复盘读后续写命题过程 提升读后续写命题水平

浙江

作为新高考题型，读后续写对于广大考生来说是非常难的，但是实际上命题教师在命制这一题型时面临的困难更加巨大。有鉴于此，笔者将结合一次印象深刻的读后续写试题命题经历详细复盘这一题型的命题过程，从素材选取、语篇改写和成果呈现三个具体步骤来进行阐述。下面笔者将逐一讲述，希望通过这一分享能够对广大命题教师在这一题型命题方面有所启示，以期能够帮助大家共同提高读后续写命题水平，使更高质量的读后续写试题不断涌现。

一、读后续写的素材选取

命制读后续写试题的第一步也是至关重要的一步就是寻找合适的素材。首先，经过统计，笔者发现浙江省新高考至今考查的五篇读后续写中，没有一篇是说明文、议论文或者应用文，每一篇都是使用一般过去时态的叙事类文章，显而易见，读后续写的命题文本体裁应是记叙文。其次，2016 年10 月浙江省高考英语读后续写的话题内容是“夫妻吵架，别后重逢”，2017 年6 月浙江省高考英语读后续写的话题内容是“旅途遇险，获救逃生”，2017 年11 月浙江省高考英语读后续写的话题内容是“母亲健忘，爱心满满”，2018 年6 月浙江省高考英语读后续写的话题内容是“农场参观，迷路得返”，2020 年1 月浙江省高考英语读后续写的话题内容仍然是围绕家庭的，即“宠物情深，克服孤独”。综合来看，读后续写的话题一般是贴近个人生活的，以问题产生和方法解决作为逻辑主线，所以在选材时笔者有意避免政治或者宗教等敏感的内容，重点从家庭生活入手，选择尽量带有诸如“kindness”“bravery”“creativity”“optimism”等正能量的语料。最后，考虑到如果将历年高考试题或各省模拟试题中的读后续写或其他题型，如阅读理解、完形填空、语法填空进行改编，就会让做过相应试题的学生占利，造成一定程度上的不公平，影响考试的信度和效度，所以读后续写的命题应坚持原创。因此，笔者把寻找范围缩小，重点在主流核心英语网站上寻找素材，首先确定主题“optimism”,然后延展出相关句子“上帝为你关上一扇门的同时会为你打开一扇窗”，通过检索关键词“a door”“opened”，终于在http://www.schwab-stories.com/english/framesets/frameset_Door.html 上找到如下一篇文章：

When a Door Opened...

and a new light came into their lives!

A tribute to our friends

I used to work in Southern California in a fully air-conditioned building without windows.Inside,the neon lights illuminated the linearly arranged workbenches and all the machines.When the workday was over and employees began to leave,the heavy steel door opened for a few moments and the light of the bright California sun came in.When I left,I saw the green,tree-covered hills behind the factory building.Then,driving home,I saw the wide and wonderful,blue Pacific Ocean and the beautifully curving Santa Monica Bay.What a blessing if a door opens on our life and lets new light come in.Most of our lives do not run along the same track or drift slowly to new directions.Sometimes,at a certain moment,a door opens,and a new light falls onto our lives—as if giving us a new life! Leaving high school and entering college was such a moment for me.Or leaving college and starting a real job with interesting work and good colleagues.Much to my surprise,the beginning of retirement was such a moment for me and for many people,but,unfortunately,it is not for all.Let me talk about my friends who can be role models for many.（1）

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She was petite,with dark eyes and black hair,and a radiant charm.He was a little taller,with gray eyes,rather a type of northern France,and a bit reserved.

They started a small travel agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium that featured an undulating lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.（2）

Thus went week after week and year after year.Don’t you have to be grateful for a decent life and harmony?

Eventually,they began to think of retirement—if only they could sell their business at a good price—and hoped for a quiet life in their little apartment.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.A small picture showed a view of some scenery they knew very well,but they agreed that the picture was not very well done.As they left the show,they passed a stand selling art supplies.Marie stopped and looked,obviously interested.Paul,ever the gentleman,purchased some colors,some brushes,and a canvas for Marie.What a wonderful day! Marie kissed Paul,and they went home hand-in-hand.

After only two weekends,Marie produced quite an acceptable little picture of the same scenery,only a bit nicer.The two promptly hung it in their office,where it earned the applause of several customers.They explained to them that it provided a dream of nature in their matter-of-fact office world.

When the end of the business year came,work overwhelmed them,and Paul and Marie had no time for any distractions.But later,as the beautiful spring of the southern climate progressed,Marie returned to her painting and created two more pictures in quick succession.（3）

Paul took great pleasure in Marie’s work.Being a practical person and in order to contribute something,he began making frames for her pictures.He purchased the proper tools and found a source of artistic moldings.The combination of Marie’s pictures and Paul’s frames was perfect.

One day,it happened that a client of theirs was in the office and wanted to purchase one of Marie’s pictures.At that moment they realized that their lives had taken a turn,and a new light had come into their lives.

