大学适合我吗？

I always wanted to go to college， but didn&apos；t think I was "good enough". My high school years were rocky1）. I was asked to leave my first school—a private Catholic school—at the end of freshman year. I&apos；d been hanging out with troublemakers， and my passing grades weren&apos；t high enough to be "Catholic-school acceptable".

At my second school， I also had a lot of friends， which led to easy distraction and bad grades. School wasn&apos；t important to me； I just wanted to go out and chill2）. I was falling behind， but I couldn&apos；t see how it would affect my future options.

I didn&apos；t get a lot of strong guidance from my parents. My mother hadn&apos；t attended college herself， and I knew she wanted me to go. But she never stressed it or really pushed me to get my work done.

我一直想上大学，但又觉得自己“不够优秀”。我高中那几年过得磕磕绊绊的。我上的第一所高中是一所天主教私立学校，在高一学年末我被要求退学，因为我整天和一帮捣蛋鬼混在一起，虽然考试成绩及格了，但不足以达到为“天主教学校所接受的标准”。

在第二所高中，我又交到了很多朋友，这导致我容易分心、成绩差。学业对我来说不重要，我只想出去放松一下。我慢慢落在了后面，但当时我看不出这会怎样影响我未来的选择。

我的父母没有给过我很多有力的引导。我妈妈自己就没上过大学，我知道她希望我上大学。但她从来不强调这一点，也从来不真的督促我完成作业。

During senior year， I wanted to turn back the hands of time. It started with parent-teacher conferences， where all of my teachers talked about how smart I was and how they wished I would put more effort into my school work. Afterwards， my parents wanted to discuss my future.

My father wanted me to become a cop. His main focus was me being able to retire after 20 years on the force. But I knew for sure I was not interested in law enforcement3）. My mother doubted that I would take college seriously and change my lazy ways. She was afraid I would go and end up partying4）.

Meanwhile， ever since I was small， my grandmother had told me， "I just want you to go to college and be someone in life." I didn&apos；t want to disappoint her or anyone else in my family by not living up to my potential. But I felt unsure of what I wanted.

The truth is， I did have goals. I&apos；ve always wanted either to become an astronomer or to become a news reporter or meteorologist5） （all of which require college）. I&apos；ve never been shy and I can talk to people about anything， which is essential in journalism. And I have always had a love for the stars and the planets. If I didn&apos；t go to college， what would I do？ These dreams would be out of reach.

But I never really spoke to anyone about my goals； I just figured I would deal with them when the time came. Now the time had come， and I had no clue what to do.

高中毕业那年，我希望时间倒流。事情的起因是家长会，会上所有的老师都说我有多聪明、他们有多希望我能把更多的精力放到学业上。事后，我父母就想讨论一下我的未来。

爸爸希望我成为一名警察。他主要关注的是我能在加入警队20年后享受退休待遇。但我清清楚楚地知道我对执法行业并不感兴趣。妈妈不相信我会认真对待上大学这件事并改掉我的懒惰习气。她担心我上大学会以吃喝玩乐而告终。

同时，从小奶奶就告诉我：“我唯一的希望就是你能上大学，出人头地。”我不想愧于自己的潜力，让她或家里任何人失望。但我不确定自己想要什么。

实际上，我是有目标的。我一直想成为一名宇航员或新闻记者或气象学家（所有这些都需要大学教育）。我从不害羞，能和别人聊任何话题，这对从事新闻工作是必要的。我也一直对恒星和行星抱有热情。如果我不上大学，我该怎么办？这些梦想将遥不可及。

但我从未真正和任何人谈起过我的目标。我只觉得时间一到我自然就能应付。现在时间已到，我却毫无头绪，不知该做什么。

As college application deadlines drew closer， I started doing some serious thinking. I knew that college was something I wanted to experience. Most of my friends were planning on going away for college； knowing they were doing what I wanted to do made me feel disappointed and ashamed. I knew my grades and lack of motivation were in danger of holding me back.

It was late to act， but better late than never. So when I got the opportunity to visit Herkimer Community College in upstate New York， I took it as a chance to get a feel for college life and help my decision-making process. I spent three days there and stayed with my cousin， who lived with four other girls in housing off campus.

While they did homework， they told me all about life in college. They had complete freedom， coming and going as they pleased. They would stay up late at night and still get up and go to class. They had a lot of work， but it was nothing they couldn&apos；t handle.

I realized that college would give me a feeling of being on my own. But I knew I wasn&apos；t completely ready for independence. I have never been away from my family and friends for a long period， so the idea was nerve-racking6） and exciting at the same time.

随着大学申请的截止日期越来越近，我开始做一些认真的思考。我知道大学是我想要去体验的东西。我大部分的朋友都在计划离家去上大学，知道他们正在做我想要做的事情让我感到又沮丧又羞愧。我知道我的成绩和动力不足都有拖我后腿的危险。

现在开始行动是晚了，但晚做总比不做好。因此，当我有机会参观纽约州北部的赫尔基摩社区学院时，我认为这是一个让我亲身感受大学生活的好机会，而且对我做决定也有帮助。我在那里待了三天，和我表姐住在一起，她和另外四个女孩一起住在校外。

她们一边做作业，一边给我讲述大学生活的方方面面。她们有充分的自由，可以想来就来、想走就走。她们也会熬夜到很晚，第二天照常起床去上课。她们作业很多，但都能应付。

我认识到，大学将给我一种“自力更生”的感觉。但我也知道，我并没有完全做好自立的准备。我从未离开家人和朋友很长时间，所以这个想法让我既紧张又兴奋。

The trip got me thinking more realistically about my options. Although I preferred to go away for college， because of my grades I realized that I needed a Plan B. I could live at home and attend a two-year community college in the city， and then transfer to a four-year school after raising my GPA. Another option was to take a break after high school and find a job， saving up enough money to support myself through school.

