深度解读原文，模仿语言风格

2023-04-14广州朱咏梅

疯狂英语·新读写 2023年3期

广州朱咏梅

【名师导学】

读后续写主要依托于语言表达能力、逻辑思维能力、语言理解能力和语言模仿能力，是对原文的延续和收尾，续写部分除了要合理并且跟原文在逻辑和内容上保持一致，还要保持语言风格的一致性。因此，续写的文章在语言上也要顺承原文的语言风格。这就要求我们除了注重原文的逻辑和内容，还需要模仿原文的语言风格，以达到续写部分与原文的高度融合。我们在阅读原文时须认真解读原文的文本语言，并在续写输出中创造性地模仿原文的语言风格。另外，我们在读后续写的过程中，经常会进入以下误区：

1.续写文章过多使用高级词汇和生僻词汇。在写作中使用一些不常见的词汇确实会让一些评卷老师眼前一亮，毕竟在众多千篇一律的答卷中看到一种意思的不同表达方法，而且语境是正确的，会让疲惫的评卷老师拥有不一样的心情。但是如果过多使用生僻词汇，而且语境跟上下文不融合，这则会给人一种“为赋新词强说愁”的感觉。所以，我们在写作过程中一定要注意使用适合续写文章的生僻词汇。高级词汇可以用，但一定要与上下文语境一致。

2.动作、情感描写太夸张。有些同学为了套用老师平常要求背诵的句式表达，强硬地给文章中的人物安排不合适的情感、动作，这使得故事情节相当突兀，例如，当描写学生因为做错事情而接受老师的批评的时候，需要描写其害怕的心理活动，可是有些同学直接把面对大型凶猛动物时害怕的表达搬了过来，运用了“At the sight of the teacher,I froze with terror,too scared to move an inch.”这一句子。这个句子的表达就有点夸张。因此，在续写过程中，动作、情感描写要切合原文的语言，合乎逻辑。

3.对对话的处理不恰当。有些同学在续写的过程中不知道怎么写，但是为了凑字数，续写的内容大部分是文中人物的对话。在读后续写中能否描写对话这一问题上，不同老师有不同的看法，笔者认为这个也属于文章语言风格的模仿范畴。如果原文中基本没有对话，那么后面的续写内容也应尽量避免用对话来推动情节的发展，而应该用动作、心理或者情境等方面的描写。如果原文中有人物对话，但不多，续写部分也应该模仿，加入一些对话。总之，续写中对对话的处理，取决于原文对对话的处理。

那么，我们应该如何模仿原文的语言风格呢？我们可以参考以下几点：

1.深度解读原文。只有在读懂原文的基础上，才能分析原文的语言风格，才能确定后面的语言基调。

2.从原文的情感、语言等方面分析文本。读完原文，解析每个人物的性格特点，从原文中动作、情感、对话、环境等方面的描写观察文章中描述人物的语言特点，确定原文的语言风格。

3.模仿原文的语言风格，尽量和原文保持一致。确定原文的语言风格后，创造出与原文性格特点一致的人物形象，运用与原文一致的文笔手法，对后续的事件展开合理的创作。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

I was turning ten in the summer of 1995.On a warm evening while we were at dinner table,my mom announced we were taking a trip to Niagara Falls when the summer vacation started so that we could celebrate my birthday there.

It all sounded incredibly good until Mom said we would be driving to Canada.As was often the case, my dad would do all the driving when my mom managed the directions.But Dad often took wrong turns along the way and Mom would not stop complaining.

I didn't like the car rides and looked over at my 6-year-old sister, Marlene.She giggled at me and rolled her eyes.Driving in the car meant I'd share the back seat with my sister,who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep.

“Hey, can we take a plane there instead?”I asked with mouthfuls of hamburger and French fries.Sometimes,when Dad had a day off from work,we would drive out to Idlewild Airport to watch the planes take off and land.I always hoped that one day I could get to sit in my own seat on one of those planes.It would be so cool to get high up the beautiful sky.

“Sorry, honey, maybe next time,”my mother replied as she and my father exchanged glances.I turned to my sister, hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too, but she simply stuck her tongue(舌头)out at me and giggled again.

