The Fading Fad of Sweet Nothings

By Mao Li

Whispering sweet nothings to a loved one is becoming a fading fad.

This is the conclusion I reached when I glanced at some captions and illustrations of a certain popular TV series reposted on a friend’s WeChat moments. These clips claimed to be the stepwise guide for the moody literary youths on how to utter saccharine words to a lover. I clicked on it,only to find shallow words, like“You’re pretty, Yue’er,” “I don’t dare speak to you,” and “I’ll speak to you even if you don’t speak to me.”

How can such shallow words be counted as sweet nothings? This is simply evidence that indicates the plummeting IQ of ordinary men and women in love. Every day, they say something like “I love you, I miss you,” “I love you so much, I miss you so much,”“you’re so beautiful and I’m so fond of you”… Yet, the clichés they’re never tired of uttering are simply too much for bystanders,and in hindsight, the cheesy words are as transient as a fleeting cloud, and seem rather plain and boring.

So what are the real sweet nothings? They are the words that give you a warm feeling when you think of them later in your life—even if your love is gone. They are more than the words “I love you.”They must have a noble sensation that leave a deeper pain and intense love upon both partners.

Once I read someone’s message saying that a man in love should say no more than three sentences to a woman, that is,“You’re gorgeous,” “You’re slim,” and“Buy it if you like.” I couldn’t help laughing to myself. It seems to declare that as long as a lady boasts good looks and a pleasant figure, she can conquer the whole world, including possessing true love.

But is it really the case? Carrie Bradshaw, the protagonist of the American TV seriesSex and the City, can afford hundreds of brand-named shoes, yet is still obsessed with love affairs. The socalled desires are merely born out of love.

情话是一门失传的艺术。

之所以得出这个结论，起因是朋友圈里有人转发热门电视剧配图，号称文艺青年情话指南。点进去一看，几句情话实在简陋得吓人：“月儿好看。”“月儿是好看。”“我不理你了。”“你不理我，我还是要理你的。”

这样粗浅的话，怎么能算作情话？这不过是凡俗情侣恋爱时智商急剧下跌的明证。每天都是爱你、想你，超级爱你、超级想你，你花容月貌、我一往情深……相爱的人不嫌弃用滥的词，旁观者只觉得太腻。再想想这些甜言蜜语，之后也不过是过眼云烟，顿觉没什么意思。

情话是什么？情话是即便感情消失，在某个忽然回忆起他的时间点，心里也仍然一暖。除了“我爱你”之外，还享受过稍微不一样的高级感受，然后痛得更深，想得更烈。

曾经有个读者留言，说男人最好只说三句话：好看，不胖，买吧。看完哑然失笑，似乎对于一个当代女性来说，只要我漂亮、身材好，就能征服世界、征服一切，包括爱情。

是不是这样呢？美剧《欲望都市》里女主角凯莉买上几百双几百美元的鞋，依然要为爱情纠结不休。所谓欲望，不过就是跟爱有关的一切。

好几年前，谈过一次非常热烈的恋爱，每天都要发短信说：爱你，想你。甚至觉得言语不过瘾的时候，买张机票呼啦一下就把人送过去。

后来想想，情话之所以会消失，大概就是因为现在通信和交通都太发达，经不起长一点点的等待和发酵。爱他，就要马上跟他在一起。所有情感专栏都会告诉你，言语是无力的、苍白的，男人是最会说谎的生物，不要听他话，要眼见为实。

Quite a few years ago, I was absorbed in a deep and passionate relationship. During that time, I never missed a day texting him “I love you. I miss you.” Moreover,when we found that words could not satiate our cravings for each other, I’d even buy a plane ticket in the spur of the moment and meet him in person.

But later, when I think it over seriously, I suspect that it is probably modern communication services and high-speed transportation that have gradually wiped out sweet nothings. Life is too short to put things off, or to waste time being apart. If you love someone, you should be with him or her at once. The love columns of any magazine will tell you that words are powerless when it comes to love, and men are twotongued creatures, so never listen to what he says, only trust what he does.

