花月留痕

这一天是在爱尔兰酒吧。窗外是冷雨和落叶，室内的光线昏暗异常。我和一位穿GUCCI羊皮短裙、吸Roseman香烟的女子坐在假壁炉前的旧沙发里，谈她的“短暂的初恋”。她现在的丈夫是一名来自荷兰的生意人。年纪当然比她大很多，当然有不止一个孩子，当然有足以让她一生不用劳动只管享乐的钱，当然给了她一个很优越的物质环境，当然不论走到哪里都把她带在左右，当然要求她讲英语，也当然常常让她感到差异的存在和内心的落寞。

于是，她终于来对我说她的故事了。那是一个十七年前和她同桌的男孩子，有着清澈的目光和挺拔的身材、良好的学习成绩和前途无量的口碑。那时候她暗恋他，常常在课间休息的时候悄悄伫立在木头格子的窗户边上，看着他矫健的身影活跃在篮球场上。她知道关于他的一切，但是她觉得他不知道关于她的一切。那时候的她“没有现在这么放纵”。一直到毕业他们考上不同的大学各奔东西，又到四年之后大学毕业，他们从不联系。但她仍然熟知他的一切，比如交了几个女朋友，又都散了；考了研究生，成绩优秀，却又最终放弃了；随着他做中医的父母移民到英国，有了自家的诊所。

本来，她的初恋只是一只青涩的果实，只是一段没有第二个主角的回忆，只是一场无疾而终的小浪漫。

然而一个契机竟然让他们在雾都的街头重逢，他刚刚离婚，她被去看望前妻的丈夫留在酒店。本来，他们只想在街角的小咖啡店随便喝点什么庆祝异乡遇旧友，结果，她讲述了持续多年的眷恋，他的一句“我什么都知道，但知道又如何”将她一辈子的眼泪惹出来，一发不可收拾。

接下来，他们去了一家酒店，开了一间钟点房，作了“一直想做却总以为今生也不可能有机会做的事情”。然后，他们分手，各道珍重，不说“再见”。

说到这里，一度表情冷峻、充满嘲讽的女人竟然泪流满面。她说：“我总觉得人生是永不重复的季节变换，不仅仅有春夏秋冬。每一个季节和每一天都有不同，所以要花月留痕。”

那一天她的话常常在我心头回荡，就像当时我们谈话间一直听着的老歌。那是一首被很多人翻唱到滥的英文歌——《你可曾记得》

人就这样的，因为总是忍不住要问：你可曾记得？因为不能确定你真的可曾记得，所以总也忍不住要花月留痕。

Making Marks of the Past Years

That day a woman in a GUCCI leather skirt and I sat in an old sofa in front of the decorative fireplace in the dimly light Irish Bar.Outside the window leaves were falling in the chily rain.She lit a Roseman and started telling me about her“short-lived first love.” She married a divorced Dutch businessman，who certainly had a couple of children，was much older，and rich enough to satiisfy her material needs——she did not need to work and she could live in ease and comfort in the rest part of her life. She certainly had to speak English in any place he took her to. She certainly was aware of their difference and often felt lost and lonely.

Consequently she told me the story about herself at last seventeen years ago，her desk-mate was a boy with limpid eyes. He was tall，made good grade and everyone said he had a boundless future. Secretly she fell in love with him. She would quietly stood beside the lattice window during a break，watching him vigorously playing on the basketball court.She knew everything about him but she thought he knew nothing about her. In those days she was“not as self-indulgent as she is.”They went to different cities to study in different universities after they graduated from high school. Even though they did not keep contact with each other，she knew that in the next few years he broke with each of his girlfriends，refused to go to a graduate school even though he had passed the examination with excellent marks，immigrated to England with his parents who were doctors of traditional Chinese medicine，and owned a clinic there.

Her first love would have been a sour green fruit，a memory short of a male protagonist or a romance that ended in peace if nothing had happened.

However accidentally they met with each other in the street of London. He had had a divorce. Her husband had gone to see his ex-wife，leaving her alone in the hotel. At first they just wanted to have some drinks in the cafe in the street corner to celebrate their reunion in a foreign country. In the end she told him that she had been in love with hime for many years.He said，“I know everything. What can I do even though I know your heart？”Heraing his word，she could not refrain from bursting into tears.

They entered a hotel，rent a room by the hour，did“the thing they had wanted to but thought they had no chance to do”and then parted each other，saying“take good care”instead of“good-bye”.

She had looked cynical and stone-faced a moment before but when she finished her story，tears were running down her face. She said，“I believe life is not a cycle of the four seasons. It is a process in which seasons change but never repeat. Each season is unique，so is each day. Therefore we should make marks of the past years.”

Like the old song we heard while we were talking，her words lingered on in my mind that day. It was an English song named“Do You Remember”. So many singers had sung it so many times.

We do things in the same way. Because we often need to ask ourselves“Do you remember？”and because we are uncertain if we really remember，we can＇t help making marks of the past years.■