聚焦语篇衔接，提高续写质量

2023-10-12广东吴嘉丽

疯狂英语·新读写 2023年2期

广东吴嘉丽

【名师导学】

读后续写作为一种全新的高考题型，实现了阅读和写作的有机结合。该题型除了要求掌握丰富的词汇和句式，还注重考查内容构思和情节衔接能力。然而，有时候在续写时，我们找不到重点和逻辑，这导致续写内容和上文衔接不紧密。过度重视语法错误而忽视文章的衔接连贯也是一个常见的问题。针对以上问题，我们有三个技巧，希望能提高我们语篇衔接的能力。

一、续写第一段首句出现新的人物或者信息点，下一句的衔接以此展开

在读后续写时，我们难以把握所给段落首句的关键信息，这会导致我们在续写故事时无从下手，或者续写内容和上文衔接不紧密，行文松散。仔细分析段落首句的关键信息，是我们进行读后续写的重要步骤。若段落首句出现阅读文本中从未出现过的人物或者信息点，那么下一句的续写应该围绕新人物、新信息点展开，这样才能达到承上启下的效果。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

On a Sunday afternoon, Kiana French was having fun fishing with her father and her younger sister, not knowing the next minute they would struggle not to sink in the freezing water.Their 12-foot boat was taking in water little by little, and the wind was picking up.Her father, Gary French, hurried to operate the engine, while Kiana, 16, was in the middle with Cierrah,her sister,frightened but still able to keep calm.

Kiana asked Cierrah to take off one of her cowboy boots, with which she got some of the water out.Hard as she tried, that little effort would not help stop the boat sinking.Moments later, the unthinkable happened.The boat was full of water and then it flipped over.Kiana and her sister were dumped in the water.Their father, who had had surgery six months ago, managed not to be thrown into the water but seemed to have great pain in the chest due to the sudden change.

Kiana quickly put on her life jacket and saw Cierrah's and her father's life jackets floating away.She reacted quickly to get them back and held her sister onto the boat.They were so far out in the middle of the lake that they could not see the shore clearly.What's worse,it was getting harder to stay above the waves.Their father swam over and hugged his two girls, Cierrah crying silently.Kiana heard her beloved sister murmur,“I can't feel my feet.”

Kiana knew the only thing to do was get to shore herself and find help.She looked up at her father, exchanging a concerned glance, turned round and swam as hard as she could towards the shore.

Fighting against the strong currents and cold wind,she screamed for help at the top of her voice every three minutes or so.A strong wind blew, and she looked back only to see her sister's and father's heads bobbing (浮动) in the water.She burst into tears, thinking her sister and dad were dead,because she was taking too long.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

With desperate tears,she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it._________

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Paragraph 2:

Once rescued, they were rushed to shore, where a concerned group waited for their arrival._____________________________________________________________________

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文本解读

本文主要讲述了Kiana 一家遇到翻船事故，惊险求生的故事。续写第一段中的a figure,泛指新人物，由此可推测出他很有可能是救星，来拯救遇险的一家人。因此续写第一段的内容应重点描述Kiana 一家遇险求生，且被成功救出（可根据续写第二段的they were rushed to shore推断出来）。我们来对比下面两个续写段落：

学生甲：With desperate tears, she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.With great efforts, she swam as quickly as possible but tiredness seized her and dragged her down to the bottom.She was too exhausted to keep on swimming...

学生乙：With desperate tears, she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.She waved and cried for help with all her strength to catch the man's attention.Luckily,the man yelled back and immediately came to help her.As the boat was approaching, Kiana pointed to her father and her sister...