Yet, if there is a man in the world who is willing to lie a hundred times only to make you happy, how can it not be love?

In the BBC television seriesDoctor Foster, the protagonist,Simon Foster, who always cheats on his wife, says bitterly, bowing his head, “People say that the perfect story is that you meet this one person and fall completely in love, and then from that moment,you don’t need anything else.Despite the fact that the world keeps changing... Your work,your house and everything alters,you’re expected to stick with just this one person.”

What he implies throughout the show is the question: “How is it possible not to change? How can I love only one woman in my life?”

You see, love is so fragile, but truly romantic words will endure forever.

The love letters written by Zhu Shenghao, a scholar known for his translation of Shakespeare’s works, best depict what the real sweet nothings are. Every single line in his letters has a perfect one, such as “I wake up each morning and find how much I love you,” “I wish to have a small fight with you, and I wish to hold you,”“Tell me who is better, a pet kitten or me?” “I never worry about you growing old, as I’m sure you’ll be more adorable at that age,” and“We’re like a fifth wheel to the world, but at least we’re the whole world for each other.”

Zhu Shenghao’s sweet love words match closely with those of Wang Xiaobo, a renowned novelist in modern China. Their love letters prompt people into an innocent love relationship with their heart and soul.

You may consider it a happy life to drench yourself in compliments like “You’re gorgeous,” “You’re slim,” and “Buy it if you like.” At least you’ll know that someone cares about you, loves you, and is willing to pay for you, and the two of you will spend the rest of your time together. Just as what the Japanese writer Haruki Murakami says, “Love is a joy only to be found in an ordinary life.”

But sweet nothings make a difference.

Maybe after the end of a sevenyear relationship, there is nothing left but a single sentence. But it is that sentence that makes you understand the true meaning of love—it is always worthwhile striving for it.

Perhaps many years ago,when you heard sweet words for the first time, you realized how deep your love was. Even if you are now single, you are mentally interlinked with someone far away.

Yet ultimately, whispering sweet nothings have become a fading fad. No one will rack their brains again for romantic words aimed only to please their loved ones. Sweet nothings have been commercialized, and are printed on some beautifully wrapped gift with an expensive price tag to demonstrate that your love is no longer intangible.

I miss sweet nothings.

可是，如果这世上有一个男人，愿意为你撒上一百个谎，也未尝不是一种爱。

英剧《出轨的爱人》里，擅长且多次出轨的男主角，痛苦地低着头说：这个世界上什么都在变，工作会变、生活会变、城市会变，但人们总是告诉你，一辈子只能爱一个人，这个人永远不能变。男主角的言外之意是：这怎么可能呢？我怎么可能爱一个女人永远不变？

你看，爱情就是这么脆弱，可是情话可以永远保存啊。

翻译莎士比亚的学者朱生豪，在他被曝光的情书里，每一句都是最美情话。他写“醒来觉得甚是爱你”，写“我渴望和你打架，也渴望抱抱你”，写“回答我几个问题，我与小猫哪个好”，写“不要愁老之将至，你老了一定很可爱”，写“我们都是世上多余的人，但至少我们对于彼此都是世界最重要的人”。

这情话，跟王小波的情书一样，叫人想跟他们一样，去痛快、单纯、热烈地爱一场。

“好看”“不胖”“买吧”是所谓的幸福生活，因为你知道那个人疼你，喜欢你，愿意为你买单。你们将携手度过人生。村上春树也说，爱是“唯其平凡才有的乐趣”。

可情话啊，是不同的。

可能你跟一个人交往，一段七年的感情过后，就只剩下那么一句。但就是这句话，让你明白，爱情没什么值得不值得。

那一年你收到那样的情话，发现自己是那样被爱的人；虽然一个人生活着，灵魂却有了相通的接口。

然而，情话终究成了一门失传的艺术。没有人再想破脑袋，只为给别人一句爱的惊喜。情话已经变成一门生意，被商人们印在包装精美的礼品上，让你付出一个昂贵的价格来证明，这不是虚妄的爱。

我怀念情话。