浙江省新高考英语应用文写作试题分析及范例点评

姜建军

2016年10月起，浙江省高考英语科目启用了新题型，其中写作分为两部分，第一部分为应用文写作，要求考生根据所给情景，写一篇80词左右的短文。

题型分析

应用文属实用文体，有严格的语境限制，比如确定的时间、地点，确定的对象、范围，确定的行文目的等。因此，应用文写作应力求主旨鲜明，格式正确，语言简练，语气因人因事而异。

书信、电子邮件是常见的应用文写作考查题型，主要包括询问信、致歉信、致谢信、慰问信、投诉信、邀请信、介绍信、求职信等。写作时要注意格式正确，包含称呼语（salutation），正文（body），结束语（complimentary close），签名（signature）。如在2016年10月的试卷中，应用文写作的要求是给未曾谋面的加拿大的住家（homestay）写一封咨询信（Letter of Inquiry）。写作时遣词应尽量客气一些，行文应力求具有亲和力，切忌使用一些艰深的大词，也不宜使用一些结构过于杂糅的长句。

题目要求

假定你是李华，下学期你将作为交换生（exchange student）去加拿大一所高中学习，要住在Lynn的家里。请给Lynn写一封邮件，内容包括：

1.介绍自己；

2.告知到达时间；

3.询问应做何准备。

注意：

1.词数80左右；

2.可适当增加细节，以使行文连贯。

试题要点分析

答题难度提示

写作具体要求

（一）内容要点

1.介绍自己；

2.告知到达时间；

3.询问应做何准备。

（二）应用词汇和语法结构的情况

1.使用与主题相关的词汇；2.能够使用恰当的语法结构。

（三）上下文的连贯性

按照内容要点展开写作，使用恰当的连接词或表达法使文章内容连贯。

写作构思

对于这封咨询邮件（（Letter of Inquiry），可采用以下步骤来构思：

参考范文

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from China. Im happy to know that Ill be staying with your family in the next few months while Im studying at the local high school. Thank you for having me！ I will arrive in Toronto on August 20th and get to your place later that afternoon. I wonder if you could give me some advice so that I can get myself better prepared for my stay in Canada.

Looking forward to seeing you！

Best wishes，

Li Hua

习作点评

学生习作1

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from China. Next term Ill study in a senior high school in Canada， during which I will live in your house.

As a high school student， I do well in my schoolwork and get along well with others. After school， I am fond of reading books and watching films.

I am scheduled to arrive just a week before my class begins. And since I have never been to Canada before， I have no idea what to prepare. It would be really kind of you to give me some advice.

Looking forward to your early reply.

Yours sincerely，

Li Hua

点评1

这篇习作无论是内容、结构，还是语言、信件的格式，都非常好。作者表现出很强的语言运用能力，应用了较多的语法结构和地道的表达，优美的词句用连接词有机地组成了信件的主要部分，读起来如行云流水，不但清晰地把信息传达给了读者，同時也让人得到了美的享受，是一篇不可多得的好习作。如果吹毛求疵的话，第一段中的“live”用得不太妥当，改成“stay”比较好，因为在加拿大是短暂的停留。还有“After school， I am fond of reading books and watching films”这句中的“am fond of ”和“After school”不太搭，因为一个人的喜好不只是放学后才有的。然瑕不掩瑜，这篇习作的得分可以进入第五档。

学生习作2

Dear Lynn，

Im Li Hua， an exchange student from a Chinese high school. Its my great honor to go to your country for further education which will broaden my horizons. Nothing can delight me so much as living in your house. It is your enthusiasm， I think， that will make me feel at home. By the way， I will arrive at your house at March 1st next term. Therefore， I want to know what I should make preparations for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time. In the end， thank you in advance. Waiting for your reply.

Yours sincerely，

Li Hua

点评2

这篇习作格式正确，并覆盖了所有内容要点，语言简练明了。作者具备较强的语言运用能力，词汇丰富，比如“further education”“ahead of time”，感情色彩明显，比如“my great honor”“Nothing can delight me so much”，尝试着使用较复杂的结构，比如强调句型“It is your enthusiasm， I think， that will make me feel at home”。语句间的连接成分“By the way”和“Therefore”让全文结构紧凑。不过有三处表达有些欠妥：“I want to know what I should make preparations for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time”这句话应该调整为“I want to know what preparation I should make for the trip so that I could prepare ahead of time”；“In the end， thank you in advance”中的“In the end”应删去；“Waiting for your reply”可以措辞更加客气些。综上所述，这篇习作的得分可以进入第五档。

学生习作3

Dear Lynn，

Im writing to you to tell you that I will study in your countrys high school as an exchange student. And I will live with you together.