Don't they get it?I was in desperate need of a plane ride,and I needed something cool to talk about with my friends when we got home.“Sitting in the back seat of the car sucks,”I blurted out(脱口而出).

“Jay!”my mom shouted.“Watch your mouth!”

“OK,sorry,but I really want to go by plane,”I said.

“This conversation is over,”my dad growled.“Finish your eating and go to your room.”

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.__________________________

_________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.______________________

_________________________________________________

-文本解读

一、原文的语篇要素

Who my mom,my dad,my sister and I When in the summer of 1995 when I was turning ten What discussing whether to go to Niagara Falls for my birthday by car or by air Where at home Why In my opinion,the advantages of travelling by air outweighed its disadvantages.How My parents refused my request and decided to go there by car.

二、原文的情节脉络

三、原文的巧妙用词

1.On a warm evening while we were at dinner table, my mom announced we were taking a trip to Niagara Falls when the summer vacation started so that we could celebrate my birthday there.在一个温暖的晚上，我们在吃饭的时候，我的妈妈宣布暑假开始的时候，我们将要去尼亚加拉大瀑布旅行，以便我们能在那里庆祝我的生日。

文中对环境的描写用了warm这个词，而且这次旅行的目的是celebrate my birthday，这就为后文的续写奠定了基调——一定是以“我”为主的一次旅行。

2.It all sounded incredibly good until Mom said we would be driving to Canada.这一切听起来都非常好，直到妈妈说我们会开车去加拿大。

这里用副词incredibly 来修饰good这个形容词，说明“我”对自己生日的安排很满意，又用一个until引导的时间状语从句，点出了美中不足的地方。因为这次的旅程是专门为庆祝“我”的生日而准备的，所以后面“我”为自己争取坐飞机去那里也就合情合理了。

四、文章运用了各种语言风格来推动文章的发展

1.现在分词作主语和定语从句的运用

Driving in the car meant I'd share the back seat with my sister, who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep.开车意味着我要跟我的妹妹分享后面的座位，她不会停止制造噪声除非她睡着了。

Driving in the car为现在分词作主语，现在分词的使用避免了句式的单一，并且后面用了一个定语从句who would never stop making noise unless she was asleep，进一步说明了“我”不想开车去瀑布的原因。

2.对话的描写和状语从句的运用

“Sorry, honey, maybe next time,”my mother replied as she and my father exchanged glances.“对不起，亲爱的，可能下一次（我们再坐飞机去吧，这次不行）。”妈妈回答道，与此同时她和爸爸交换了一下眼色。

这句话用as 引导的时间状语从句对人物的动作进行细节描写，为后面的续写做了铺垫。读到这里，让人不禁深思：为什么爸爸妈妈要交换眼色呢？前面对话的描写和后面动作的描写让人思考妈妈这句话暗含的意思是什么。如果我们能注意到这些写作特点并将其运用到后面的续写中去，那么我们就能做到续写文章与原文的语言风格类似。

3.非谓语作状语和宾语从句的运用

I turned to my sister, hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too, but she simply stuck her tongue out at me and giggled again.我转向我的妹妹，希望她能说她也希望坐飞机，但是她仅仅向我吐了吐舌头并且再次咯咯地笑了起来。

本句中，hoping she would say she wanted to get on a plane too 用了非谓语作状语和宾语从句，表达了“我”希望妹妹能站在自己这边劝说父母改变出行方式，但是妹妹仅仅向“我”吐了吐舌头，而且再一次笑了，这让人觉得她的笑内含深意，也为后面的续写奠定了基础。

4.用对话等描写表达角色的感情

“Jay!”my mom shouted.“Watch your mouth!”...“This conversation is over,”my dad growled.“Finish your eating and go to your room.”“杰伊！”妈妈大喊。“注意你的言辞！”……“谈话结束了，”我爸爸咆哮道。“吃完回到你的房间去。”

妈妈的shouted 和爸爸的growled 暗示着“我们”这次的讨论不欢而散。这也为后面故事的反转做了铺垫，这样看起来后面的续写故事的基本走向就比较清晰明了了。

