烧不完的邮件

文/本·霍夫曼 译/唐钰琪 审订/唐伟胜

我的邻居又在烧他的邮件

了。我的邻居是个邮差，所以他的邮件不是他收到的，而是他负责投递的，或者说是他应该投递却被他拿去烧掉的邮件。我们住连栋，我能闻到从墙壁透过来的烟味。我烤了一个派，每当邮差烧邮件或我想念简时我就烤派。虽然我在烤派，可我的公寓闻起来没有派的味道。我的公寓闻起来是信封燃烧的味道，而我一个人住。我走向隔壁。我跟邮差说，我带来了派，也许你需要歇一会儿。他比上次更瘦了，而我更胖了。邮差说他没时间歇，他烧邮件的速度还不够快。邮件在厨房台面上、咖啡桌上、壁炉架上堆积成山，券单散落一地。壁炉噼里啪啦、呼呼作响。邮差把医院账单、成绩单、呼吁校友回馈母校的邮件统统塞进壁炉。他说邮局的调查员快到了。我以前都不知道还有调查员。我问邮差能帮他什么。他说，提供失踪邮件的线索可拿奖励，如果我需要钱，可以去告发他。我确实需要钱，但我不会告发他。我欠这个邮差太多了。当初是他让我知道简有了外遇。那时候她在给她的药剂师写情书。在回信地址上，她把那个人的姓写成自己的姓。邮差起了疑心。然后邮局那边发生了一起意外事件，有台机器撕开了一封信。这件事本身也让人起疑心。邮差读了那封信，但没有让我读。他说那是违法的。我怀疑他是故意不让我看到详尽的细节。总之简离开了我。我现在经常一个人边烤派边想象信里的详尽细节。

My neighbor is burning his mail again.My neighbor is a postman so his mail is not the mail he receives but the mail he delivers, or the mail he should be delivering but instead is burning.We live in a duplex and I can smell the smoke, seeping through the walls.I bake a pie, which is a thing I do when the postman is burning his mail or when I miss Jane.I bake a pie but my apartment does not smell like pie.My apartment smells like burning envelopes and I am alone.I go next door.I bring the pie—in case you need a break,I tell the postman.He is thinner than last time and I am fatter.The postman says he has no time for breaks.He cannot burn his mail fast enough.Towers of mail are stacked1stack 堆放，摞起。on the counters, the coffee table, the mantle2mantel 的拼写变体，壁炉台。.Coupons are scattered across the floor.The fireplace crackles and churns.The postman sticks in hospital bills, report cards, appeals to alumni to give back.He says the investigators from the post office are closing in.I did not know they existed.I ask the postman if I can help.He says there is a reward for leads on the missing mail.I can turn him in3turn in 告发，检举。if I need the cash.I do, but I won’t.I owe the postman too much.He was the one who let me know Jane was having an affair.She was writing love letters to her pharmacist.On the return address she took his last name as her own.The postman was suspicious.Then there was an accident down at the post office; a machine tore open a letter.This was also suspicious.The postman read the letter, though he did not let me read the letter.He said that would be illegal.I suspect he was shielding me from the particular details.Anyway Jane left and I am alone baking pies and imagining particular details.

2Don’t the investigators know where you live, I ask the postman.

They are tracking the missing mail,not me.

Don’t they know what mail you deliver?

They are a little disorganized down at the post office, he says.But soon enough it will lead to me.

3He throws credit card offers into his fireplace.General interest magazines,their subscriber labels melting and dripping.Smoke fumes4fume 冒烟。out to the ceiling.I deserve to be caught, he says.I have done awful things.

2我问邮差，难道调查员不知道你的住处吗？

他们在追踪丢失的邮件，而不是我。

难道他们不知道你投递的邮件？

邮局那边做事有点没条理，他说，但过不了多久，他们会顺着线索找到我的。

3他把寄来的信用卡丢进壁炉，还有各种大众杂志，里面的订户标签在火中熔化滴落。烟雾升腾到天花板。他说，我活该被抓，我做了糟糕的事情。

4I do not see it that way.People are not getting their mail, but this doesn’t seem so bad to me.What do people ever get in the mail but bad news? Maybe if you are a person who has affairs you might get illicit love letters, but I am not a person who has affairs.I get debt notices and electric bills and Jane’s lingerie catalogues and postcards from her niece.Jane has left but they keep coming.Or: I was getting all those things,before the postman stopped delivering my mail.It is better now, not getting them.He has let me burn a few myself:Jane’s J.Crew catalog, her AAA card.

5Are you sure about no pie? I ask.It’s rhubarb.

Smoke curls around towers of packages.The postman creeps5creep 悄悄地缓慢移动。to the window, unsteadily, like his legs have not been used in some time.His calves used to bulge6bulge 鼓起。.I can tell he has not been eating.He peeks around the curtain.

6That’s them, he says.They’re here for me.

I take a look.That’s just Ms.Mulvaney with her dog, I tell the postman.I open the window for ventilation.You remember.Didn’t she bite you once?

7Who? Ms.Mulvaney?

I smile, but I can see he is remembering that day when fear and pain butted up against a duty he still felt.

