整本书阅读之写作指导——从《怦然心动》学读后续写结构完整性及语言丰富性

湖南

读后续写的评分标准中的五档作文要求：与所给短文融洽度较高；有效地使用了语句间的连接成分，使所续写短文结构紧凑；所使用语法结构和词汇丰富。这给学生提升读后续写能力提供了有效途径。在实践中，学生容易游离于所给文段的中心思想，写出结构不合理、语言乏味的文章。而完整的行文结构与语言表达应相辅相成，在任何一篇优秀的作品里二者都是不可分割的。《怦然心动》（Flipped）这本书讲述了其貌不扬的小女孩和帅气小男孩的恋爱故事，另有同名电影促进学生对故事情节的理解，且词汇难度适中，适合高中生阅读。由于其具有趣味性、结构完整性、语言丰富性，因此可作为提升学生写作能力的阅读佳作。在阅读原著小说的过程中，学生能够学会欣赏行文结构的设计、积累丰富的词汇表达，在读后续写的输出中下笔如有神。

一、结构完整性

达到结构完整性是学生写出好作文的重难点，受中文思维的影响，学生容易忽略对写作结构的设计。而只有使段落及篇章结构连续紧凑，才能准确地向读者传达作者的思想。想要达到结构完整性可以从巧用重复和妙用逻辑两个方面入手。在训练中要求学生不仅要用重复使续写文段与所给文段的中心思想相呼应，还要用逻辑词表现故事情节的转折、递进等关系。两种手法的运用能够使得文段前后一致，紧凑有条理。

1.巧用重复

巧用重复包括运用原词重复、近义词重复、句式重复。

（1）原词重复

通过原词重复达到聚集中心的目的，读起来有统一连续性。如：

Chapter 1:①Finally I break free and do the only manly thing available when you’re seven years old—I dive behind my mother.②I spotted her in the nick of time and dove under my bed,but man,that right there tells you something about Juli Baker.③It is way better to dive down and get out of the way than it is to get clobbered by some parental tidal wave.④Whatever.I was stuck with her sniffing.And since I couldn’t see her perfectly penned answers anymore,my grades took a dive.

dive 是一个线索，它在整章中不断地重复出现，包含以下几层含义：dive behind 躲在……身后，dove under my bed 躲在床底下，dive down 潜水，my grades took a dive 我的成绩大跳水。通过重复dive，主要表现了男主人公一开始懦弱胆小的性格。由此可学到，原词重复是不断地提醒读者抓住中心思想的有效策略。

（2）近义词重复

近义词的重复能让读者从各个角度感受到作者的强调点。如：

Chapter 2:My heart stopped.It just stopped beating...You know,like the world is moving all around you,all beneath you,all inside you,and you’re floating.Floating in midair.And the only thing keeping you from drifting away is the other person’s eyes.They’re connected to yours by some invisible physical force,and they hold you fast while the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away.

这一段的核心句是“My heart stopped.”，作者用以下近义词来呼应心理活动：stopped beating,floating in midair,drifting away,the rest of the world swirls and twirls and falls completely away。可见，学生需要积累近义词词汇，从各个角度描述主人公的感受，强烈回应主题。

（3）句式重复

除以上两种重复手段之外，句式重复也能强化主旨。如：

Chapter 2:①All through the second and third grades I couldn’t seem to stop myself from following him,from sitting by him,from just wanting to be near him.②Instead,I spent the year whispering spelling words,sniffing watermelon,and wondering if I was ever going to get my kiss.

相似的句式结构可以用来描绘主人公的情绪变化或情节变化，用侧面暗示、加强中心思想。在写作中运用一两处相似的句式结构能让人眼前一亮，它不仅有音韵和谐之美、形式整齐之美，也可从视觉及听觉上震撼读者。

2.妙用逻辑

巧妙运用逻辑词能够使文章具有紧凑性，通过起承转合使故事条理通顺。

（1）强转折词

强转折词包括一些副词或短语：however,therefore,meanwhile,besides,on the other hand,on the outside,on the inside 等。如：

Chapter 1:Lucky for me,my dad was willing to run block.And he did it over and over again.He told her I was busy or sleeping or just plain gone.He was a lifesaver.My sister,on the other hand,tried to sabotage me any chance she got.Lynetta’s like that.

Chapter 6:On the outside eggs were boring,but I knew what was happening on the inside!

