“谈”何容易

People natter on all the time. Their mouths open and the words just come out. Simple， isnt it？Unfortunately that isnt the case for about 1% of the population who suffer from a stammer. When I stammer， I experience a sort of block， as though the words are caught in my throat. I know exactly what I want to say; I just cant articulate it. Sometimes I feel the block coming and at other times its totally unexpected. The block creates anxiety which makes the problem worse， so I stammer even more. Its a vicious cycle.

My stammer was always something I tried to forget about. When I did stammer in everyday situations， I just tried to move on and forget about it. I didnt see the point of dwelling too long on something that felt out of my control. Sometimes there are days when I barely do it， and days when it affects me a lot. Its very unpredictable. In certain situations I stammer more than on a regular day， for instance when Im tired or excited. My stammer is most noticeable when Im talking to groups or a large number of people; the anxiety and pressure are immense.

Ive had a stammer ever since Ive been able to talk， so of course my mum was concerned. She took me to an NHS speech therapist. From the little I remember of it， it didnt have any effect. I have vague memories of practicing various alliterated words over and over. My 7-year-old self wasnt having any of that， so the next step was a private therapist where I made more progress. She taught me techniques to reduce some of the extra symptoms associated with stammering such as rolling my head， tapping my feet as a way to push words out and lack of eye contact. A lot of stammerers often have eye contact problems， because they dont want to see the expression on the face of the person theyre trying to talk to. However， that bit of therapy didnt fix the stammer itself.

My mum then discovered The Starfish Project， where I was taught a costal breathing technique. Its actually the same breath used when you sing; strangely enough， nobody stammers when they sing. So when I speak with that breath， it helps to control the stammer. The key word here is control， not cure. For me， my stammer is probably always going to be there， but at least I have something to help me keep it under control.

The best thing about the course is that unlike other speech therapies， they dont just arm you with a method and send you packing. They also know that itll be hard to use it in daily life， so theres a support network out there to help keep the technique working.

That didnt necessarily mean happiness ever after. Even after that， things havent been totally smooth sailing， I havent always kept up with the technique and it has failed many times. I go back to Starfish to teach others once or twice a year， which acts as a sort of reminder; however， that never really lasts long and when I didnt consciously try to keep up the technique or forgot， soon my speech started to stammer again. Costal breathing isnt a way of breathing that comes naturally， so it can be hard to keep it up.

As Im approaching 18， the prospect of interviews and the real world has been a real driving force. I attend a local support group for people who have been on the Starfish course， and have used every method I can think of to bring it into daily life. Ive put reminders on my bedroom wall， on my desktop background and Im even considering getting a small tattoo of a starfish on my wrist. Just anything to make sure that this doesnt slip away and I fall back to old habits. Fingers crossed that one day the technique will be second nature and when I talk the talk itll be just as easy as walking the walk.

人與人之间始终在闲聊着。一张嘴，话就出来了。这不是很简单吗？然而不幸的是，对于那些占据了世界总人数1%的患有口吃的人来说，这并非易事。当我结结巴巴地说一句话时，我会感受到一种阻塞，仿佛话语卡在了喉咙里。我完全知道自己想表达什么，可就是难以清清楚楚地说出来。有时我能感受到那种阻塞，但有时它来得毫无征兆。这种阻塞会让人感到焦虑不安，因此我口吃的毛病也变得更加严重。这是一个恶性循环。

我一直想把我口吃的毛病抛诸脑后。每当我说话结巴时，我就努力地忘记它，直接把话说下去。我觉得老是想着控制不了的问题完全没有意义。有时我好几天都不太会口吃，而有时却深受其害。这是很难预测的。某些情况下，例如在我疲惫或者兴奋的时候，我结巴的问题会比平时更严重。在和一大群人交谈时，我结巴得最明显，因为我感觉到了极大的焦虑和压力。

自我学会说话以来，我就有口吃的毛病，因而我妈妈也非常担忧。她带我到了语言治疗中心接受治疗。我依稀记得，治疗完全没有效果。我也模糊记得自己试过反复练习朗读不同的连绵词语。直到七岁，我的口吃问题依旧没有得到一丝缓解，于是我又接受了一位私人语言治疗师的治疗，这使得问题得到了些许改善。治疗师教给我一些技巧来减轻口吃带来的不良症状，例如摇头、以踏脚的方式蹦出话来以及避免眼神交流。很多口吃患者往往会有眼神交流方面的问题，因为他们不想看到对话者脸上的表情。然而，那一点点的治疗难以根本解决口吃问题本身。

随后，我妈妈找到了“海星计划”。在课程里，我学到了胸式呼吸法。这实际上和你唱歌时的呼吸完全一样。奇怪的是，唱歌的时候没有人会犯口吃。所以当我用这种呼吸法说话的时候，我口吃的问题得到了控制。这里我所强调的是控制，而不是治愈。对我来说，口吃问题大概会一直在那，但至少我能通过一些方法来控制它。

与其他语言治疗师不同，这个课程的老师不是只教会了你方法就打发你，这也是这个课程最棒的地方。老师们还知道在日常生活中学生很难运用到胸式呼吸法。因此，课堂以外还有网络资源帮助学生熟悉这种方法。

学会了这种方法，也不一定意味着以后的生活会更加美好，往后的道路也不完全一帆风顺。我并不能常常用上它，也失败过很多次。每年我都会回海星一两次去教其他人胸式呼吸法，以此来巩固这个方法。然而，那并没持续太久，一旦我没有有意识地去使用这种方法，或是忘记了，很快我又开始口吃。胸式呼吸法不是平常自然的呼吸方法，所以要坚持下去是有些困难的。

我快要18岁了，对各种面试和外面世界的憧憬，是我的驱动力。我参加了一个为那些曾在“海星计划”上课的学生而设的地方支援组织，也千方百计地想在日常生活中运用胸式呼吸法来摆脱口吃。我在卧室的墙上和电脑桌面背景上提醒自己要控制口吃，甚至考虑在自己的手腕上纹一个小海星图案。我会做任何事来确保自己不会忘记胸式呼吸法、不会再犯坏毛病。祈愿将来这种方法能够成为我的第二天性，那么我说话时就会和走路一样简单。