五、续写故事设计与语言运用

续写第一段段首句是“We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.”（两天之后的周六早上我们开自己的车出发了。）。看似故事的发展是按照父母原来确定好的路线——开车出行。但是如果仅看到第一段段首句而忽视了第二段段首句，就会掉进陷阱，导致续写第一段与后面的线索衔接不顺畅。因为续写第二段段首句“I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.”［我被告知（继续）等待直到在机场办理我们的行李托运手续。］暗示了后面“我”的生日愿望——坐飞机去瀑布那里——很可能得以实现。

那么在续写第一段我们要思考到底是什么原因导致“我们”后面要去机场，是因为父母的安排，还是车子出了问题“我们”不得不改变出行方式。从原文的一系列分析中，我们可以感受到其实父母早就想尊重“我”的愿望，实现“我”想坐飞机出行的梦想，并且很可能妹妹也是知情者，虽然她只有六岁。所以续写第一段可以通过对环境、动作、心理等一系列的细节描写来表达作者的郁闷、心有不甘但又无可奈何的境况。并且续写第一段就要有这一内容：“我”惊喜地发现“我们”居然要去机场。

续写第二段的描写可能是偏向对话式的解释，因为原文也用了一些对话来推进故事的发展，所以在续写这段时运用对话是非常合适的。而作者肯定也很纳闷为什么父母之前不同意坐飞机去旅行，却又在中途变卦，这也是读者心里的一个疑团。所以第二段的重点应该是解惑和一次完美快乐的生日之旅。

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

We left two days later on Saturday morning in our car.Sighing with disappointment, I helped carry the suitcase to the trunk of the car.There I was speechlessly sitting in the back with my sister, who was shouting loudly to express her excitement of the trip.Murmuring in a down voice, I tried to practice picturing to my friends how wonderful my car trip would be though it was not.After what seemed like a lifetime, I felt extremely relieved when Marlene finally fell asleep beside me.Looking out of the window, I caught sight of a large plane flying overhead.How I wished I were on that plane! Suddenly, I noticed my father drove past a sign which read“Airport Parking”.Confused,I looked at my mom, hoping she could tell me what was going on.Wearing a mysterious smile on Dad's face,he asked us all to get off our car with all our belongings.

Paragraph 2:

I was told to wait until we checked in our bags at the airport.Seeing the puzzled look on my face, Mom happily explained,“Surprised, honey? It's not our plan to go Niagara Falls by car, just as you can see.We want to give you the choice and pretend to do the opposite in order to give you an unforgettable birthday!”My dad also wished me a happy birthday as he bent down to kiss my head while Marlene threw her arms around me,winking and giggling once again heartily, which revealed that even my sister also knew the whole plot.Tears of joy welled up in my eyes and I couldn't help hugging them tightly,crying,“Thank you! I love you.”Words failed to express my emotion at that time.What touched me most was the great love, patience and tolerance from my family.I will never forget this memorable birthday!

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Emily came from a musical family.Her father was a famous pianist in his early years and later was a music instructor.Her mother, was a performer and composer.Emily's older brother was a cellist and part of the church's choir.However,Emily wasn't like her brother.She was unable to play any instrument.

“You have to be an instrument that you're playing.Why aren't you able to do it?”Emily's father said to her, advising her to learn to play the piano.From time to time, her mother would show the wish that Emily could develop her ability to perform on the stage.It seemed that the whole family was pushing her to play music.Every time this happened, it was a massive pain for her.Emily felt that she wasn't part of her family.It was her dream to become just like the rest of them.However, no matter how hard she tried, she was unable to make it.

“Being different doesn't mean that you aren't blessed with any potential or talent,”said Sarah,a teacher of Emily.“Maybe there is something interesting that I can do,”Emily thought.Every evening, Emily spent time sketching or drawing and painting in her bedroom.Her paintings showed her father on the piano and her brother on the cello as well as her mother performing on the stage.Her paintings were vivid and the emotions were real.The paintings revealed how much her family was devoted to music.The paintings also revealed the things Emily was skilled at.

But her family did not even know.The only thing they knew was that Emily was unable to sing and play one musical instrument.And they weren't happy with her at all.Emily was a lover of her loved ones,and she loved them dearly.She wanted to be the pride of the family someday.How could this happen when she wasn't able to do what they asked her to accomplish?

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

The answer was found when Sarah saw her gift for the arts._______________________

_________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

When her parents saw her artwork,they were moved deeply._______________________

_________________________________________________