承上启下和首尾呼应在文书写作中的应用

谷约

一篇质量上乘、行文流畅的留学文书既要有精准的用词、多变的句式，还要有句间及段落间的自然过渡和顺畅衔接，也就是所谓的承上启下（transitioning）。要做好这一点，常见的方法有：①添加小标题；②使用关联词或过渡词（如next、almost at the same time、finally、on the whole、for example、in addition、equally important、lastly）；③使用过渡句或过渡段。很多申请者在写文书时往往专注于一个个的事例，而忽视了若干事例之间的衔接，造成文章段落之间过渡不自然，甚至没有过渡，从一件事突然跳到另一件事。还有一些申请者想在文章中使用倒叙、插叙等写作技巧，但是没有处理好不同内容之间的衔接，写了几段突然闪回一下，造成文章在叙事方面显得杂乱无章。

和承上启下相似的另一个文体技巧是首尾呼应（echoing）。首尾呼应是指文章开头和结尾的内容遥相呼应，通常可以起到升华主题的效果。例如，申请者B在他的文书第一段提到自行车游：“At age 21， I finished college and was ready for the adventure of a lifetime—a bicycle trip from Beijing to Guangdong， a total of 2，400 kilometers （about 1，490 miles）， covering eight provinces along the east coast of China.”这是一个非常吸引人的开头，整篇文章也是围绕自行车游展开，但令人遗憾的是，结尾段采用的是公式化的写法，说自己的目标是学习管理以便回国之后在IT行业干一番大事业。虽然这种写法无可厚非，但比起生动的开头，结尾还是差了一点。我们建议申请者在结尾处再加两句，与开头呼应：“How about a bicycle tour across continental USA？ It is not entirely out of the question.”短短两句，自问自答，深化了申请者赴美求学的动机，使全文的主题更加鲜明，可谓首尾呼应的妙用。

案例分析

下面我们通过两个案例来谈谈在文书写作中如何运用承上启下和首尾呼应。

文书案例1

B同学高中毕业申请去美国读本科，他提供的中文原稿这样开头：“刻苦耐劳，这是我祖辈和父辈的传统，我受他们的熏陶和培养，在学习和运动上毫不马虎，成绩名列前茅。我有强烈的同情心和责任感，我是我们年级中唯一一个代表我们学校参加省级机器人比赛的选手。”看完这段话后，读者会一头雾水，不知道这篇文章要讲什么。申请者绞尽脑汁想在文书中展现自己的优点，想到什么就写什么，导致句子之间没有很好的过渡和衔接，尤其是最后两句“有强烈的同情心和责任感”和“参加省级机器人比赛”之间没有任何逻辑关系。这段文字传达的信息和申请者的愿望是背道而驰的，不但没有展现他的优点，反而暴露出他思维跳跃、逻辑混乱、文笔一般的缺点。我们对B同学的英文文书做了针对性的修改。以下是修改后的英文范文。

I was fortunate to have grown up in a nurturing environment， where my parents encouraged me to follow my own academic and non-academic preferences. They wanted me to learn and to explore because I was interested， not because it was prescribed by someone else. My mother often tells me that when I was little my frequent words were “let me do it.” I would spend long hours doing projects using my scissors and all types of other tools. I would offer to ignite （点燃） the gas stove when my parents cooked. It was later that I had to ignite and put out a fire of another kind.

评析：文章开头交代了“我”成长的环境和“我”父母的教育理念，建立起“我”喜欢自己动手的形象。本段最后一句应该会引起读者的强烈兴趣：作者又点燃和扑灭了什么火？这句话为下文做了很好的铺垫。

My passion for robots dates back to the summer vacation right after I graduated from elementary school. Mom supported me and allowed me to take classes on robot-making. In the beginning， I just needed to learn some basic steps involved in installing several components， by referring to the process chart， so that the robot could move forward and backward. The real challenge came later when I was assigned to conduct a robot simulation （模拟） in which the robot was to put out fire， a candle fire to be exact. The robot had to find the fire source in an enclosed space and use a fan， water or carbon dioxide to put it out. It took me a long time to fit into the limited space of the robot fire-extinguishing parts. External factors such as the low room temperature at the test time were not favorable for firefighting. But I kept on trying until the robot succeeded in identifying and putting out the fire. The first time I participated in a regional robot-fire-extinguishing contest， I only received an honorary mention， because my robot hit the wall several times due to its lack of slip-resistance on the overly smooth contest ground.

