but it felt more like I was introduced to her entire village. It was at this moment that I really got to experience Chinese family-ties. Many Chinese people live deeply connect as a community. People are tied together by a dozen aunties that all watched their children grow up together. Non-bloodrelated friends are called brothers, sisters, aunts, or uncles.There is a real sense that it takes a village to raise a child, and nowhere is this more evident than in China.

我以为我未婚妻的母亲会是我和她女儿谈恋爱的最大反对者。然而，事实证明并非如此。我问我的未婚妻，怎样称呼她的妈妈才是正确的称呼，她告诉我“阿姨”是正确的称呼。然而，当她妈妈听到我叫她阿姨时，她拒绝了，说我应该叫她妈妈。我很惊讶，但我认为这是一个好迹象，她想让我成为这个家庭的一员。就在那时，我意识到在中国，成为别人的男朋友是一种严峻的考验。通常整个家庭都参与了这个过程和决策。这可不是儿戏，我试着以最大的尊重来对待整个考验。我喜欢住在中国，我喜欢中国文化，并且我未婚妻的家人尊重我对他们家的爱。

I had assumed my fiancée’s mother would be the biggest opponent of my dating her daughter. However, this turned out not to be true. I had asked my fiancée, what would be the proper way to great her mom, and she told me that “aunty”was the correct term. However, when her mother heard me call her aunty, she refused it and said I should call her mom. I was surprised, but I took this as a good sign that she wanted me to be part of the family. This is when I learned that becoming someone’s boyfriend in China is a serious ordeal. Often the entire family is involved in the process and the decision making. It was not something to be trifled with and I tried to treat the whole ordeal with the utmost respect. I loved living in China, I loved the Chinese culture, and my fiancée’s family respected my love for their home.

乡下的传统婚礼

我们在东北的这段时间，我参加了我未婚妻最好的朋友的婚礼。这是一场在乡下举行的非常传统的婚礼。新娘和新郎穿着精心设计的红色结婚礼服，新娘的喜服上绣着金色的凤凰和粉红色莲花，新郎的喜服上绣着错综复杂的金龙。衣服华美漂亮极了。参加婚礼的人站在外面，聚集在农舍前的院子里。在农家庭院的尽头有一个巨大的高台，红地毯隔开了拥挤的人群。四个男人穿着传统的蓝色服装抬着红色喜庆的轿子，那里面是蒙着盖头的新娘，她美丽的脸庞被红盖头盖着。此时新郎站在红地毯的起点，等待新娘的到来。轿夫们把喜轿放在地上，新娘从喜轿里走了出来。新郎牵着她的手，领着她穿过围观的人群。他们跨过一个苹果，伴郎们用五彩礼炮向天空发射，倾泻出五彩缤纷的彩带。新娘和新郎走到前面，司仪、他们的父母和我穿着漂亮的粉红色礼服的未婚妻都在那里等着他们。他们走到人群面前，新郎经过三个步骤的仪式把面纱从新娘的脸上掀开：第一次他会稍微掀起一点，然后离手让盖头重归原位，然后第二次把盖头掀起一点，然后再把它放下。第三次，他终于揭开盖头，露出了她美丽的脸。然后他们俩给各自的父母上了茶。最后一个仪式是喝交杯酒，就是交叉把两个人的杯子合在一起饮酒。我发现结婚仪式短得惊人，但却异常美丽且充满意义。就在那个周末，我和未婚妻向家人和朋友宣布我们打算开始正式约会，我们现在正式成为男女朋友了。当我观看婚礼仪式的时候我在想，是否有一天我也能穿上那件红色的新郎喜服，有幸揭开我心爱的人脸上的红盖头呢。