4我不这样看。人们收不到他们的邮件，但我认为这不是什么太坏的事。人们从邮件里读到的除了坏消息还有什么？如果你有了外遇，你可能会收到不正当的情书，但我这个人没有外遇。我收到的是欠账单、电费单、寄给简的内衣产品目录，还有她侄女寄来的明信片。简已经离开了，可这些邮件还不停地寄来。换句话说，我一直在收这些东西，直到邮差不再投递我的邮件。现在收不到这些东西，反倒更好。他让我自己烧掉了几封邮件：简订阅的J.Crew 新品目录，还有她的AAA 信用卡。

5我问，你真的不吃点派吗？大黄馅的。

烟雾围着一大堆一大堆的包裹缭绕。邮差蹑手蹑脚地走到窗边，摇摇晃晃的，好像他的腿已经有段时间没用过了。他的小腿以前是鼓鼓的。我能看出，他最近没吃东西。他在窗帘边往外瞅。

6是他们，他说，他们是冲我来的。

我看了一眼。我告诉邮差，那是马尔瓦尼女士和她的狗。我打开窗户通风。你还记得吧，她不是咬过你一回吗？

8You never know, he says.They will come quietly.The post office does not need any more PR problems.You should call them while you have the chance.Big money.

9Probably it is not big money.But it suits his sense of self to imagine the punishment of his crimes is worth so much.

10Here is an irony, says the postman.I started burning my mail so I didn’t have to deliver it.But now I am beholden to7be beholden to 受制于；负有义务的。this.There is so much to burn, to cover my tracks.I would have been better off delivering it.Why did I not just do that?He says, things beget8beget 导致，引起。things, which sounds plagiarized9plagiarize 剽窃。from something biblical, but I am not a person who would know.

7谁？马尔瓦尼女士？

我笑了，但我能看出，他记起了那天的事。那天，恐惧和疼痛与他内心尚存的责任感同样强烈。

8谁知道呢，他说，他们可能悄悄地来。邮局不能再出公众形象问题。你应该给他们打电话，你还有机会，一大笔钱。

9也许并不是一大笔钱。但是，想象治自己的罪值那么一大笔钱让他感觉良好。

10这事也很可笑，邮差说，我当初开始烧邮件，是因为这样我就不用去送邮件，但现在我被套住了。为掩人耳目，要烧掉的邮件实在太多，倒不如当初把邮件送出去。我为什么不那样做呢？他说，一事惹一事。这听起来像是从《圣经》抄来的，但其实我这样的人是想不到这些的。

11房间里满是烟雾。邮差擦擦额头，把一只胳膊靠在一堆包裹上，结果这堆包裹塌下来，邮件撒了一地。我把邮差从邮件堆里拽出来，拽到了门廊，又拽出门到了大街上。我扶他坐在路缘上。马尔瓦尼女士问简的情况。我说她大概过得很开心吧。邮差把脚踝伸向她的狗。那狗甚至没有冲他吠，似乎已经认不出他是个邮差。他现在只是个普通百姓。他的呼吸有烟味，嘴唇焦黑，手指也熏得黑黑的。他拿出手机，开始拨号。他问，你打算怎么花赏金？买辆摩托车？还是熊队的赛季套票？他把手机递给我；手机在响铃。

11The room is filled with smoke.The postman wipes his forehead and rests an arm against a stack of packages, which topple10topple 倒下。across the floor.I drag the postman from the debris, out onto the porch, then the street.I help him sit on the curb.Ms.Mulvaney asks how Jane is.I say she is likely very happy.The postman offers his ankle to her dog.She does not even growl at him, like she does not recognize him as a postman anymore.He is only a civilian now.His breath is smoky, his lips charred11charred 烧黑的。, his fingers sooty12sooty 被煤烟熏黑的。.He takes out his cell phone and dials.How will you spend your reward? he asks.Motorcycle?Bears season tickets? He hands me his phone; it is ringing.

12I wonder why Jane and her pharmacist wrote each other letters, but I suppose it suited their sense that their passion was too great for modern technology, a relic from a more romantic time.I suppose it suits me to pretend I know what they desired.

13Smoke billows from the postman’s chimney, thick and black, proof that things are flying away from us.The smoke is probably suspicious, since it is summer.Probably they will come for us soon.Probably our lives are over.Hello,I say.I am here to claim my reward.■狗。那狗甚至没有冲他吠，似乎已经认不出他是个邮差。他现在只是个普通百姓。他的呼吸有烟味，嘴唇焦黑，手指也熏得黑黑的。他拿出手机，开始拨号。他问，你打算怎么花赏金？买辆摩托车？还是熊队的赛季套票？他把手机递给我；手机在响铃。

12我不知道为什么简和那个药剂师要给对方写信，但我想，他们或许觉得感情过于浓烈，现代科技无法传递，因此写信这种更浪漫的时代遗留下来的方式正合适。我想，假装知道他们想要什么，这对我也正合适。

13烟气从邮差房间的烟囱里滚滚冒出，又浓又黑，证明某些东西正离我们远去。这烟也许会令人生疑，毕竟现在是夏天。也许他们很快就会找到我们。也许我们的日子已经到头了。你们好，我说，我是来领赏金的。 □