Alvin and the Chipmunks

Translated by Zhu Yaguang

Catskin

Rat A says,“I can’t live a day without eating rat poison.”

Rat B says,“My toes itch if I don’t step on a mouse trap.”

Rat C says,“Did you see my blanket? It’s made of catskin.”

Lion

A rat says happily,“Great! My buddy got married!”

“Who is your buddy?” asked another rat.

“The lion!” replied the first rat.

“Are you crazy? How can a lion be your buddy?”

“No,I’m not.I was a brave lion myself before getting married!” said the rat.

Air Hostess

A middle-aged rat was bereft of his wife,and,as he aged,he married a young bat as his second wife.The old rat was proud of having the young and beautiful wife.Yet,other rats gossiped about it behind his back,“Look at the old codger! Isn’t it too late for him to be a playboy? And he even married a thing with wings.”

When the words reached the rat’s ears,he snorted contemptuously,“What’s wrong with marrying a bat? At least she’s an air hostess!”

吹牛

大老鼠说：“我一天不吃老鼠药，胃里就难受。”

二老鼠说：“我一会儿不踩老鼠夹，这脚趾头就痒。”

三老鼠说：“看到我的褥子了吗，猫皮做的。”

狮子

一只老鼠高兴地说：“太好了，我的兄弟结婚了。”

“你的兄弟是谁？”另一只老鼠问道。

“狮子啊！”那只老鼠答道。

“有没有搞错，狮子怎么会是你兄弟？”

“你不知道，我没结婚以前也是一只勇猛的狮子！”那只老鼠说。

空姐

一只老鼠中年丧妻，老年时，娶一只年轻的蝙蝠小姐为妻子。年迈的老鼠守着娇妻，非常得意。可是，别的老鼠背后议论：“这老家伙，一把年纪还这么花，居然娶一只长翅膀的蝙蝠。”

话传到年迈的老鼠耳中，它非常不屑地哼了一声，大声说：“蝙蝠怎么了？我们家这位，再怎么也是一空姐儿。”

本科生

某大学宿舍经常被老鼠光顾。学校知道后，给学生们分发了老鼠药，可无一只老鼠中计。

Bachelors

A university dorm was frequently plagued by rats.When the university got the news,they sent out rat poison to the students.Unfortunately,no rats fell for the trap.

The students came up with an idea.They mixed a bag of peanut kernels with the rat poison as the lure.The next day when the students got up,they found that the peanut kernels were gone,but the rat poison was still there.They let out a sigh,and said,“The rats in our dorm must have a bachelor’s degree!”

Wine Contest

An American,a French,and a Chinese were having a house party.Each of them brought a typical wine of their country,and they all claimed that their wine was the strongest.

Then the American proposed,“Let’s swap our drinks to see whose wine is the strongest!”

The French said,“But if we all get drunk,then we won’t know the answer.”

The Chinese came up with an idea,“Why not try them on three rats?”

So they found three rats.The American fed the first rat with a cup of California Whiskey,and the rat whirled around,and fell with a flop.“Nice! Nice!” cheered the crowd.

The French fed the second rat with a cup of Sauvignon Blanc,and the rat also fell after swinging for a little while.“Bravo! Bravo!” complimented the crowd.

The Chinese fed the last rat with a cup of Hengshui Laobaigan Liquor.After finishing the drink,the rat licked its lips,turned around,and staggered back to the rat hole.

While the three were puzzled,the rat came out,holding a cleaver with its claws,and shouted,“Holy Crap! Where is the cat?”

学生们想了个办法，将一包花生仁和老鼠药混在一起诱其上当。第二天，他们起床后发现，花生仁一颗不剩，而老鼠药一颗都没少，不由得感叹：大学宿舍里的老鼠也都是本科生！

比酒

美国人、法国人和中国人在一起搞家庭舞会，每人都拿了一瓶自己国家的酒，并且都称自己国家的酒厉害。

美国人于是提议：“我们换酒喝，看看究竟谁的酒最厉害！”

法国人说：“如果都醉倒了，就说不清楚谁的酒最厉害了。”

中国人出了个主意：“我们用3 只老鼠来试就行了。”

于是，众人就找来3 只老鼠。美国人首先给第一只老鼠喝了一杯加州威士忌，老鼠打了个圈圈，“扑通”倒地。——厉害，厉害！大家喝彩。

法国人接着给第二只老鼠喝了一杯巴黎干白。老鼠晃了晃，也倒了。——霸道，霸道！众人齐赞。

中国人给最后一只老鼠喝了一杯衡水老白干。老鼠喝完咂咂嘴儿，一转身钻回洞里。

3 人正惊愕间，忽见那只老鼠手提一把菜刀从洞里钻了出来，大喊一声：“他妈的，猫在哪儿呢？”