强转折词能够很明晰地提示读者接下来要发生什么事。在写作中安插这些小词能够牵引读者的情绪，进行有效互动。

（2）弱转折词

弱转折词是通过间接的方式，使用褒贬的情感词突显出一个段落前后的逻辑衔接，使得文章结构严谨。如：

Chapter 1:Juli’d always been sly about sniffing,which really bugged me because no one ever noticed her doing it,but she was just as sly about giving me answers,which was okay by me...But after a while,taking all those answers made me feel sort of indebted to her.How can you tell someone to bug off or quit sniffing you when you owe them? It’s,you know,wrong.

关注句与句之间、段与段之间的衔接，在作文中适当添加弱转折词能够使得文段逻辑顺畅，读起来整体性强。

二、语言丰富性

语言丰富性可以从学习丰富的语法结构以及地道的表达入手。丰富的语法结构突出表现为叠加多个动词、活用伴随状语、运用多变的句式。形式的变换能够转变句子的聚焦点，使得句子具有变幻感，而大量地道的表达会使语言具有穿透力。

记叙文中有很多动作描写，而连续相接的动词能够带给读者动态的画面感，使读者身临其境。

1.叠加多个动词

这种方法有两种方式：①用before,after,as,when 等连词来表明先后或者同时发生。②叠加使用V1,V2,V3and V4用于描述一气呵成的动作。如（加粗字体表动作，加下划线的词为连词）：

Chapter 5:“So,son,mission accomplished?” heaskedas hestabbedinto a mountain of fettuccine andwhirledhis fork around.

Chapter 7:①Icrouchedbehind a neighbor’s hedge andwatchedthem for ten or fifteen minutes,and man,the longer Iwatched,the madder I got.②I shudderedanddroppedthe curtain,ditchedthe homework,andheadedfor the TV.

2.活用伴随状语

其操作公式为：V主动词+非谓语作状语/形容词作状语/with 结构作伴随状语。如（加粗的字体表示前景化的动作，加下划线的部分表示背景化的动作）：

Chapter 6:I stumbledhome,embarrassed and confused,my heart completely cracked open.

Chapter 7:Then my motherboltedout of the room,sobbing into her hands,and my fatherracedafter her,throwing my grandfather the wickedest look I’d ever seen.

Chapter 8:①“You didn’t get that stubborn streak from me,” she said,butcame backoutside with a glass of juice and a kiss for my cheek.②At least that’s what I tried to tell myself whenI floppedinto bed that night,dead tired.

Chapter 10:And Iwas busy talking tomy buried seedlings,coaxing them to spring up and greet the rising sun,when my father came outside.

活用伴随状语的方式类似于电影拍摄里的背景虚化，主动词得到特写镜头，而伴随状语起到虚化背景的衬托作用。再结合叠加多个动词的写作方法，能够使得画面既在时间上连续又在空间上立体，整套动作鲜明生动。

3.运用多变的句式

句式的变化能够将读者的注意力转移到作者想要突出的部分。长短句的交替使用，倒装句、连续问句等的运用使得句式有着变幻之美，同时也能够达到强调的目的。如：

Chapter 5:Was I really afraid of hurting her feelings? Or was I afraid of her?

Chapter 6:...but then I made the most amazing discovery —chickens lay eggs! Beautiful,shiny,creamy white eggs!

Chapter 7:I was absolved.Relieved.Happy.

Chapter 8:And I tried to do what Chet had said—I tried to look past them.What was behind them? What was he thinking? Was he really sorry? Or was he just feeling bad about the things he’d said? It was like looking into the sun,though,and I had to turn away.

Chapter 10:Down the hall was a small person hunched in a wheel-chair.

从整本书阅读中我们学习到，每种句式都有其特定的功能：长句+短句的模式，往往强调的是后面的短句；感叹句使得作者激动的情感跃然纸上；非语法结构的短句，使得它突出于其他常规的句子而得到更多的关注；连续问号表现出人物内心的迷惑不解；倒装句将重点转移到句尾。在写作中应当根据需求择其一二使用。

4.积累地道的表达

因为中英文化存在差异，就导致学生在写作中很容易产出中式英语。为了避免蹩脚英语的频繁出现，学生应积累大量地道的表达来应对表达不当的情况。很多地道的表达源于对生活的观察，我们应当思考每个地道表达的背后逻辑，从概念上去理解英语。做到知其然知其所以然，并恰到好处地运用。原著阅读不仅为理解地道的表达提供了合适的语境，也为如何使用地道的表达提供了参照。如：

Chapter 1:①To fully appreciate the brilliance of this （充分地理解这有多妙）,you have to understand that Juli hates Shelly Stalls.She always has,though it beats me why（我不懂为什么）.

