读后续写命题分析与备考启示

陈吕兰

讀后续写是一个读写结合的题型，要求考生阅读一篇 350 词以内的材料后能准确理解故事情节，并依据所给的文本材料及两个段落的首句进行续写（150词左右），完成一篇与给定材料有逻辑衔接、情节和结构完整的短文，主要考查考生的深度加工文本的能力、综合语言表达能力、逆向思维与思辨能力。续写故事围绕发现问题、解决问题展开，需要考生充分发挥想象力和创造力，这充分体现了《中国高考评价体系》所倡导的基础性、综合性、应用性和创新性的高考考查要求。本文从读后续写的材料解读和命题思考出发，探讨读后续写备考启示。

1.原文呈现

In September 1998，my family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer.My husband，a forensic science doctor，and I，a professor at Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College，travelled with our three-year-old son Nirjhar for an official event at Delhi's All India Institute of Medical Sciences．

The day after we arrived，my husband's colleague，Sunil Yadav，then a sub-inspector with the Delhi Police，and his wife，invited us over for dinner.It was evening by the time we reached their house．

Happy to have met them after a long time，we sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children—Aashu and Neelu—both of whom were around Nirjhar's age.After around half an hour，our hostess called the kids in for dinner．

Aashu and Neelu came running back to the house，all excited about the special meal，but Nirjhar wasn't with them.Alarmed，we asked the siblings about his whereabouts，but between our panicked questions and keyed-up voices they became nervous and fell silent，unable to convey anything.From the little they were able to explain，we divined that the children were riding their bikes in the neighbourhood lanes，while our son ran after them.At some point，little Nirjhar must have fallen behind，unable to keep pace，taken a wrong turn and lost his way in the unfamiliar area．

Panic-stricken，we ran out in search of our tiny but clever child.As my husband and his friend got on his scooter to check the main road，my mind whirled with all sorts of horrible scenarios—a part of the road was dug up for some construction work； what if Nirjhar had fallen in？ Did someone kidnap him？ How far had he wandered？ How alone and scared he must be in a strange city！

Unable to stay calm，I began running into every lane around the house like a madwoman，shouting my son's name as loud as I could.Uncontrollable tears ran down my face at the heartbreaking silence that followed each time I called out his name.But Nirjhar was nowhere to be found.There were no mobile phones those days.In desperation，I grabbed hold of random passers-by，asking them if they might have seen my son.No one seemed to be able to help.More than an hour passed without a breakthrough.Dreading the worst，I thought，only prayers can help now.Close to despair，nursing a heavy heart，I retraced my steps to our host's place and stood outside，continuing to scan the roads with bleary eyes．

As the minutes passed interminably by，I wondered if my husband and Sunil might have had better luck.Just then，I saw the two men riding in from the opposite end of the lane.But there was no sign of Nirjhar.My heart sank； my mind was blank with hopelessness.All of a sudden，two teenaged boys rode into the same lane on a scooter.As they got closer，I spotted our son，in his red-and-purple shirt and maroon shorts，standing in front of the driver，his hands on the steering handles.Shocked and relieved at the same time，I yelled out and waved my arms in the air to get their attention.My husband and Sunil also saw them and paused until the two boys caught up.As I ran towards them，Nirjhar stepped off the two-wheeler and ran to me，jumping into my arms.He was distraught，in tears and hardly able to speak．

The world fell away as I was reunited with my son，and the next few minutes were spent comforting him.It was only later that I found out from my husband that the kind boys were cleaning their car in front of their house when they saw our crying son walk by.They stopped him and tried to find out who he was and where he lived but Nirjhar was too frightened and upset to give them any information： “My parents are lost； I can't find them，” is all he could say.So they decided to take him to the nearby police station that was down the lane from our friend's house．

My only regret is that I could not thank those kind souls properly before they disappeared in the crowd of onlookers.They were truly like angels-in-disguise for me that day，having answered my sincerest prayers.（741 words）

2.對原故事的解读

首先，我们了解到整个故事的人物Characters （Who）有7个：I，my husband，3-year-old son （Nirjhar），my husband's colleague，his wife and two kids （around Nirjhar's age），故事的背景Setting （When & Where）：My family and I were visiting New Delhi （新德里）from Ajmer.（an unfamiliar place）

