Mind Your Behavior in Delicate Situations

By Hui Guniang

Some time ago, gastroenteritis befell me, and I was vomiting and having watery stools—nearly dying.On the third day of lying in bed, I received a call from a former business partner.

He obviously knew I was sick.So he asked at first, “Oh, how are you feeling now? For the better?” I immediately replied: “Much better.” He was glad hearing that and immediately started talking about his recent new project and the intention he had to cooperate.We talked more than an hour before hanging up.

Seeing me putting down the phone, my mother was very upset: “You are obviously not getting better, and you just had an intravenous drip.Why did you tell others that you are better?” I explained: “Though he asked if I was feeling better, he wasn’t really caring about my condition.He hoped that my illness had already been cured, so that we could talk about work.If I said the illness was still serious, he would not have been able to start the conversation he had intended to have with me.I’m just trying to be sensible by letting him finish his words.”

To be sensible is actually a matter of understanding others.

In negotiations between enterprises, assistants are often the one who check bosses’ schedules first and set the meeting place.When the two sides meet for the first time and are not familiar with each other, the assistants’ good sensibility is put to the test in how and where they schedule the meeting.

Once, an entrepreneur hired an assistant who went out with him to meet a client.The assistant wore extremely expensive suits, shoes, and sunglasses.His hair was smooth and shiny, his hands in his pockets.His appearance made him look more powerful than the boss.

When the two sides met, our assistant did not say anything but stood by.The other side’s boss mistakenly thought that our assistant was the boss.So he came up and took his hand intimately: “Mr.XX! Long time no see!” The real boss was left behind, and the scene was quite embarrassing.

At dinner, the two bosses sat down and talked.The assistant of the other party sat quietly, recording, handing over the information, signaling the waiter and tea, and he kept silent when not asked.

Our assistant, on the other hand, was too committed.No matter what topic it was, he would butt in and put forward a lot of “independent opinions.” Even when the other party’s boss mentioned that his daughter’s transfer of school was difficult, before our boss opened his mouth, our assistant patted his own chest and promised: “That’s not a big deal.Just leave it to me!”

At the parting time, the other party’s boss politely invited: “We look forward to our cooperation when opportunity permits.” The boss of our party nodded politely and smiled without expressing any intention.Our assistant shook hands again with excitement: “There surely could be! Tell us when you need!”

…

It is conceivable that, after the assistant returned to the company, he was dismissed.

His dressing was so exaggerated that he out-shined the boss.He didn’t remember to introduce the boss when they first met.He didn’t know his status and spoke casually in the conversation.He boasted of power in the chat, ignoring his own boss.The gravest thing was that he was self-righteous and arrogant in making decisions, which might cause misunderstandings and losses.He might not be described as “ignorant”—but he was certainly “courting a rebuff.”

It’s easy to be sensible in concept, but hard to practice it.

When the other party cannot drink any more liquor, we shall say, “I’ll empty it.Be my guest.” When you are having dinner with a girl, if she eats a lot, try to take some more even you are already full, instead of saying “Why do you eat so much?” When tourists are taking photos while traveling, do not walk in front of them.If it is a road trip, take turns driving—don’t wait for your partners to exclaim their tiredness driving.Don’t publish information of your donations, and don’t show your pity and charity.When the other person shows a hesitant or distasteful expression while chatting with you, stop and switch the topic subtly.When you are having a relationship, and your partner is cold to you or even commits cold violence, do not hesitate to break up.Don’t hang on or lose your mind.Pose your question when others are willing to answer.And do not inquire if they are not ready to tell.

Another popular way of saying “being sensible” is “having a sense of propriety.”

We shall know what we are in the eyes of others, learn to read faces, and stay within proper limits.We shall know what we want and learn to get it in a reasonable way.Don’t ask for more than what you should get.Don’t be contentious or hysterical.I’m not telling you to be all things to all men, but to put everyone around you on your mind and treat them with respect and kindness.

