2013年广东高考基础写作优秀考场作文赏析

杨华新

2013年广东高考早已落下帷幕，笔者参加了基础写作的评卷工作，欣喜地发现部分考生的作文堪称佳作，现辑录几篇，同大家一起来欣赏。

基础写作（共1小题；满分15分）

你接受了一项写作任务，要为英语校报写一篇时事快讯。

[写作内容]

请根据以下信息，写一篇关于移民火星的快讯。

志愿者的选拔

到2015年，在全球选出约30名去火星的志愿者。

志愿者的条件

至少18岁；

做好不回地球的准备；

愿与他人保持良好关系。

专家观点

火星生活条件太艰苦；

面临严寒气候、孤独和恐惧。

志愿者观点

厌倦地球生活，想体验火星生活；

如果成功，就是人类英雄。

*火星：the Mars

[写作要求]

只能用5个句子表达全部内容。

[评分标准]

句子结构准确，信息内容完整，篇章结构连贯。

范文1：

By 2015，there are around thirty people from all over the world to be chosen to go to the Mars. To meet the requirements， the volunteers should be 18 years old at least， ready to get along well with others and never return to the earth. When it comes to the views of some experts， they think that the life on the Mars is very tough because the volunteers have to face the severely cold weather， loneliness and fear. However， getting tired of living on the earth， the volunteers have been looking forward to experiencing the life on the Mars. If they fortunately succeed in surviving on the Mars， they will undoubtedly be regarded as the heroes of human beings.

亮点点评：本文的句型较灵活，第一句话用了there be结构；第二句，动词不定式充当目的状语，第四句用了V-ing充当原因状语，以及have been looking现在完成进行时，让阅卷老师眼前一亮。文章所用词汇也很生动，如tough， fortunately和undoubtedly等；全文过渡衔接得很好，凸显了考生扎实的语言功底。

范文2：

Approximately thirty volunteers will be selected around the world to move to the Mars by 2015. But the conditions for the possible volunteers are that they must be over 18 years old and willing to stay on the Mars for the rest of their lives and live in harmony with other people. From where some experts stand，they hold the view that the living surroundings are challenging，so the volunteers need to face up to the terribly freezing cold climate， loneliness and terror. On the other hand， the volunteers are fed up with their present lifestyles and long to have a taste of the life on the Mars. More importantly， theyll become the heroes of mankind if they make it.

亮点点评：本文的一大特点就是能用上高级词组来提高文章的档次，如move to， hold the view， face up to， long to do， have a taste of， make it等，展示了作者丰富的词汇量和灵活运用语言的能力。此外，该考生还使用了表语从句和同位语从句；全文衔接自然，一气呵成。

范文3：

By 2015，about thirty people will have been elected throughout the world to go to the Mars. To migrate to the Mars from the earth， the volunteers are supposed to meet the conditions that they are more than 18 years old and willing to be on friendly terms with the people around them， making up their minds never to come back to the earth. What some experts concern most is that the life on the Mars is so dreadful for the reason that the volunteers will have to tackle the unbearably cold weather and conquer the sense of loneliness and fear. As for the volunteers， they have got tired of the dull life on the earth and are dying for a change in the new life on the Mars despite the possible hardships and obstacles. What excites them most is that once they are successful， theyll be honored as the heroes of human beings.

亮点点评：本文有诸多值得称道的地方。首先，首句用了将来完成时的被动语态，立即就吸引了阅卷老师的眼球。其次，能用上较多的高级词汇，如：be on friendly terms with， tackle， unbearably， conquer， be dying for， obstacles等，表明该考生平时勤于背诵和积累。另一个特点是能灵活运用复合句，如：第二句用了同位语从句，第三句和第五句都用了主语从句和表语从句等。

范文4：

30 volunteers will be picked out worldwide as migrants to the Mars by 2015. The volunteers， who should be aged 18 or above， are expected to realize that not only should they make good preparations for not getting back to the earth again， but they should keep good relationship with others. From some specialistsperspective，with a tough living environment on the Mars， these volunteers are bound to be confronted with cold climate， loneliness and fear. Nevertheless， tired of the life on the earth，the volunteers have a burning desire to explore and experience a totally different lifestyle on the Mars. If their attempts turn out successful accidentally， theyll be viewed as the heroes of human beings.

亮点点评：该考生用了较高级的词汇，如pick out， be bound to do， be confronted with，have a burning desire to do sth.， turn out， view...as...等；with的复合结构和tired of...分词短语充当原因状语，也是文章的一个亮点；此外，not only...but also...引起的倒装句，也体现了考生较高的语言驾驭能力。

（作者单位：江门开平市第一中学）

责任编校 蒋小青