我和未婚妻试穿传统喜服

A traditional wedding in countryside

During our time in the northeast, I got to attend the wedding of my fiancée’s best friend. It was a very traditional wedding taking place in the countryside. The bride and groom wore ornately designed red wedding clothes. Golden phoenixs adorned the bride’s dress alongside pink lotus blossoms.The groom had intricate golden dragons crisscrossing his gown. The clothes were stunning. The wedding attendees stood outside gathered in a courtyard in front of the farmhouse belonging to the grandparents. A red carpet divided the crowd with a large raised platform at the end of the farmyard. Four men dressed in traditional blue garb carried a red bridal carriage on long polls. Inside was the veiled bride who sat hidden underneath the red draperies.The groom stood at the beginning of the red carpet waiting for his bride to arrive. The men sat the carriage down on the ground and she stepped out from the basket. The groom took her hand and lead her through the onlooking crowd.They stepped over an apple as groomsmen fired off confetti cannons overhead spilling a cascade of colorful streamers into the sky. The bride and groom made their way to the front where the master of ceremonies, their parents, and my fiancée (in a beautiful pink dress) all waited for them. The proceeded to the front and then stood before the crowd. The groom lifted the veil from her face using a three-stage ritual:he would lift a little bit, then put it back down, and then lift the veil a little higher the second time before putting it down again. On the third time, he finally lifted the veil completely to reveal her face. The two of them then served tea to their respective in-laws. The third and final ritual was the drinking of a cup of white wine and then clasping the two cups together in union. I found the marriage ceremony to be suprizingly short, but it was extremely beautiful and meaningful. That same weekend, my fiancée and I announced our intentions to both family and friends to start date. We were now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. As I watched the wedding ceremony I wondered if one day I,too, would get to wear the red gown and get the privilege of lifting the red veil from the face of my beloved.

距离我和未婚妻参加她好朋友的婚礼已经有一年了。从那开始，我就宣布了我要娶她。我在圣诞夜向她求婚。现在，我和未婚妻正忙着准备我们的婚礼。我们正在为婚礼预订房间，准备菜单，试穿婚纱。在不久前的一天，我看着婚纱店里镜子中的自己，身着红色的中国传统婚服，上面有金龙在胸口处舞动。再过几个月我就要和我的梦中情人结婚了。我离我的梦想越来越近了。我记得，在美国乡村长大的那个小男孩，8岁时第一次在一家中国餐馆尝试使用筷子。我记得27岁那年，他坐上一架飞机，前往古老神秘的未知国度——中国。现在，他正望着33岁的自己，穿着中国传统的结婚礼服。

It has been a year since my fiancée, and I attended the wedding of her best friend. Since then, I have announced my intentions to marry her. I proposed on Christmas Eve. Now, my fiancée and I are busy getting ready for our wedding. We are making reservations for the wedding party, preparing the menu, and trying on wedding clothes.The other day, I stared at my reflection in the mirror of a bridal clothing shop. I saw myself clothed in a Chinese traditional red wedding gown as golden dragons danced on my chest. Within a few short months, I will marry the girl of my dreams. However, at this moment, a deeper dream was coming true. I remembered that little boy growing up in rural America. I remembered 8-year old me trying to use chopsticks for the first time at a Chinese restaurant. I remembered a 27-year-old me getting on an airplane and traveling to unknown land of ancient mysteries. Now I was looking at a 33-year-old me clothed in a traditional Chinese wedding gown.

我的生活就是一场奇遇。我正在我儿时起就爱上的国家里生活着，经历着。更重要的是，我即将成为一个中国家庭的一员，一个文化的一员，一个社区的一员，而这一切都是我曾经梦寐以求的。这是我梦想的家园。（本杰明·大卫·凯里：1985年生于美国马里兰州，作家、诗人、音乐人、导演、艺术家，现任北华航天工业学院高级英语教师，2015年荣获“河北省优秀外国专家奖”）

My life has been an amazing adventure. I was living and experiencing the country I fell in love with when I was a boy.More than that, I was about to become a part of a family, of a culture, and of a community that I could only once dream about. This is the land of my dreams.