在愤怒控制你之前控制愤怒

2009-09-24

双语时代 2009年8期

We all know what anger is, and we've all felt it, whether as fleeting annoyance or as full-fledged rage.

我们都知道什么是愤怒,我们都能感觉到它,不论是短暂恼怒或者是全面爆发的狂怒。

Anger is a completely normal, and usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems: problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you're at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.

愤怒是绝对正常的、健康的人类情感。但是,当它失去控制就极具破坏性,可能导致很多问题:工作问题、人际关系问题,进而影响整个生活质量。它让你觉得在不可以预测的强大情感面前无能为力。

What is Anger? 愤怒是什么?

Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, and so does the level of your energy hormones, adrenalin and noradrenalin.

愤怒是一种情绪状态,据强度不同,分为轻微的恼怒、强烈的愤怒和盛怒。和其他情感一样,它伴随着生理变化:当你生气时,心率和血压上升,能量激素、肾上腺素和去甲肾上腺素也随着上升。

Anger can be caused by external or internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a coworker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.

内外因都能引起愤怒。你可能会对特定的人(如同事或上司)或事件(交通堵塞,航班取消)感到愤怒,也可能是由于担心或考虑个人问题而愤怒。创痛的记忆,或使人愤怒的事件也会引发愤怒情绪。

Expressing Anger表达愤怒

The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors that allow us to fight and defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary to our survival.

表达愤怒的本能、自然的方式是反击。愤怒是对威胁的一种自然、适应性反应,它激发了强大的、往往是挑衅的情感和行为,使我们在能够对抗威胁并保护自己。因此,一定量的愤怒,对我们的生存是必不可少的。

On the other hand, we can't physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. Laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far we should let our anger take us. People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming.

另一方面,我们不能对每个让我们愤怒的人或事件都予以反击。法律、社会规范和常识都会限制愤怒的程度。人们使用各种各样有意或无意的意识来应对愤怒的情绪,三个主要的办法就是发泄、抑制和平息。

Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive - not aggressive - manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

用自信果敢的举动——而不是挑衅的举动来表达愤怒——是最健康的。要做到这一点,你必须学会如何明确自己的需求,以及如何在不伤害他人的情况下满足这些需求。自信果敢并不意味着出风头或苛求,它意味着尊重自己和他人。

Another approach is to suppress anger and then convert or redirect it. This happens when you hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive to do instead. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if your anger isn't allowed outward expression, it can turn inward - on yourself. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression.

另一种压制愤怒的办法是,让它转化或转变方向。当你忍住怒气、停止思考、集中精力在一些正面的事情上就可以达到这样的效果。这样做的目的是抑制或制止愤怒,并把它转换成更积极的行为。这种反应类型的危险是,如果你的愤怒没有对外发泄,它就转向了内部的自己。而愤怒对内转向可能导致高血压,或抑郁症。

Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on), or a perpetually cynical and hostile attitude. People who are constantly putting others down, criticizing everything, and making cynical comments haven't learned how to express their anger constructively. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

未发泄出来的愤怒会引起其他问题。导致病态的形式表达愤怒,如消极的挑衅行为(不正面反抗,间接报复别人,并且不告诉别人原因),或永远(对人或事)持愤世嫉俗和敌视的态度。那些经常奚落别人,批评一切,发表愤世嫉俗言论的人还没有学会如何积极表达自己的愤怒。难怪他们没有良好的人际关系。

Finally, you can calm yourself down inside. This means not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside.

最后,你可以让自己内心平静下来。这不仅仅意味着你控制了外在行为,而且还控制了内部反应。采取措施来降低心率,让自己平静下来,让愤怒平息。

Anger Management愤怒管理

The goal of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of or avoid the things or people that enrage you, nor can you change them; but you can learn to control your reactions.

愤怒管理的目标是减少由愤怒引起的情绪波动和生理反应。你无法摆脱或避免激怒你的事情和人,也无法改变他们,但可以学习控制自己的反应。

Are You Too Angry? 你过于愤怒?

There are psychological tests that measure the intensity of angry feelings, how prone to anger you are, and how well you handle it. But chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you find yourself acting in ways that seem out of control and frightening, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.

愤怒情绪的强度、愤怒的倾向性、以及你对愤怒处理得好不好都可以用心理测试来衡量。当你控制愤怒出现问题时,自己很有可能已经清楚这一点。如果你发现自己处理愤怒的方式似乎失去了控制,变得可怕,你可能需要帮助,寻找更好的方式来应对这种情绪。

Why Are Some People More Angry Than Others? 为什么有些人比别人更愤怒?

