To Love Is to Suffer

By Katharine Wang

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore,to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. —Woody Allen1. Woody Allen: 伍迪·艾伦，著名美国电影导演、编剧、演员、音乐家与剧作家。

Fingers sticky with buffalo hot sauce from my fried chicken wings,I looked desperately for a napkin.2. sticky: 黏的，黏腻的；buffalo hot sauce: 水牛辣酱，美国流行的一种辣酱，吃烤翅时的常选配料；napkin: 餐巾纸。I was in mid-conversation with a pretty successful angel investor3. angel investor: 天使投资人，指对一家或多家新兴企业投资的个人。at a nearby bar, and probably shouldn’t have ordered this hot mess. Buffalo chicken wings are my weakness.4. 我没办法抵抗水牛烤翅的诱惑。

As if listening to folktales by the fire, I crossed my legs and tried to comprehend5. comprehend: 理解，领悟。this mini-lecture by my multi-millionaire friend... who couldn’t be more than 30 years old. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t even sure what he was soaping about on his soapbox.6. soap: 不停地说无聊的话；soapbox:临时演说台，街头演说处。

“And, it’s all going to be human 2.0... start-ups that will succeed are ones that cater to the most basic human needs.”7. start-ups: 新成立的企业；cater to:迎合，满足。

“You can just call out what you want, throw the materials out on a table, and they form into what you desire. It’s revolutionary A.I8. A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, 人工智能。. Just check out the online videos of MIT9. MIT: 即Massachusetts Institute of Technology，麻省理工学院。experiments.”

“It’s not leaning in or leaning back; it’s about leaning to the side.”This one really threw me off10. throw off: 使困窘，使慌乱。. I had no idea what he meant.

爱情是什么？是花前月下的你侬我侬，是炽热深爱的刻骨铭心，还是平淡相守的甜蜜幸福？在信息高度发达的今天，手指在键盘上轻敲几下一切就唾手可得，唯有爱情似乎成了遥不可及的奢侈品。作者从一次和好友的小酌着笔，用轻松诙谐的笔法探讨了信息化时代人们对爱情的渴望与无奈。

With six G&T’s in, he didn’t notice my eyes rolling.11. 六杯鸡尾酒喝下去，他没注意到我对他的话疑惑不解。G&T’s: gin and tonics,一种在英美很流行的鸡尾酒。With this guy, you kind of have to pick the bits that matter most to you.12. 听这位哥们儿说话得学会抓住重点。It’s typically a fifty- fifty thing, but the beer does help.

Around halftime, since this was a sport’s bar and naturally there was a football game on the big screen, we maneuvered13. maneuver: 巧妙地操纵，控制。onto the topic of relationships.

You see—my friend here is a pretty typical San Franciscosingle-male-entrepreneur-thick rimmed glasses-skinny jeansliberal.14. 眼前这位哥们儿是个典型的旧金山钻石王老五：他戴着厚厚的眼镜，穿着修身牛仔裤，一副不修边幅的样子。It’s an understatement15. understatement: 保守的陈述，轻描淡写。to say that he’s had some trouble in finding the right “one” or, more correctly, committing to “a” one.

Now, here is where it gets interesting. He starts talking about how lifetime relationships with one person is against our biological makeup16. biological makeup: 生理结构。. This is what some people call: ”the caveman software“. We’re all running it. We hunt, we forage17. forage: 搜寻。, we sow seeds? That’s why, he explains, he can’t commit to one woman—it’s against nature itself.

I was prepared to smack18. smack: 拍打，掴。him on the head. My hand had almost taken on a life of it’s own—lifting just ever-so-slightly.19. 我的手似乎不受我控制，不由自主地抬起，只是幅度很微小。I tried suavely to make it seem I was just smoothing my hair.20. suavely: 温和地，柔和地；smooth: （用手）把……弄平，使平整。I figured he noticed—his eyes shown with a split second of fear.

He quickly caveated21. caveat: 警告，告诫。his statement with the following:

But, I don’t want to continue life with a line of meaningless relationships —going on from one to another like playing hopscotch.22. 但我也不想一辈子这样放纵不羁，走马灯似的换女朋友。hopscotch: 跳房子。It’s tiring. And, I’m eventually going to be old.

Okay, It’s not a redeeming23redeeming: 补偿的，补救的。statement, but it is progress.

Finding a meaningful, lifetime relationship is hard, much harder than playing hopscotch. For those in the Valley, finding even a candidate of love is more difficult than getting a company to IPO.24. Valley: 此处特指Silicon Valley, 位于美国加州北部旧金山湾以南的硅谷；IPO: 即Initial Public Offering, 首次公开募股。I can’t even begin to tell you the numerous cases of failure—of online dating disasters that my friends have personally witnessed or the thousands of dollars spent on matchmaking services that led to no end.There are even hotspot locations that are hotbeds25. hotbed: 滋生地，温床。for lonely, but wealthy women looking for equally as lonely, but wealthy investors.

One such location is just a few miles away from Stanford. I went there recently with a few girlfriends to understand what the fuss26. fuss: 大惊小怪，小题大做。was all about.Thursday night is apparently “cougar” night27. cougar night: 熟女之夜，即大龄单身女性的相亲聚会。. And,oh my eyes, it was a sad yet impressive sight—lots of makeup, pink drinks, and shiny out fits.

Difficulty in finding and maintaining love is not new. What is new is this weird inability to even make the first real connection. Why?

Maybe it’s because we’re starting to experience the human 2.0 crisis28. human 2.0 crisis: 2.0版人类危机，指人类面临的新危机。.As technology changes our day-to-day routine, it’s also altering dial-up.29. routine: 日常工作，常规；alter: 改变，变更；dial-up: 拨号（上网），此处指爱情中彼此的接触与融合。And, to make it even harder, add in my friend’s awful but popular theory and all of my girlfriends’ unreachable expectation of true romance… you get a sisyphean30. sisyphean: 永远做不完的，徒劳的。ask.

I love technology. Don’t get me wrong. I’m No.1 offender on not powering down31. power down: 关机，中断电源。. But, when I look around me, I’m reminded that it’s okay to suffer. There is no quick fix, no algorithm, no short-cut key.32. quick fix: 速战速决之计；algorithm: 算法，运算法则；short-cut key: 快捷键。We have to endure the dial-up tone to find real happiness.

To find my example, I just turn to my parents. 30 years ago, a few major events coincided33. coincide: 一致，同时发生。to create the perfect storm.

1. The true “Internet” was born.

2. Return of the Jedi opened in theaters. (Little nerds rejoiced everywhere.)34. Retrun of the Jedi:《星球大战》系列电影第六部《绝地大反击》；nerd: 书呆子，讨厌的人。

3. My parents got married.

In reply to my joyful “happy 30th anniversary” email, my dad wrote:We visited the place today where we got married 30 years ago and from there we are kicking off35. kick off: 开始做某事。our next 30 years. (He then proceeded to ask me for my pupillary distance36. pupillary distance: 瞳距。. That’s my dad for you.)

If I’m lucky, my lifetime of love will be at least half as strong and memorable as my parents’.

Hi readers! Call me Kat.

I’m a writer and reader enthusiast; a native Harbin-er; a current tech geek in the Silicon Valley; an unapologetic food-lover and sojourner. Above all, I’m a romantic. If you’ve read my other stories—Been There, Done That or my previous ELL column—I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.

My goal in writing, especially writing for you, is to bring a bit of happiness. As Roger Ebert spelled out: “We must try to contribute joy to the world. That is true no matter what our problems, our health,our circumstances. We must try.”

So, keep calm, and read on!