学生甲的续写基本上都是以Kiana(she)为中心而展开的故事情节，后两句的续写没有衔接首句的新人物（a figure），且忽视了文章的衔接与连贯，使得行文松散；学生乙的续写则捕捉到了续写首句新出现的人物（a figure），第二句描述了Kiana(she)大声呼救以获得新人物的注意，然后新人物开始施救的过程，故事衔接恰当流畅，衔接得更紧密。

二、善用衔接词，增强段内衔接

迄今为止，大部分的读后续写以记叙文为主，所以我们在平时写作练习中可以注意正确运用句子之间的衔接词，有意识地使用复杂句型，以增加文章的亮点：

（1）表示承接、递进：at the very beginning (首先)、what's more (另外)、moreover (此外)、to make things worse/what's worse(使得事情更为糟糕的是)。

（2）表示转折：but、however、otherwise (否则)、though、despite、in spite of (尽管)、on the other hand(另一方面)、on the contrary(恰恰相反)、nevertheless(尽管如此)。

（3）表示时间：a few minutes later、not for a while(没过多久)、then、eventually、all of a sudden (突然)、at the very moment、at the same time、without thinking twice/without a second thought/without hesitation(毫不犹豫)、as soon as。

（4）表示总结：on the whole、in conclusion、in a word、to sum up、in short。

（5）表示伴随：with+n.（with great effort 吃力地、with hesitation 犹豫地、with great ease 很轻易地）

我们来对比下面两个续写段落：

学生甲：With desperate tears, she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.She tried her best to swim to the boat and yelled for help.The man on the boat heard her yelling and came to help.Kiana sighed with a great relief and pointed to her father and her sister, yelling,“They are in the water! Help!”She was soon picked up and taken to where her father and her sister were.They were almost drowned.The man and Kiana quickly helped them get into the boat.

学生乙：With desperate tears, she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.With great efforts, she cried for help to catch the man's attention.Luckily, the man yelled back and immediately came to help her.As the boat was approaching,Kiana pointed to her father and her sister, yelling,“They are in the water! Help!”She was soon picked up and taken to where her father and her sister were.Fortunately, they didn't drown but they were almost on the verge of collapse.At the very moment, the man and Kiana quickly helped them get into the boat.What a narrow escape！

学生乙利用衔接词，厘清句子间的逻辑关系，使得语篇更连贯，文章内容更加饱满，情节更丰富，达到了承上启下的效果。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

With desperate tears,she suddenly spotted a boat with a figure walking on it.She waved and cried for help with all her strength.It seemed like a century later when she heard someone yelling back at her.As the boat was approaching, Kiana pointed to her father and her sister and screamed,“They are in the water! Help!”She was soon picked up and taken to where her father and her sister were.Fortunately, they didn't drown but her father seemed to be giving out,with one hand holding tight onto the boat and the other holding Cierrah.

Paragraph 2:

Once rescued, they were rushed to shore, where a concerned group waited for their arrival.They gave clothes and blankets to the three poor people, and then the ambulance arrived.Kiana,her sister and her father were checked on the spot and finally sent to the nearest hospital.Later, when asked what gave her the strength and perseverance to continue,both in the cold water and in great fear,Kiana said,“I just wanted to save my family,and I didn't want anything bad to happen to them.So I couldn't spare a second to worry or fear.”

三、续写第二段出现特指名词，前文必有所指

为确保文章行文连贯，续写第二段首句有时会出现特指名词，用来指代前文提到过的名词。若阅读文本中没有出现过该名词，我们则需要在续写第一段时，补充说明该名词。

【案例导引】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

During this past year,I've had three instances of car trouble.Each time it happened,I was sick of the way most people hadn't bothered to help.One of those times, I was on the side of the road for close to three hours with my big Jeep.I put signs in the windows, big signs that said NEED A JACK (千斤顶), AND OFFER MONEY.Nothing.Right as I was about to give up,a Mexican family in a small truck pulled over,and the father bounded out.

He sized up the situation and called for his daughter, who spoke English.He conveyed through her that he had a jack but that it was too small for the Jeep, so we would need something to support it.Then he got a saw (锯子)from the truck and cut a section out of a big log on the side of the road.We rolled it over and put his jack on top,and we were in business.

I started taking the wheel off,and then,if you can believe it,I broke his tire iron.“No worries.”He handed it to his wife, and she was gone in a flash down the road to buy a new tire iron.She was back in 15 minutes.We finished the job,and I was a very happy man.