评析：这段主要是记述“我”参加地区机器人灭火竞赛的经历，也就是第一段里提到的“ignite and put out a fire of another kind”。

Very soon， I was in high school. My robot teacher called one day to tell me that I could skip the regional qualifying contest and directly enter the national-level competition that year. Although I had not played with robots for about one year， I decided to seize this good opportunity to showcase my abilities. In order to avoid the mistakes I had made previously， I changed my sensor （传感器） for a more sensitive one and modified the platform （操作平台） for fire-extinguishing to a faster speed. After updating all the hardware that I could think of， I learned that in national contests， all participating robots were required to follow specified programming codes. The former process-chart mode could not be applied any longer. This rule change came only less than one month before the contest. I forced myself to memorize the frequently-used codes and formats within a very short time period. Together with my partner， we successfully programmed our robot， named Huo Huo （meaning “Fire， Fire”） and got it working. Huo Huo performed well and helped us win our Number 2 ranking in the national contest. As a result， I also became qualified to enter （使报名参加竞赛） Huo Huo for the 2010 international contest held in Columbus， Ohio.

评析：这段主要叙述“我”参加全国机器人灭火竞赛的经历。最后一句再次起到承上启下的作用，明确告诉读者“我”还参加了国际竞赛。

There were obstacles leading up to the trip to the US for the contest. Because I had to miss two weeks of class， my school was reluctant to approve my leave of absence. I had to talk to my class teacher and my school principal and promise them I would not allow myself to fall behind in my studies. Finally， they yielded. Before the contest， all contestants from China gathered in Shanghai first. Unexpectedly， our teacher， the team leader for Beijing， failed to get his visa. I found myself having to shoulder responsibility for all five of the Beijing contestants. I was surprised that my fellow teammates thought I was more mature and therefore more suited for the leadership position anyway.

New problems emerged when I checked my robot in Shanghai. All the battery had been used up due to a loose power switch. I decided to buy a new battery from a robot company in Shanghai， and had to disassemble and reassemble the robot completely because the battery was tied to the motherboard. The new battery brought a much higher voltage （电压） to the robot， so that its speed was almost 1.5 times faster. During the trial test， my previous mistake showed up again： Fast speed led the robot to slip into the walls or turn the wrong way. I had no choice but to change the former programming， so that Huo Huo could successfully adjust to the higher speed. In spite of so many unforeseen difficulties， I competed in the contest and came third out of 80 plus high school contestants from around the world and was the highest of the students representing China.

评析：这两段主要叙述“我”参加国际级竞赛的经历，同时突出了“我”除了拥有丰富的专业知识之外，还有另外两个闪光点：领导能力和处理突发问题的能力。

During the whole process of the contest， I received support and encouragement from my friends， teachers， and my parents through emails and long distance calls. The day before my contest， my parents called and took turns to chat with me. They talked about things in a light-hearted manner， but avoided to mention the big event coming up the next day. I knew they wanted to divert my attention and put my nerves at ease. They were ever so skillful in the way they motivated and encouraged me to go all out and give my very best.

评析：本段进行了“闪回”，开头（During the whole process of the contest）明确提示读者“我”要采用倒叙的方法，回顾一下参赛时发生的事情。

I know wherever I am I can always count on my parents support. It is my turn and desire to make them proud.

评析：开头段写父母为“我”的成功创造条件，结尾段再提父母，不仅和开头段呼应，而且立意比开头段更深，是一个感人的结尾。

文书案例2

申请者D在国内学的是城市规划专业，希望去美国进一步深造，申请该专业的硕博连读。以下是他的个人陈述范文。

An ancient Chinese verse goes： “From the side， a whole range； from the end， a single peak；/Far， near， high， low—no parts alike./Why cant I tell the true shape of Lushan？/Because I myself am in the mountain.” （Lushan is the name of a scenic mountain in China， which has lent inspiration generation after generation to artists and poets.） So simple and yet so profound， the poem captures the real motivation behind my application for the graduate program in Urban Planning： to escape the tunnel vision from within Lushan and to gain some fresh and new perspectives on a whole range of issues that interest me as an aspiring urban planner—issues such as what other countries perspectives are on Chinas rapid urbanization and environmental deterioration， what lessons western nations have learned in their own developmental processes， to what extent western philosophies and approaches are applicable to China， to what extent the Chinese should preserve their own cultural， historical， socio-economic， and geopolitical sensitivities， and how nations can develop in ways that make sense both environmentally and humanistically. I know I have my own bias and my own opinions， but I am acutely aware that a true intellectual， no matter what the subject matter， is one who， instead of rejecting differing points of view， readily embraces them as valid and enriching.