Their business finally sold,and their life in retirement began.Marie painted more.She even dared to participate in a local public art exhibit.（4）She was promptly awarded a nice little prize! This encouraged Paul to rent some space in an abandoned store and mount a short exhibit of Marie’s paintings.This turned out to be a considerable success,was written up in the local paper,and many people visited the show.

Later in the year,when a regional art exhibit came along,Marie was invited to exhibit her work,and her paintings garnered yet another prize,this one more prestigious.Not to be overlooked was the fact that Paul’s frames for Marie’s paintings were part of the success.

And more successful exhibits in various parts of France followed.

Then something unexpected occurred.Paul had a dream of traveling on a train pulled by one of his little toy locomotives that he had sitting on that shelf in their apartment.

The next day,Paul took down that specific locomotive,which represented a historic French steam engine of Provence,and held it in his hand for a while.Not too long before,he had read a book of short stories about traveling.His mind began to develop the dream he had had the night before into a wonderful little story.He told Marie about the story.

Later that day,she came home from some errands with a wonderful blank diary book and an equally nice pen.She put them down in front of Paul and smiled at him.Paul kissed Marie,and they held hands for a moment.

By dinnertime,Paul had written out several paragraphs of his story,and he read them to Marie.She approved of them enthusiastically.Had their lives taken a new turn? Had a new light come into their lives?

When Paul finished his story about the historic train,he sent it off to some friends.Their reactions were encouraging.Soon,Paul wrote a second story and a third one.

The modern world offers many surprises.A friend of Marie and Paul put Paul’s stories on a Web site,provided with a suitable title and subtitle to facilitate the stories being found through Google by people interested in travel on historic trains in France,or just by any amateur of historic trains.

Within a short time,many people from different countries—from France,from Canada,from French speakers in the United States,from the area of the former colonies of France,and from vacationers anywhere—read Paul’s stories on the internet.His name became known：when typing only his name into Google,the reader was directed to his stories.

On the side,Paul began to visit and study the areas where those historic trains had circulated or were still in use.He learned all about their history and geography.Soon he was an expert in those fields of knowledge.Most importantly,he met local people in those areas,learning about their lives and,thereby,enriched his stories.

Last summer,Eva and I visited with Marie and Paul.They were perfect hosts for a delightful meal at their apartment.Before we left,I asked if I could take a photo of them.But the light in the apartment was just not bright enough.

We opened the door to their balcony,and the warm,golden rays of a wonderful afternoon sun of Provence came into their apartment.

It almost looked as if the light was then emanating from them.

We cherish this almost symbolic photo and remain fond of our friends.（5）

此素材基本符合命题要求的原因有三：①它是有人物和故事情节的记叙文；②它的主题比较正能量；③它从未被命制过任何试题。

二、读后续写的语篇改写

选好素材后，笔者主要遵循以下三个命题原则改写语篇，使语篇能够初步符合命题标准。

1.语篇适当原则

语篇适当原则指语篇长度必须符合高考英语的考查要求，既不能过分冗长远超词数，也不能非常简约词数不够，鉴于上述原始素材词数达到了1 368，远远超过了读后续写500 左右的词数要求（阅读部分大约350 词 +写作部分大约150 词），笔者删除了开篇部分介绍作者的背景材料（1）和语篇中间一些过于细致的描写部分，如描写男主人公Paul 的爱好的部分（2）和他的爱好发展部分（5）以及女主人公作品参加展览的情节（4），使语篇整体显得更加精练。

2.主题适当原则

主题适当原则是指读后续写的命题应通过各种情节起伏凸显诸如“kindness”“bravery”“creativity”“optimism”等积极向上的主题，从而达到启迪学生、传播正能量的目的。在命题过程中我们应通过改编使各类原始语篇具备或者强化这一主题。就本语篇来看，原始主题是Paul 和Marie 这对夫妇在功成名就后充分享受自己的兴趣爱好，安度晚年（3）。这一主题没有偏离社会的主流价值观，但是距离培养学生积极进取的世界观、人生观和价值观这一育人目标还很远，所以笔者进行大胆改动，把主题转变成了Paul 和Marie 在面对人生困难时凭借自己的兴趣特长扭转人生命运，重点聚焦Marie 的乐观和创新，从而使主题更符合高考立德树人的目标。

3.语言适当原则

语言适当原则是指高考英语读后续写题，所选用语篇的语言应符合各地区高中学生的实际语言水平。词汇、句式等的难度既不能远远超过学生的实际掌握水平，也不能过分降低考查难度，以致难以反映学生的实际语言水平。高考英语读后续写题的原文大多来自于外网，可能包含一些生僻词汇或地道用语，但从历年高考英语读后续写试题的原文可以看出，除了少数专有名词无法避免外，最后成文所选用的词汇和句型都符合高中学生的实际水平。因此，就本语篇而言，笔者对原文语言做了如下处理：

①在词汇方面，给出了resort（度假地）和atrium（中庭）两个生僻单词的中文注释，删除了petite,radiant charm,undulating 和promptly 等难度过高、不符合高考水平的单词。

②在句型方面，把“Thus went week after week and year after year.Don’t you have to be grateful for a decent life and harmony? ”这两句简单句浓缩为时间状语从句和现在分词短语结构作结果状语的高级句型：Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency（时间状语从句）,causing a heavy financial loss to them（现在分词短语结构作结果状语）.