My name is Li Hua. I am very outgoing， considerate and kind. I get along well with my classmates， so I thought we will become good friends. And I have a command of English， so I could help you if you have the problem in English.

Another thing I want to tell you is that I will arrive in September 1st. Whats more， I intend to ask you that something I should prepare for my life and study.

If you can tell me these， I will be thankful to you. I hope you can reply me quickly. Best wishes！

Li Hua

点评3

这篇习作格式正确，结构清晰，要点完全覆盖，开门见山直奔主题，而且表达地道。语法结构和词汇方面基本准确，“I intend to ask you that something I should prepare for my life and study” 这句是因为尝试宾语从句出现了一点错误，应该改为：“I intend to ask you what I should prepare for my life and study”。作者词汇较丰富，使用了形容词“outgoing， considerate and kind”，还有词组“get along well with”等。但遗憾的是文章篇幅较大，语言不够精练，导致词数达到131，超过了所要求的词数最大上限（100词）。因此应从所得总分中减去2分，这篇习作的得分可以进入第四档。

学生习作4

Dear Lynn，

Hello， my name is Li Hua， a exchange student who will go to Canada to study， and I will live with you while Im studying there. I will arrive in Canada at the end of the next month and I wish that you can pick me up your home. As a Chinese student， I dont know what I should prepare for my life living in Canada or if I should give something up which is useless.

Look forward your quick message！

Yours，

Li Hua

點评4

这篇习作格式正确，要点基本覆盖：①介绍了自己，“my name is Li Hua， a exchange student”； ②告知了达到时间，“I will arrive in Canada at the end of the next month”； ③询问了应做何准备，“I dont know what I should prepare for my life living in Canada”。整体而言，基本达到了预期的写作目的，应用的语法结构和词汇能满足任务的要求。但有一些语法结构或词汇方面的错误，比如冠词的使用不当，“a exchange student”应该是“an exchange student”；邮件的结尾部分“Look forward your quick message”不能用祈使句，应该是“Im looking forward to...”的省略。其中的动词短语漏掉了一个介词，而且用词“message”也不准确，改成“Looking forward to your early reply！”比较好。因此这篇习作的得分可以进入第三档。

学生习作5

Dear Lynn，

My name is Li Hua. I will be an exchange student to a high school in Canada for study. And I will live in your house.

I will go there in October next year. But I dont know what can I bring， Im strange. How can I get along well with others？ How about theres weather？ How about theres people？ What are they like doing？ Can you tell me？

I will help your letter. Thank you very much！

Yours，

Li Hua

点评5

这篇习作格式正确，介绍自己这个要点写得很好。有一些语法结构和词汇方面的错误，如“I dont know what can I bring”宾语从句误用了疑问句词序，应该改为“I dont know what I can bring”。较少使用语句间的连接成分，内容缺少连贯性，比如“But I dont know what can I bring， Im strange”，此處作者想要表达“因为我是外地人，所以不知道该带什么”，应该写成“But I dont know what I can bring because I am a stranger ”。另外“How about theres weather？ How about theres people？ What are they like doing？ Can you tell me？ ”句语法错误太多，影响了对写作内容的理解，导致信息未能清楚地传达给读者。可判为第二档。

学生习作6

To Lynn，

Dear Lynn， my name is Li Hua. Next weekend， I need to Canada. I need study in Canada. Im a exchange student. Im 18 years old. Please tell me. What is it doing for me？Im very interesting. Are you welcome me？If you speak “yes”. I will very happy. Thanks for you.

Yours Li Hua

2016，10，16

点评6

这篇习作格式不太符合信件的格式，特别是签名和时间的表达。 “Yours，”和“Li Hua”应该分两行写。日期是中文格式，应该用英文格式“October 16， 2016”写在称呼语的上方。明显遗漏了“询问该做何准备”这个要点。可能未理解试题要求，写了一些无关内容。如：“What is it doing for me？Im very interesting. Are you welcome me？”出现了较多语法结构、词汇方面的错误，如：①误用动词，“Next weekend I need to Canada”应该写成：“Next weekend I will come to Canada” ；②形容词误用为动词，如“I will very happy”应该改成“I will be very happy”。此外，全文缺乏语句间的连接成分，内容不连贯。可判为第一档。