The Egg Trick

By Huang Jiansheng

My wife went out early in the morning and came back with four eggs in her hands.I asked her: “What did you only buy four for?”

She replied, “I didn’t buy them.They were given for free.”

She told me, “There were healthcare classes down at the movie theatre, and after class they gave away eggs.”

I said, “Don’t be foolish—there’s no such thing as a free lunch.Be careful or you will fall into their trap.”

She refuted, “No way.As long as I don’t hand out any of my money, then I can’t be conned.”

I guess she’s right.As long as the wallet is kept tightly shut, there won’t be any issues.

Unexpectedly, my wife brought home a pillow five days later.I asked her, “Did you buy it or got it for free?”

She said, “I bought it.”

I asked her how much it cost her.“A hundred and seventy-five dollars,” she replied.

I was shocked, it seemed like she really did get duped.I told her, “You’ve been bamboozled.”

She responded, “No way, it’s a healthcare pillow, it originally cost four hundred and forty dollars, and I got it for a hundred and seventy-five dollars—I’ve made a profit!”

I insisted, “You’ve been conned.”

She retaliated, “You don’t get it, it’s a healthcare pillow, not only can it treat lightheadedness, headaches, and insomnia but it can also help alleviate back problems, dementia, and other health troubles.”

I couldn’t convince her; all I could do was shake my head.

She used the pillow for over a month, and her insomnia gradually grew worse and it was even accompanied by dizziness.I said to her, “You know you’ve been fooled, now, right?”

She nodded regretfully, saying, “In the future, whenever there are healthcare classes giving stuff away, I’ll go and grab the free stuff, and slowly I’ll make up for this loss.But, I’ll never take out my wallet again.”

Opportunity came knocking again.My wife went out early in the morning and brought back four eggs again.I was worried that she would once again be hoodwinked, so I secretly followed her.My plan was to wait till she was about to give her money away and show up to stop her.This way she wouldn’t get fooled again.

I followed her every day for the next four days and even listened attentively to the healthcare classes.I didn’t take the free eggs, though.I didn’t want to accept their little favors.On the fifth day, however, I couldn’t stop myself from spending money.After my wife left, I bought a three-hundred-dollar healthcare waistband and brought it home with me.

My wife saw the belt and asked curiously, “Could it be that you got this at the movie theatre?”

“Yeah.Didn’t you hear the class? You must already know all the benefits of this healthcare waistband.”

She was visibly upset, “Look at you! Why wouldn’t you talk to me about this first?”

I used the belt according to the instructions for a good month, but didn’t see any improvements in my kidney functions, digestive system, spinal health, or back pain.Instead, my constipation got worse and my back started hurting more.My wife said, “You know you’ve been fooled, now, right?”

I nodded my head and, looking regretful, I said, “In the future, whenever there are healthcare classes giving stuff away, I’ll go with you and grab the free stuff, and slowly we’ll make up for our losses.But I’ll never take out my wallet again.”

The healthcare classes started up again at the movie theatre.We both went together and grabbed the free stuff.We brought home eight eggs a day! Ha-ha! After we had been cheated, we realized, it’d be a waste not to grab the free stuff they were giving away.But, ever since they changed the topic of the class to the dangers of trendy healthcare products and the swindling of old folks, we’ve just sat there constantly nodding our heads.

In the end the expert stated that if any damage had been caused from using the healthcare pillow, the healthcare waistband, or the healthcare insoles then it would be best to get a massage chair to recuperate in.Not only could the massage chair eliminate the harm caused from before and help with recovery but it could also improve our physiological functions and benefit the entire body.

I talked about it with my wife and we decided to spend the four hundred and forty dollars to buy one for our home.

We took turns trying it out for more than a month.Neither of us found any health benefits, though.The only function that it really had was as a chair, but hey, at least you could sit on it.

(FromHumor and Jokes, December 2018.Translation: Sam Bowden)

忽 悠

文/黄健生

老伴清早出门，拿了4个鸡蛋回来。我问老伴：“怎么就买4个？”老伴说：“不是买的，是免费领取的。”我再问是怎么回事，老伴说：“电影院里有人讲保健课，听完以后，可以免费领取鸡蛋。”我说：“你千万别相信，世上没有免费的午餐，小心掉进别人的陷阱。”老伴说：“不可能的，我只要不出钱，就不会被骗。”我想想也是，捂紧自己的钱袋子就不会有事。

领取鸡蛋的第5天，老伴竟然拿了个枕头回来。我问老伴：“是买的还是免费领取的？”老伴说：“买的。”我问花了多少钱，老伴儿说：“1200元。”我大吃一惊，看来老伴还是被忽悠了。我说：“你被骗了。”老伴说：“不会的，这是保健枕，本来卖3000元，这会儿只要1200元，赚了。”我还是说：“你被骗了。”老伴说：“你不懂的，这个保健枕哪，既可以治疗头晕、头痛和失眠，还对颈椎病、老年痴呆症等有很好的缓解作用。”我说不过老伴，只好摇摇头。

保健枕被老伴用了一个多月，失眠却越来越严重，还伴随着头晕。我对老伴说：“知道被忽悠了吧？”老伴点了点头，做后悔状，并说：“以后碰到讲保健课，有免费东西领还得去领，这损失，挽回一点是一点，但决不掏钱了。”

机会又来了。老伴清早出去，又拿回来4个鸡蛋。我怕老伴再次上当，就偷偷跟了去。我想，待老伴真要花钱时，我就强行拦阻，这样就不会上当受骗了。接下来的4天我都跟了去，并认真听课，但不去领鸡蛋，我不想占这点儿小便宜。第5天，我忍不住出手了，老伴离开后，我花2000元买了条保健腰带回家。老伴看到腰带，好奇了，问：“难道你是在电影院买的？”我说：“是呀，你不是也听课了吗？这个保健腰带的好处想必你是很清楚的。”老伴生气地说：“你呀你，怎么就不跟我商量一下呢？”

我按要求使用保健腰带一个多月，什么增强肾脏功能、健胃消食、缓解腰椎病引起的腰痛等功能，我一样也没有享受到，倒是便秘的症状加重了，腰也开始轻微地痛起来。老伴对我说：“知道被忽悠了吧？”我点了点头，做后悔状，并说：“以后碰到讲保健课，我跟你一起去，有免费东西领还得去领，这损失，挽回一点是一点，但决不掏钱了。”

保健课又在电影院开课了。我和老伴一起去，两个人领，每天8个鸡蛋，哈哈，上当后的我们想通了，不领白不领。但这几次讲课的内容不同以往，专讲一般保健品的危害，以及对老年人的忽悠，听得我们不停地点头。最后，专家讲，如果使用保健枕、保健腰带、保健足垫等产生了危害，最好使用保健按摩椅来调理。使用保健按摩椅不仅可以化解危害、康复病体，还有助于提升自身生理功能，对全身都有好处。我与老伴一商量，就花3000元买了一把回家。

经过一个多月的轮换使用，我和老伴还真没发现有什么好处。唯一起作用的，就是作为一把椅子，能坐而已。

（摘自《幽默与笑话》2018年第12期）