②That way,anytime Juli was around,all I’d have to do was hang a little closer to Shelly and things would just naturally take care of themselves（事情就会自然而然地解决）.

Chapter 4:It was on a day like that when my father’s notion of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts（整体大于部分之和）moved from my head to my heart（顿悟）.

Chapter 8:①They looked at each other,having some private wordless conversation（默契）I couldn’t decipher.② Then in the back of my mind,it clicked.Everything clicked （所有东西对得上号）.It was my dad’s brother they were talking about.My uncle.David.

Chapter 10:It was like the silence connected us in a way that explanations never could（此时无声胜有声）.

Chapter 13:Two hours ago you were the man.The man!The whole school was on their knees before you（被你折服）!Now look at you.You’re,like,a social hazard.”

Chapter 14:I didn’t really need to ask,though,and he knew he didn’t need to answer（心照不宣的默契）.I could tell from the shape of the leaves,from the texture of the trunk.This was a sycamore tree.

通过阅读整本书学生们丰富了词汇库，如：get the nerve to 有 勇 气 做 某 事，the sky’s the limit 不 设 上 限，stretch their legs 松一下筋骨，when the dust finally settled 尘埃落定之时，an eye-shot away 瞥一眼就可看到的距离，it dawned on me 我明白了，get an iron backbone 有硬骨气，crack the case 解决这个问题，Nothing helped.然而并没有什么用。地道表达的积累不是一朝一夕之功，它不仅是新的表达，更是新的看待世界的角度。只有重组概念，思考每个地道表达背后的逻辑，才能够更深刻地理解它们的含义。这样一来，学生在写作中使用过它们之后更能牢牢记住这些表达。

三、实例分析

学生习作：

The next day we remembered the brand-new tent we had brought with us.Planning to have a picnic,we hung out to look for a place.After a short hunt,a gorgeous sight came into our view.The sunlight cast an orange glow over the river,making the river a brilliant silk ribbon.We put up the tent and started camping there.Time passed quickly and it was almost noon.A sense of hunger pushed us to fetch the delicious food from our car.However,we opened the trunk with full expectations,only to find an empty bag.Again we’re on our way to fetch the food left in the hotel.

We drove through several states and saw lots of great sights along the way.We visited busy cities and idyllic countryside,enjoying the sunlight and mother nature.Along with the sights were mother’s merry songs,a smiling face and laughter,which added a lot of joy to our trip.Nothing could be compared,we thought,with the family time as well as absent-minded,forgetful but sweet and loving mom.Eventually,we ended this trip happy and fulfilled.（2017 年11 月浙江卷读后续写习作郭同学）

习作赏析：

两段续写结构完整、语言优美。第一段的主旨为健忘的妈妈又一次丢了东西，第二段的主旨为这是一次难忘的旅途。所续写的段落主旨与所给出的文段的人物性格以及中心思想密切契合。通过同义词“absent-minded”“forgetful”的重复将妈妈的形象前后一致地联系起来，使得整个故事结构紧凑完整。此外，第一段中的关键转折词“However”突显了意外的发生，第二段中的“Eventually”对所有文段进行总结，使得段内逻辑非常自然。

语言丰富性体现在句式多变以及用语地道上。“Planning to have a picnic,we hung out to look for a place.”“The sunlight cast an orange glow over the river,making the river a brilliant silk ribbon.”是典型的非谓语动词作状语，突出了主要动词，虚化了次要动词，使得画面层次清晰。“Along with the sights were mother’s merry songs,a smiling face and laughter...”一句采用倒装句，将重点移至句尾，突出妈妈在旅途中的快乐。“a gorgeous sight came into our view”“A sense of hunger pushed us to...”两句都是用物作主语，从客观的视角来描述画面以及人物心理的变化，非常符合英式思维。用“Nothing could be compared with”的固定短语将句子重心转移到尾部的“family time”和“absent-minded,forgetful but sweet and loving mom”，形式新颖、用语地道。

英文原著阅读是以读促写的重要演练场，只有拥有了明确的演练目标才能够在原著阅读中拾得珍宝。从结构完整性以及语言丰富性上去借鉴他人的成果，便能使自己在写作中有所进益。结构是表现中心思想的框架，它突出重点、内容简洁，而丰富的语言能够增添表达的感染力，两者统一于写作过程中。结构是根茎、语言是枝叶花，都为思想之实服务。而写作水平这颗果实将在原著阅读的土壤中汲取营养，在重复多次的写作实践中悄然成长。