The two of us were dirty and sweaty.His wife prepared a pot of water for us to wash our hands.I tried to put a $20 bill in the man's hand, but he wouldn't take it, so instead I went up to the truck and gave it to his wife as quietly as I could.I asked the little girl where they lived.“Mexico,”she said.They were in Oregon so her mommy and daddy could work on a fruit farm for the next few weeks.Then they would go home.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

When I was about to say goodbye,the girl asked if I'd had lunch.__________________

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Paragraph 2:

After they left,I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.______________________

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文本解读

本文主要讲述了在汽车抛锚时，“我”有幸获得墨西哥一家人的帮助的故事。续写第二段出现了特指名词the paper bag，阅读文本中没有出现此名词短语，因此可以推断续写第一段最后需要出现a paper bag，这样才能与续写第二段的the paper bag 衔接。我们可以根据续写第一段的墨西哥女孩询问“我”用餐与否得知，“我”没用餐，然后他们用纸袋装了点食物给“我”。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

When I was about to say goodbye,the girl asked if I'd had lunch.I told her I hadn't had lunch because I'd been waiting here for help for nearly three hours.The girl said they didn't have lunch either.She suggested to her parents that we have lunch together.There happened to have some food and some things for the picnic in their truck.So we ate together in a vacant lot by the side of the road.During that time,I told them what had happened to me and how I felt.They shared interesting stories about their lives in Mexico and on fruit farms.After lunch,the girl's mother put a paper bag of fruit in my Jeep.I showed my gratitude again and we said goodbye to each other.

Paragraph 2:

After they left, I got into my Jeep and opened the paper bag.There were some delicate fruits in the paper bag.I was surprised to find the money I had quietly left them.At the same time, there was a note written by the girl, which read,“We are very happy to be able to help you.We have encountered many difficulties and been disappointed.But we met a lot of helpful people,which made us feel very warm.To help others with one's own ability is also a kind of lifting a finger.The beauty of life comes from the help.I hope you have a good life and a happy mood.”This made me very moved, and I would try my best to help more people in the future to make our world more beautiful and warmer.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。

It took place in a teacher's family.One day, Ben was playing basketball in the living room after school, when he accidentally threw the ball at a vase sitting on the shelf.The vase dropped to the floor and a large piece broke off.What made Ben more upset was that the vase was not a common decoration but an antique, which was handed down through generations from the 18th century.It was also his mother's favourite possession.To cover his terrible action, the terrified boy glued the pieces together hastily and put the vase back to its place.

As the mother herself dusted the vase every day, she naturally noticed the cracks (裂纹) that evening.To her surprise, the repair work was actually very good.At dinner time,she asked her boy if he broke the vase.Fearing punishment,the suddenly inspired boy said that a neighbour's cat jumped in from the window and he couldn't drive it away no matter how hard he tried.It jumped around the living room and finally knocked the vase off its shelf.His mother was quite clear that her son was lying,for all the windows were closed before she left for work each morning and opened after she returned.However, in the face of her son's nervous eyes and the suspicious looks of the other family members, Ben's mother remained calm.She realized she shouldn't just simply blame and punish her son for lying.She came up with another idea.

Before going to bed,the boy found a note from his mother in his room,asking him to go to the study at once.The boy thought he would now be punished but,as he had already lied,he was determined to deny everything to the end,no matter how angry his mum became.

In the study,calmly bathed in the light,his mother's face showed no sign of anger.On seeing her son push open the door and cautiously enter, she took a chocolate box out of a drawer and gave him one.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

The mother said,“This chocolate is a reward for your imagination: a window-opening cat!”____________________________________________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

Now with some chocolates in hand,the boy's bad attitude disappeared.______________

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【评价导思】

1.你续写的段落有没有根据续写第一段首句出现的新人物或者信息点来安排续写内容？

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2.你续写的段落有没有使用合适的衔接词？

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3.对比你的文章和范文，有哪些异同？

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