It was evening by the time we reached their house．

我们根据读后续写语篇分析通常用到的story mountain记叙文的这个结构，分 opening、 build-up、 climax、 resolution、 ending这五个部分来对故事发展的情节Plots （What）进行分析。在故事的开头Opening部分，也就是（Para.1-2） My family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer for an official event.My husband's colleague invited us to their house for dinner in the evening.在Build-up部分也就是文章的第三段（Para.3）We sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children who were around Nirjhar's age.作者阐述了故事的起因并描写了人物的情感。

My husband & I： happy

Nirjhar： bored & active （Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children.）我们大人聊得很开心，但我儿子厌烦我们大人的聊天而撇开我们大人去跟主人家的两个差不多同龄的小孩去玩了。从而为故事的下一个情节的展开进行铺垫。

然后（Para.4-5） Half an hour later，it was time for dinner，the kids went back without Nirjhar.After questioning，we knew Nirjhar might get lost.We all ran out in search of him.故事推动到了高潮部分Climax。儿子没跟主人家的两个小孩一同回来吃饭，意识到儿子might get lost，描述了当时人物的行为表现We all ran out in search of him.和情感反应Panic-stricken（惊慌失措）。

接下来在Resolution部分描写了大家采取了怎样的行动去解决问题、结果如何。（Para.5-7） I ran into every lane and grabbed hold of random passers-by，asking them if they might have seen my son.My husband and his friend checked the main road.But our efforts were to no avail.Nirjhar turned up with two teenaged boys.这一部分的人物心理描写是生动形象、跌宕起伏的I： mad，heartbreaking，close to despair，hopeless → shocked and relieved.

Nirjhar： distraught，in tears and hardly able to speak

最后在结尾部分Ending，为大家揭开谜底（Para.7-9） The two kind boys met him and decided to take him to the nearby police station that was down the lane from our friend's house.As a result，we reunion.突出主题“善意暖人心”“感恩善举”以及关注孩子的个人成长。

3.改写思考

① 高考读后续写题型特点

读后续写的阅读材料一般都是记叙文或夹叙夹议文，词数一般在350左右，学生需要在阅读后，续写150词左右，形成一篇前后连贯、语句通顺的文章。一般情况下，记叙文故事性强，难度不大，情节曲折动人，逻辑性较强，学生在阅读后容易形成自己的理解，并按照文章的思路进行接下来的写作。学生需要续写的内容往往是故事的解决和结尾，所以需要学生顺藤摸瓜，按照原本的思路、脉络和情感进行写作，使故事曲折跌宕但是又顺理成章。

② 原文结构分析

根据对这个读后续写材料的分析，第一至五段描写了故事的开端、发展、高潮，我们要把一到五段进行保留，作为阅读材料的一个基础，但這一部分共有308个词，按照高考的要求是350个字左右，我们需要对这一部分进行一个适当的拓展增减，以及对一些超纲词进行改编。在续写部分剩下一共有430个词，比我们要续写的150个词的要求是多出来很多的，我们要根据这一个最后故事情节的发展以及想要体现的主题进行构思，进行删减，阐述大家采取怎样的行动去解决问题、最终结果如何。

③ 原文主题分析

1.最后一段My only regret is that I could not thank those kind souls properly before they disappeared in the crowd of onlookers.They were truly like angels-in-disguise for me that day，having answered my sincerest prayers.表达了作者对行善意之人的感恩之心。

2.续写主题思考

除了上面显示的主题，本人还对原文第五段提及的表述“our tiny but clever child”进行思考。通常描绘性形容词的使用在一定程度上影响或指引着学生的理解，所以在设置续写首句时本人也对该点进行了考虑。

4.改写后的文章（含词数的适当减少和超纲词的替换）

In September 1998，my family and I were visiting New Delhi from Ajmer.My husband，a forensic science doctor，and I，a professor at Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College，travelled with our three-year-old son Nirjhar for an official event at Delhi's All India Institute of Medical Sciences．

The day after we arrived，my husband's colleague，Sunil Yadav，then a sub-inspector with the Delhi Police，and his wife，invited us over for dinner.It was evening by the time we reached their house．

