理 由

谢冰清

二十几岁了，不能不找男朋友。所以家里人为我安排了一场相亲，我也曾经恼过不想去，但不去又不行，仿佛到了这个岁数，要是没有男朋友，便很难堪的样子。

我早已错过了风花雪月的日子，接下来的相亲，便已是真刀真枪的了，一眼相中，便是沟通，沟通之后，便好似可以商量着办婚事了。一大早，就打点好一切了，妈妈忙里忙外地转着，好像这就是皇帝不急急死太监。我悠闲地照常上网，然后让朋友嘲笑我老土。中午过去，已经有一家人在等着了，那男的年纪也和我差不多大，一脸斯斯文文的样子，竟然比我还瘦。

他打量我，我打量他，有一搭没一搭地说几句话，更多时候把心思放在餐厅的布置上，男生温文尔雅的样子，我却觉得无聊。这人生风花雪月几年，何必又一定要把时间牢牢地锁定在男女关系上。不言说，我把爱情看得很淡，虽然我也曾憧憬过。

饭吃毕了，他的母亲悄悄拉我到旁边，问我对他的感觉。我说很好啊，那男的凑过一张脸，微笑着说：可有发展的空间。愣了呆了，突然觉得很好玩。

第二天，他便打电话来邀我出游了。彼此都还算是陌生人，见过一面，却想要更多亲密的空间，这种感觉，真是别扭的吓人。但老实说，我并不讨厌有个男孩子在我身边，尽管以前一直嚷嚷着非有爱不可，而现在却发现，寂寞的时候有一个人，难过会被分担一点。

就这样开始平淡的交往，彼此都有工作，相见的机会不多，可还是很仔细地逛街，吃饭、抽空陪我。一天中午，突然收到一个快递，好奇的签了名，打开来一看，是一个水晶玫瑰和一盒巧克力。想起那天出游时略微提起明天是我的生日，没想到此刻他便送上门来了。

正在感动之余，又突然接到他的电话，问我有没有收到他的礼物，咯咯大笑，我说嫌他的玫瑰太俗。他认真地说，明天送你真的。第二天早上，一束鲜花，便摆在了我家门口。

看得出来，他是很用心很有深度的一个人，看上去也很有耐性，不像我，毛毛躁躁的。

看得出来，他好似也有用心去经营这段感情，不像我，似乎漫不经心。

我认真的清楚，我对他的好感并不是爱情，可我也认真的明白，所谓的爱情也是可以慢慢培养出来的。如果彼此小心看护，是不是能够种出最绚丽的花来呢？

有一天，我们去逛街。他就走在我身边，街上人很多，车也很多。我们没有说话，因为发现彼此都找不到什么话说吧。突然间，车辆缓缓地停下来，有很大的一个空间可以穿过去。我突然发现身边的人不见了，而他却站在对面呼唤着我。

已经开始凝聚的小小感情突然熄灭了火焰。这个时候，是谁甩开了我的手，孤零零的两端，像我和他的距离，中间隔着的是人山人海，和无法超越的现实。

他送我回家，站在门口，他仿佛也感觉了什么，有些苦恼地说，难道真的不能够吗？

有些事情，并不是能够就能够吧。就像２０几岁必须相亲，却并不是所有的相亲都能够有结果的，所谓不爱的理由也许就是这样吧。

The Reason

It seems natural that I,a woman over twenty years old,must have a boyfriend,and if I don＇t,I must feel awkward. Accordingly one day my parents arranged an in-terview prior to marriage for me. I felt irritated and did not want to go at first but finally they talked me into meeting the prospective mate in a restaurant.

I had already passed the age for romantic love. The approaching interview was a substantial step toward mar-riage. If he and I liked each other at the first sight and got along well later on,wedding preparation would be placed on our agenda. Early in the morning that day,Mother walked in and out of the room to get everything ready. Obviously she was in anxiety but I wasn＇t at all. As usual I chatted leisurely with my friend on the Internet and was laughed at for my rusticity. After twelve o＇clock when I came to the restaurant,his family members were awaiting me. He was the same age as myself,genteel-looking and I had not expected he was even thinner than I.

We sized up each other and exchanged a few words absent-mindedly. Tired of his refined manner,I paid more attention to the ornament in the restaurant. Life was short,much shorter was romantic love. Why should we waste time in fixing ourselves tightly to the man-woman relationship?Needless to say,I treated a love affair with indifference although I had longed for it years before.

After dinner,his mother led me aside and asked what I thought of her son. I said he was nice. He leaned forward and said with a smile,“Is there any chance for cultivating a closer relatonship?”Surprised and dumb-founded,I suddenly felt it amusing.

The next day he called to invite me to go on an excursion. I was deeply troubled by the idea that a stranger who had met me just once demanded a chance for closer relationship. To be quite honest about it I felt it pretty good to be accompanied by a young man who could share my sorrow when I felt lonely although I had loudly chaimed nothing but love that could bind me and a man together.

So we started going out together though our date was rather prosaic. As each of us had a job,we rarely had a chance to meet each other. However,he still found time to stroll around the streets or dine out with me. At noon one day,to my surprise,I received an express deliv-ery. I signed for and opened it with curiosity. In it were a crystal rose and a quality assortment of fine chocolates. I remembered my casual mentioning it was my birthday the next day when we went on the excursion. And now he really sent me the birthday presents.

When I still felt excited,he called,asking if I had received the gifts. I giggled and told him the crystal rose was in poor taste. He eagerly said he would send me fresh flowers. A bunch of fresh flowers was really placed beside the door of my apartment next morning.

I could perceive he was a deep man,patient and thoughtful while I,unlike him,was rash and careless.

I could also perceive he did this intelligently in or-der to cultivate love between us while I,unlike him,dealt with it absent-mindedly.

I was seriously aware that I liked but did not love him. I was seriously aware that love could be cultivated gradually. Could we grow the most beautiful flower of love if both of us cared it?

One day we strolled around the streets. He was walking beside me. There were many people and cars were coming in an endless stream. We remained silent because we were unable to find anything to talk about. Sud-denly the cars stopped,and before us appeared a large room through which people could pass. Suddenly I found he no longer stood beside me when he called on the other side of the street.

The flame of our delicately cultivated love suddenly went out. At that moment he left me alone so that each of us stood lonely on one side of the street,and between us were a sea of people and the insurmountable reality.

He walked me home. Standing at the door,he looked sad as if he had been aware of something. He asked if it was really impossible for us to love each other.

Something that one hopes to become true may not real-ly come true. It is as true as the fact that a woman in her twenties must go to size up a prospective mate in an ar-ranged meeting,which however does not necessarily result in her getting married.Maybe this is the reason why I do not love him!