To be a funny guy is not easy, but it’s not that hard to be a sensible person.

(FromThis World Secretly Loves You, Hunan Literature and Art Publishing House.Translation: Hu Honglei)

学会识趣

文/辉姑娘

前段时间肠胃炎犯了，上吐下泻，整个人被折腾得死去活来。躺在床上的第三天，我接到一个电话，对方是之前生意上的合作伙伴。

他显然知道我生病，上来第一句话就问：“哎呀，你的病怎么样了？好些了吗？”我马上回答：“好多了，好多了。”对方很高兴，立刻聊起最近他的新项目，以及希望达成的合作。我们讲了一个多小时才收线。

放下电话，母亲很不高兴：“你明明病还没好，刚才还在打吊针，为什么要跟人家说好多了？” 我解释：“他问病好没好，并不是真的关心病情，而是希望我的病已经好了，这样就可以聊工作。如果还很严重，他根本就不会再说接下来的话了。识趣一点儿，不如让他把话说完吧。”

识趣，其实是识心。

企业之间的商谈，先由助理们敲定大佬们的时间，定好地点即可。有时双方是第一次见面，并不熟识，在这个过程中，就格外考验助理们知情识趣的技巧了。某位企业家聘请过一位助理，一次随老板见客户，助理穿了极其昂贵的西装和皮鞋，头发梳得油光水滑，两手插袋，戴着墨镜，看起来比老板还有派头。

双方见面时，他不吭声，只是站在一边。对方老板误以为他才是正主，上来就亲热地握住了他的手：“×总！久仰久仰！”真正的老总被生生晾在一旁，场面十分尴尬。随后的饭局中，两位老总对坐而谈，对方的助理始终安静地坐在一旁，记录，递资料，示意服务生加茶水等，老板不问就保持沉默。这位助理则极其投入，无论谈论何种话题，他都能插得进话，侃侃而谈，发表了大量的“独立见解”。甚至连对方老总提到自己女儿转学难的问题，己方老总还未开口，他立刻拍胸脯保证：“这都是小事，包在我身上！”

临别时，对方老总礼貌邀请：“有机会可以一起合作。”己方老总客气地颔首微笑，并未表达任何意愿。这位助理却再度兴奋握手：“必须的！有事您说话！”

可想而知，这位助理回到公司后，就被婉言辞退了。

穿戴过于夸张盖过领导风头；见面时不知介绍领导身份；会谈中摆不正位置随意发言；聊天中炫耀能量不顾及领导面子；最重要的是，在工作决策中自以为是、越俎代庖，造成可能的误解和损失。这大概已经不能用“不识趣”来形容，而只能是“自讨没趣”了。

识趣这件事，听着容易，实践起来很难。

敬酒时，对方不胜酒力时说一句“我干杯，你随意”；吃饭时，女孩子吃得很多，自己不太饿也尽力多吃几口，不要说“你怎么吃这么多”这种话；旅行时，游客在拍照，不要在中间穿行。如果是自驾游，主动提出与司机轮流开车，别等人家先喊累；捐助时，尽量不公布被捐助者的信息，也不要以怜悯和施舍的姿态出现；聊天时，对方表情迟疑或反感时，及时打住，巧妙地转移话题；恋爱时，另一半疏于联络，经常敷衍，甚至出现了冷暴力。别犹豫，坦然提分手。切莫死缠烂打，失了分寸。别人愿意说，你再问；别人不愿说，别打听。

“识趣”的另一种通俗说法，其实就是“懂事”。

懂得自己在他人心中的分量，懂得察言观色，懂得适可而止。懂得自己想要什么，合理索取，不过分，不矫情，不歇斯底里。这不是什么八面玲珑、油滑处事，而是把每一个交流的人都放在了心上，尊重和善待。

做一个有趣的人的确很难；做一个识趣的人，没那么难吧。

（摘自《这世界偷偷爱着你》湖南文艺出版社）