I was confused and wished I had more time. It was now November and deadlines were approaching. College applications needed to be done， I still needed to apply for financial aid， and I hadn&apos；t taken the SATs yet.

I realized that wishing I had done better in the past was keeping me from pursuing the future. I feared my bad habits would repeat themselves and I would get caught up—not doing my work， getting easily distracted and not succeeding. I was stuck， and now I see that it was mostly about me doubting myself. I knew I could do better than failing grades and tardiness， but I was almost ready to give up without trying.

In the end， I decided to go to a community college in the city for a year， improve my grades and transfer. While I&apos；m going to community college I will mentally prepare to move out. I plan on finding a part-time job. This way I can get a feel of both college life and work before I leave home.

此趟大学之行让我对如何选择进行了更加现实的思考。虽然我更倾向于离家上大学，但因为我的成绩不够理想，我意识到自己需要一个备用计划。我可以先住在家里，在本市上一所两年制社区学院，提高我的在校平均分数后再转学到一所四年制学校。我的另一个选择是高中毕业后先休学，找一份工作，攒够供自己上学的钱。

我非常迷茫，希望自己能有更多的时间。现在已经11月了，最后期限越来越近。我不仅有大学申请表要填，还需要申请助学金，而且我还没考“赛达”（编注：美国的学术能力评估测试，相当于中国的高考）。

我认识到，希望自己过去能做得更好只会阻碍我追求未来。我害怕自己会陋习复发，害怕我会陷进去——不做作业、上课容易走神、考试不及格。过去的我深陷其中难以自拔，而现在我终于看清楚，最大的问题是我对自己不自信。我知道自己能做得比考试挂科、学习拖拉更好，但我几乎试都不试就打算放弃。

最后，我决定先在本市的一所社区学院上一年学，把我的成绩提高一些，然后再转学。在我去社区学院上学期间，我还将做好心理准备搬出去住。我计划找一份兼职工作。通过这种方式我可以在离家前同时体验大学生活和工作两种感觉。

The only thing left to do was let my parents know my decision. I hoped they&apos；d be supportive， which would make an already difficult situation easier. One night I sat down with my mother. As I spoke， I tried to read her facial expression.

After our conversation I felt good about the decision I made. Knowing I had my mom&apos；s support gave me that push I needed to start my college journey.

In the end， I want to prove my old doubts wrong and make my family proud.

剩下唯一要做的就是让父母知道我的决定了。我希望他们能够支持我，这件事虽然已经很难了，但有了他们的支持就能容易一些。一天晚上，我坐下来和妈妈聊天。我一边说话，一边试着读懂她脸上的表情。

我们聊完之后，我感觉自己做了个明智的决定。知道妈妈是支持我的，这给了我开启大学之旅所需要的那一股推力。

终于，我想要证明我以前对自己的那些怀疑是错的，我想让家人为我自豪。

Now， my biggest worry is whether I can banish my self-doubt. I avoid studying and finishing my assignments because I&apos；m afraid of failing yet again. Instead， I procrastinate8）. I play with my phone， watch TV and surf the internet. Sometimes I waste hours this way. I&apos；m concerned that I&apos；ll continue these bad habits when I get to college， so I&apos；ve started thinking about what I can do to change.

For one thing， I have to get strict with myself about sticking with a study schedule. And I have to completely unplug9）： turn off my phone and the TV， and try to avoid the internet. I also realized that I focus better when I study with someone else， so I&apos；m going to make a point to let10） my mom quiz me， and form study groups with my classmates. I&apos；ve been told it&apos；s good to meet with my professors during their office hours， and I think that may help me follow through with assignments. I&apos；m still nervous about whether I&apos；ll be able to do all of these things， but it&apos；s better than having no plan at all.

现在，我最担心的就是自己能不能摆脱自我怀疑。我之所以逃避学习、不完成作业，是因为我害怕再次失败。我反而选择了拖延。我玩手机、看电视、上网。有时我能就这样浪费掉好几个小时。我担心上大学后会保留这些坏习惯，所以我开始考虑我能做些什么来改变自己。

首先，我必须严格要求自己坚持执行学习计划。其次，我必须和一切电子产品彻底分手：关掉手机和电视，并尽量不上网。我还发现，当我和另一个人一起学习的时候，我的注意力更集中，所以我要专门让妈妈测验我，并和班上的同学结成学习小组一起学习。有人告诉我一个好方法，那就是在教授们的办公时间里去向他们请教，我觉得这个方法或许有助于我坚持做完作业。我现在依然忐忑不安，不知自己是否能够做到所有这些事情，但现在这样总好过完全没有计划。