评析：开篇引入唐诗《题西林壁》起到两个作用：①提示读者“我”想表达的主题和全文内容都会围绕“庐山”展开；②我想出国深造的动机是走出“庐山”，突破隧道视觉、井蛙之见，获得全新的有关城市规划的知识、理论、见解和实践经验。这段开头具有浓郁的中国风，在普遍公式化的留学文书中非常抢眼。

A recent American sports commentary is a case in point （例证）. It spoke highly of the athletic skills of the Chinese basketball team playing at the Olympics. In fact it went so far as to put the Chinese on an equal par with the American NBA players. However， said the commentary， the reason why the Chinese could not put up a decent fight with the Europeans or North American teams was not due to the lack of assiduous （刻苦的） training， but was due to the fact that they had too much of it. Rigid and monotonous training seven days a week and eight hours a day had taken its toll （造成伤害）. The team was physically and mentally punished to the point of a collective breakdown. It took someone outside of “Lushan” to see what had caused the lack-luster performance—the Chinese team had simply not rested enough to play！

评析：这一段通过美国体育专栏对中国篮球队的看法说明要看清“庐山真面目”完全有必要听取、吸收和借鉴局外人的看法和经验。

Speaking of assiduous training， I have had my share. While at the Department of City and Resources of Sun Yat-sen University in Guangzhou， a top university in South China， I read history and anthropology （人类学）， crisscrossed （往返奔波于） China including the westernmost interior during my numerous field trips， improved my skills in drawing and planning， and under the guidance of my professor， completed a design project for the city of Qingyuan of Guangzhou Province. I also read architectural and urban planning journals and research papers from English-speaking countries to keep myself abreast with up-to-date information.

In July of 2005， shortly after I graduated from college， I was offered an assistant planners position in the neighboring city of Shenzhen with an environmental protection company. Shenzhen， being the most progressive and the fastest growing metropolis in China， has been experiencing tremendous challenges on the city planning front. In the short time I have been with the company， I have already had hands-on （亲身实践的） opportunities to work with internal and external customers in the designing and development phases of one of the citys upscale residential districts. My specific contribution has been to address sewage treatment， underground installation and hazardous material disposal. Even as my confidence level is on the rise， I am conscious of the fact that further training and professional qualifications are called for if I ever want to speak on important planning issues like an authority.

评析：第三段首句中的speaking of是典型的过渡语。既承接上文提到的中国篮球队的刻苦训练，又开启下文，叙述“我”在城市规划方面所受到的训练，即课堂上的学习和毕业后的工作经验，从而说明“我”有一定的基础和实力攻读此专业，同时“我”也意识到自己的本领和资历有限，需要进一步深造。

I was born in Dingnan， a small city of Jiangxi Province， not too far away from Lushan. Since then my family has relocated several times to half a dozen cities because of my fathers job assignments. The towns and cities that we have called home are rather small， inconspicuous （不显眼的） and certainly not as prosperous as the larger cities. However， as a child， I enjoyed being in those cities because they all seemed to have the type of natural， unspoiled qualities that stood in sharp contrast to the likes of Guangzhou， Wuhan， Beijing and Nanchang， cities I have stayed for an extended period of time where pollution， automobile exhaust fumes， noise， and badly conceived notions of city planning are figuring predominantly in the landscape， replacing the beauty and character these ancient cities have always been known for. It worries me to see that people in these cities are hustling and bustling in their relentless pursuit of material wealth， while not being terribly bothered by the onslaught （袭击） of the forces that are eating away at the quality of life. It is perhaps because they too are living in “Lushan” that their view of the larger picture is being blocked.

评析：再次回到“庐山”这一主题，谈到“我”的出生地和少年时代生活过的小城镇与长大后去的大城市有许多不同，其中最大的差别就是糟糕的城市规划使大城市失去了自然风貌和本真。生活在这些大城市中的人犹如生活在庐山里，全然不知高质量的生活应是什么样的。

It is a sense of urgency and a mission that prompts me to go back to school， where I hope I can acquire and sharpen the tools necessary to “finish the job.” It all begins with getting out of “Lushan.”

评析：二战早期，丘吉尔为争取美国的军事援助，在一次演讲中说道：“Give us the tools， and we will finish the job.”文章结尾引用了这句话后半部分的内容，并在最后再次提到“庐山”，与开头遥相呼应，表达出“我”要走出“庐山”的迫切愿望，深化了赴美留学的动机。