Some people are really more 'hotheaded' than others; they get angry more easily and more intensely than the average person. There are also those who don't show their anger in loud spectacular ways but are chronically irritable and grumpy. Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill.

有些人确实比别人更“性急”;他们比一般人更容易动怒,程度更强烈。还有一些人则不会大声表现出愤怒,却长期易怒且脾气暴躁的人。容易愤怒的人并不总是骂骂咧咧、扔东西,他们会回避社交、生闷气或生病。

People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration, meaning simply that they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. They can't take things in stride, and they're particularly infuriated if the situation seems somehow unjust: for example, when they are corrected for a minor mistake.

大体上来说,容易愤怒的人都有心理学家称为“挫折耐受力低”的问题,简单来说他们认为自己不应该遇到挫折、麻烦或烦忧。他们不能从容处理事情。当局势有点不公平时,他们就特别气愤。例如,当他们被迫纠正一个小错误时,(他们就会有这种反应)。

What makes these people this way? A number of things. One cause may be genetic or physiological; there is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be how we're taught to deal with anger. Anger is often regarded as negative; many of us are taught that it's all right to express anxiety, depression, or other emotions, but not to express anger. As a result, we don't learn how to handle it or channel it constructively.

是什么导致人们这样的?原因很多。其中一个可能是遗传或生理原因;有事实表明,一些儿童天生就暴躁、敏感、易怒,这些迹象在孩子幼小时就显现出来了。另一个原因可能是我们被教导的处理愤怒的方式。愤怒往往被视为消极的情感。人们教育我们说,我们有权表达焦虑、抑郁、或其他情绪,但不能愤怒。因此,我们并不了解如何积极地处理或引导它。

Research has also found that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communication.

研究还发现,家庭背景在个人处理愤怒的问题上骑着某种作用。易怒的人通常来自不和睦的、混乱的且不善于情感交流的家庭。

Is It Good to 'Let It All Hang Out'? “让所有愤怒发泄出来”好吗?

Psychologists now say that this is a dangerous myth. Some people use this theory as a license to hurt others. Research has found that 'letting it rip' with anger actually escalates anger and aggression and does nothing to help you (or the person you're angry with) resolve the situation.

目前,心理学家认为这是个危险的神话。有些人用这种理论作为伤害别人的通行证。研究发现,让愤怒“顺其自然”实际上会加剧愤怒和挑衅,并且对你(或你生气的对象)解决事态一点帮助都没有。

It's best to find out what it is that triggers your anger, and then develop strategies to keep those triggers from toppling you over the edge.

最好的方法是找出是什么触发你的愤怒,然后制订战略,防止这些导火索把你推向愤怒的边缘。

Do You Need Counseling? 你需要咨询吗?

If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed mental health professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your thinking and your behaviors.

如果你觉得自己对愤怒真的是失去了控制,如果它对你的人际关系和生活有很大影响的话,你可以考虑咨询,以了解如何更好地应对它。一名心理学家或其他有从业资格的心理健康专家可以与你一起寻找一系列技巧来改变你的想法和行为。

When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her or him that you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his or her approach to anger management. Make sure this isn't only a course of action designed to help you 'get in touch with your feelings and express them' .That may be precisely your problem.

当你和潜在治疗师交谈时,告诉他或她自己在控制愤怒方面哪些问题需要解决,并向他或她询问调整情绪的办法。确保这样的行为不仅旨在帮助你“了解并发泄自己的感情”,这可能恰好是你的问题所在。

With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the circumstances and the counseling techniques used.

心理学家说,暴怒者通过咨询,在8到10周的治疗之后,可以把愤怒降低到中等程度,当然,这视情况和咨询技术而定。

Thanks to Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., of the University of South Florida in Tampa; and to Jerry Deffenbacher, Ph.D., of Colorado State University in Ft. Collins, Colorado, a psychologist who specializes in anger management.

感谢南福罗里达州大学的哲学博士查尔斯•斯皮尔伯格;感谢擅长愤怒管理的科罗拉多州立大学的哲学博士杰瑞•蒂菲尼拜切。

Notes:

1.feel as though

意思是“好像,似乎”。

例句:My head feels as though it will split.

我的头疼得仿佛要裂开似的。

2.getting back at

意思是“报复”。

He was really annoyed, so he wants to get back at the officer.

他极其愤怒,想报复那个长官。

3. chances are good

指某事有很大几率发生,即很有可能发生。