在以上三条改写原则的指导下，笔者初步完成了如下读后续写试题的命制：

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort（度 假 地）on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She had dark eyes and black hair while he was a little taller,with gray eyes.

They started a small trade agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.①

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium（中 庭） ②that featured a beautiful lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.③

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.Actually Marie had been interested in drawing and painting since she was a little girl ④but her busy work wasapparentlythe barrier for her to seek her enthusiasm.

Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency,⑤causing a heavy financial loss to them.⑥One of their ships,carryinga variety ofgoods,knocked into a floating iceberg on its trip to America.As a result,the ship got wrecked with all its goods and staff on board.When the couple heard the bad news about their ship they burst into tears.Paul became greatly depressed while Marie,who felt less desperate then,tried her best to calm him down by saying that everything would be alright as long as they didn’t lose heart.⑦Gradually,Paul managed to calm himself down and began toface reality.Consequently,they had no choice but to close their agency and stop working.

However,they had some difficulties in supporting themselves.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.

针对本语篇的改写，笔者进行了以下三方面的具体考虑：

1.从语篇适当原则上考虑浓缩语篇，本篇文章词数为444，达到了语篇词数要求。

2.从主题适当原则上考虑删除了Paul 和Marie 功成名就安享退休生活的情节，增加了事业遇阻⑤⑥和情绪非常沮丧⑦的内容，目的是增加故事冲突，凸显主题“optimism”的重要性。

3.从语言适当原则上考虑增加了高级词汇，如“apparently”“a variety of ”和“face reality”，也保留或增加了不少高级句型，如非谓语动词短语①⑥、独立主格结构②、定语从句③、状语从句④⑤。

三、读后续写的命题成果

经过了素材选取、语篇改写两个步骤后，笔者从语篇内容的紧凑性、主题的鲜明正向性、范文语言的高级性以及范文情节的合理性四个角度字斟句酌，最终成文如下：

Paul and Marie lived in Hossegor,a fashionable seaside resort（度 假 地）on the Atlantic coast of southern France.They were both in their late fifties.She had dark eyes and black hair while he was a little taller,with gray eyes,

They started a small trade agency.Through hard work over many years of their younger life,they established themselves against fierce competition.They always worked many hours every day together in their office,often until late into the night,even on weekends,knowing that only very good work would provide them with loyal customers and success.

After a while,they were able to buy a pretty little apartment in a modern building with a balcony overlooking a large and beautiful,green atrium（中庭）that featured a beautiful lawn,some decorative bushes all around,some trees here and there,a small pond in the middle,and even a decorative fountain.

Inside their apartment,everything was very tidy,yet a bit artistic.There were some nice pictures on the walls—dreams of beauty in nature—and on a glass shelf,Paul’s collection of toy locomotives,symbols of his dreams of exciting travel.Actually Marie had been interested in drawing and painting since she was a little girl but her busy work was apparently the barrier for her to seek her enthusiasm.

Thus went week after week and year after year until a terrible accident happened to their agency,causing a heavy financial loss to them.One of their ships,carrying a variety of goods,knocked into a floating iceberg on its trip to America.As a result,the ship got wrecked with all its goods and staff on board.When the couple heard the bad news about their ship they burst into tears.Paul became greatly depressed while Marie,who felt less desperate then,tried her best to calm him down by saying that everything would be alright as long as they didn’t lose heart.Gradually,Paul managed to calm himself down and began to face reality.Consequently,they had no choice but to close their agency and stop working.

However,they had some difficulty in supporting themselves.

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.

【范文】

Paragraph 1

However,they had some difficulty in supporting themselves.In reality they were unable to afford some necessities in life such as food and clothes,let alone the luxuries that they had been used to possessing.Gradually Paul came up with an idea to sell their apartment to overcome the financial obstacles but it was rejected by Marie instantly.After all,the apartment meant a lot to them and selling it was apparently unbearable.However,what other ways could they find to solve the problem?

Paragraph 2

One day they went to an art exhibit in town.There they saw a picture about a scene of their town but they agreed that it was not impressive.No sooner had Marie returned home than she set about drawing a picture about the same scene.Surprisingly Paul praised her for it and encouraged her to draw more,which greatly increased her confidence.What was more satisfying to them was that a friend offered to purchase it at a high price.It was then that the turning point of their life really arrived.(159 words)

读后续写的命题工作是一项充满艺术性，并且需要较高业务素质的任务，它要求命题老师既要有扎实的专业知识和较强的英语能力，还要具备水滴石穿的韧性和打破常规的创新意识，只有具备以上四项必要素质才能最终完成一篇让人耳目一新的高质量读后续写试题，殷切期望笔者本次读后续写命题的复盘过程能够起到抛砖引玉的作用，促成更多更高质量的读后续写试题的命制。