Happy to have met them after a long time，we sat in their drawing room and chatted about old times.Addicted so much to each other's life experiences and the stories of the colleagues that we completely forgot everything around us.（增加描述性表達，更好辅助学生理解） Our son，soon bored with adult conversation，went out to play with the host's children — Aashu and Neelu — both of whom were around Nirjhar's age.After around half an hour's delighted talk （增加描述性表达，更好辅助学生理解），our hostess called the kids in for dinner．

Aashu and Neelu came running back to the house，all excited about the special meal，but Nirjhar wasn't with them.Alarmed，we asked the siblings about his whereabouts，keeping questioning in panicked and keyed-up voices，which frightened these two kids.（修改表达，更好辅助学生理解） They became nervous and fell silent，unable to convey anything.From the little they were able to explain，we inferred （替代原词divined） that the children were riding their bikes in the neighbourhood lanes，while our son ran after them.At some point，little Nirjhar must have fallen behind，unable to keep pace，taken a wrong turn and lost his way in the unfamiliar area．

Panic-stricken，we ran out in search of our tiny but clever child.As my husband and his friend got on his scooter（小型摩托车） （增加中文注释） to check the main road，my mind whirled with all sorts of horrible scenes （替代原词scenarios） — a part of the road was dug up for some construction work； what if Nirjhar had fallen in？ Did someone kidnap him？ How far had he wandered？ How alone and scared he must be in a strange city！ （341词）

Para.1

Unable to stay calm，I rushed into every lane around the house，mad.

Para.2

There was still no sign of Nirjhar，but suddenly I heard someone calling me.

（注释：第一段修改了原文的句子，更简练，更符合续写首句特征，也与前文最后一段紧密连接，让学生能按照文章的思路进行接下来的写作，描写寻找孩子的细节和心理；第二段融合了原文故事的结尾主题和本人对原文第五段提及的表述“our tiny but clever child”的思考设置，someone calling me的设置给学生更大的思考空间，在考虑孩子最后是如何被找到的同时，结合孩子的特征思考孩子自身是否会有可能存在简单的求助行为，在突出感恩善举主题的同时，思考孩子个人的成长话题。）

5.One possible version

Unable to stay calm，I rushed into every lane around the house，mad. I shouted in a trembling voice，“Nirjhar！ Nirjhar！”，but in vain.Nirjhar didn't answer me.After searching in the lane for half an hour，I nearly sank into a desperate sea.On the verge of tears，my heart almost broke into pieces.I could not control myself imagining Nirjhar's situation，freezing with tears.A few minutes later，my husband and his friend came back.I urged to see whether Nirjhar also returned with them，however，my husband only shook his head，embracing me into his arms.With my blood running cold，I was so guilty and regretful about my carelessness towards Nirjhar.I cried out that if I had played with Nirjhar before，he would not have lost his way in this strange area.However，I promised to myself that I wouldn't give up finding him.Therefore，I got on the scooter and was determined to find my dear son together with my husband，searching every corner of the lane．

There was still no sign of Nirjhar，but suddenly I heardsomeone calling me. I stopped the scooter in a hurry and turned my head，expecting to see Nirjhar's figure.Excitedly，I caught sight of a young man who brought my son and walked close to me.On seeing me，Nirjhar dashed into my arms and hugged me tightly.Hardly had I realized that my son came back when I breathed a sigh of relief.Then my husband and I expressed our sincere thankfulness to the young man.The young man gave us a gentle smile，saying that it was clever Nirjhar who asked him for help，so he led Nirjhar to find us.I was so proud about Nirjhar's smart behaviour that I thumbed up at him.Eventually our family members hugged joyfully.It serves as a reminder that we should always keep an eye on the small kids and Nirjhar also surprises me with his cleverness．

通過以上对读后续写的材料解读和命题思考，我们就很明了高考读后续写解题的关键是要实现对语篇的宏观把握和对续写段落的微观处理，通过深度解读文本，把握语篇主题，明确写作方向，合理创设、展开跌宕起伏的情节，厘清人物的情感与心理变化，契合原文语言风格，保持续文内容与原文的连贯协同，做到逻辑合理、紧扣主题。在备考当中，我们要强化学生的词汇积累，指导学生进行有关环境、动作、表情、心理描写等生动的词汇和多变句型的操练，引导学生准确、恰当地使用所学词汇和语言结构，把握文本主题和内在逻辑，基于原文合理创造展开续写，努力提高学生的读后续写写作水平，提升续写备考的质量。

责任编辑吴昊雷