内向的你，没必要模仿你那闪耀的闺蜜

文/Sophia Dembling 译/木枝君 绘/ 也圆



内向的你，没必要模仿你那闪耀的闺蜜

文/Sophia Dembling 译/木枝君 绘/ 也圆

My best friend in high school was a pretty， outgoing， talkative extrovert①extrovert 英 ［'ekstrəvɜːt］ 美 ［,ɛkstrə'vɝt］ n. 外向；外倾者；性格外向者（等于extravert）. Not only did she have gorgeous skin， a cute figure，and shiny brown hair that fell practically to her bottom， she also was flirtatious②flirtatious 英 ［fɜː'teɪʃəs］ 美 ［fɝ'teʃəs］ adj. 轻浮的；调情的；爱调戏的Participants then had to judge the smiles on how trustworthy， attractive， dominant， fakeand flirtatious they made the faces seem. 然后被试将判断他们看过的笑脸有多大程度的真实、有吸引力、张扬、虚伪和调情， opinionated，and quick to laugh. Boys were irresistibly drawn to her， and it seemed to me that she could get the adoring attention of anyone she wanted. At parties， she was the center of attention， the one laughing the loudest， flirting the hardest， and enrapturing everyone she met. In social situations I felt dumpy， clumsy， and dull next to her.

About four hundred years later，when through the modern miracle of the Internet I reconnected with people from high school， I was dumbfounded to learn that I hadn't been nearly as invisible as I'd thought. People noticed me， boys noticed me， even one of my secret crushes noticed me and admitted that he'd had a little crush on me，too. （Too bad neither of us said anything at the time， but that's high school.）

This realization forced me to recast my whole high school experience and， to an extent， my own self-image， in a different light. A softer one.

Here's the point： Sometimes we imagine that to get attention， we have to compete with extroverts' glitter and sparkle， and that can be discouraging. But it's also not correct. Remember how your mom used to tell you if that you just be yourself， the right person will come along？ For what is probablynot the first time， your mother was right.

The reality is that you are not competing with extroverts for attention. Extroverts and introverts are apples and oranges. Extroverts sparkle， introverts glow. Extroverts are fireworks， introverts are a fire in the hearth. Extroverts attract people who like razzledazzle，introverts attract people who want to bask in your warmth.

Remember that， if you're looking for a one and only.

I remember incidents in my youth when I tried to emulate my extroverted best friend. Most of the time they ended with me feeling foolish or getting the kind of attention I didn't like. I didn't have a boyfriend in high school in part because I didn't know what I had to offer. My high school friend knew exactly what drew people to her. They liked her flirtatiousness. They liked her bubbliness. They liked her audacious③audacious英 ［ɔː'deɪʃəs］ 美 ［ɔ'deʃəs］ adj. 无畏的；鲁莽的It is modest and audacious， all at once. 这是适度而大胆的行动，一锤定音。in-your-faceness. But at that time， I had no idea what people might like in me. I was smart but remember complaining，"Nobody ever says， 'Holy cow！ Look at the IQ on that girl！' "My friends found me funny， but I was more about the witty aside than regaling the masses. I was a good sounding board， but， like most introverts， I was selective④selective 英 ［sɪ'lektɪv］ 美 ［sɪ'lɛktɪv］ adj. 选择性的；讲究的Be selective about how you use your time and what you focus on. 有选择性地使用你的时间和专注你需要的事物。about close friends so most people didn't benefit from that.

I wish I'd been more like my friend Niza， currently a junior in high school. "People seem to be drawn to my personality and awkwardness，" she says. "Strangely，my introversion works for me，which is cool！"

Cool indeed.

Introverts⑤introvert英 ［'ɪntrəvɜːt］ 美 ［'ɪntrəvɝt］ vt. 使内向；使内倾；使内弯vi. 成为内弯；成为性格内向的人n. 内向的人；内翻的东西have many stellar qualities that we play close to the chest. But if you can't see them in yourself， you can't expect others to see them.

What are your finest qualities？

我高中时代最好的朋友长得漂亮，并且健谈、外向。她不仅有着令人艳羡的皮肤，美好的身材，及腰的棕色长发，而且还轻佻、固执、爱笑。男孩们对她完全没有抵御能力，在我看来，只要她愿意，她可以让任何人喜欢她。在派对上，她总是众人的焦点，她放声大笑、风情万种，令所有与她接触的人都兴高采烈。在社交场合中，与她相比我总是显得那么矮胖、笨拙。

大概四个世纪之后，当我通过现代奇迹——网络再次联络到高中同学时，我惊奇地发现我并不是像我想象的那样默默无闻。大家都知道我，男孩子们也知道我，即使我暗恋的男孩都知道我，他还承认他也有点喜欢我（真遗憾那时我们谁也没有对对方说出自己的心事，但那时我们还在上高中）。

这个事实让我不得不重新回顾我的整个高中生涯，在某种程度上，从另一个更加宽容的角度，审视我自己。

问题在于，在我们的想象中，如果想要得到别人的关注，我们就不得不和那些外向的人比谁更闪耀夺目，这种想法会让人变得沮丧。但其实这也不完全正确。记得你母亲曾经告诉你，如果做好你自己，那么对的人将会到来吗？你的母亲说的很对，当然这也许不是她第一次如此正确。

事实上，你并没有和那些外向的人争“关注度”。外向的人和内向的人就好像是苹果和橘子。外向的人璀璨，内向的人温暖。外向的人好像是烟花，内向的人好像是炉火。外向的人吸引的是那些骄傲炫耀的人，内向的人吸引的是那些想要在你的温暖中获得快乐的人。

记得这一点，如果你是在寻找你一生的伴侣。

我记得在那段青葱岁月里我试图模仿我那外向的闺蜜。最终，大多数时候，人们总会让我觉得自己很蠢或是我得到了自己并不喜欢的关注。高中时期我并没有交到男友，部分是因为我不知道我应该展示什么。我的高中闺蜜很清楚人们怎么会被她吸引。人们喜欢她卖弄风情，喜欢她的热情奔放。但在那个时候，我并不知道人们喜欢我什么。那个时候的我很聪明但是总在抱怨。没人会说：“天啊！看看那女孩的智商吧！”我的朋友们觉得我很风趣，但其实我只是风趣而并不喜欢取悦大众。我很容易就同他人形成共鸣，但是像大多数的内向的人一样，我的朋友圈子很小，所以大部分的人并不了解我。

我多希望自己能够更像我的朋友妮莎，现在正在高中里上高二，“人们似乎总被我的人格和尴尬表现所吸引，”她说，“实际上，我的内向性格太适合我了，太酷了。”

的确，很酷。

内向的人有许多优点，但总是藏得很深。但是如果你自己都无法发现这些优点，那么你更不能指望别人发现了。

你都有哪些优点呢？

Introvert You， No Need to Imitate Your Shining Bestie