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2018-10-27陕西富平县迤山中学高一陈家琪指导老师倚月芬

疯狂英语·新悦读 2018年10期

陕西富平县迤山中学高一（1）班陈家琪指导老师倚月芬

Dear Mrs Ji，

As Mother’s Day is approaching,I want to express my gratitude to you for the great contributions you have made since I was born.

You are the greatest person in my life.It has been a long time since I wrote to you last time.As the saying goes,“A letter unites people like nothing else；it can make them cry；it can make them laugh.” You like writing,and I’ve heard from you for several times in the past decade.To tell you the truth,the letters you sent to me are all carefully preserved.Every time I read these letters,there will be “strange feelings ”crowding in.So I cherish the memories of your letters in my heart.Being a responsible and considerate mother is not easy,I know.And I have to admit that we sometimes have disagreements,but you are always on my side.

You are also the best instructor in my career.You,my great mother,are always leading me to my bright future.You have taught me a lot,not only in my study,but also in every respect of my life.You taught me to share,to be kind,to be honest and to be grateful.Without your guidance,I wouldn’t make any great progress in my life.So I want to send you something special on this special day.I will just write down these sentences for you to express my genuine feelings.

I am proud that I have such an outstanding mum.Like the sun,you light up the way forward for me.Like the vehicle,you drive me to anywhere I want to go.For years you are always on my side,supporting me and encouraging me to do things that I dare not do.Life is hard,but it is you that give me confidence to carry on,holding a positive attitude towards life.

You are the best mum that a son has ever had.You are the most splendid woman that I have ever known.Happy Mother’s Day,my mum.

Yours sincerely,

Jiaqi

老师点评

5月13日适逢母亲节。我很欣慰，陈家琪同学能以一份特殊的礼物给妈妈带来最美的惊喜和感动。

这篇文章呈现了诸多亮点。

一、语言扎实、表达丰富

通览全文，不难看出小作者语言功底扎实，文字生动，行文流畅，层次井然，篇章连贯性好，高级句型应用也是恰如其分。比如在第1段应用了状语从句和定语从句，第2段使用了since引导的状语从句，as引导非限制性定语从句，every time引导的时间状语从句，非谓语动词crowding in以及强调句型都生动地表达了作者记忆中的珍贵画面和感恩之情。

二、善用修辞、彰显底蕴

文章有效地使用了过渡词和排比句，并能恰到好处地引用名句，体现了小作者的综合素养。比如“As the saying goes ‘A letter unites people like nothing else；it can make them cry；it can make them laugh.’”文中出现多个比喻排比使文章增色，如 “Like the sun,you light up the way forward for me.Like the vehicle,you drive me to any-where I want to go.”

三、笔调轻松、情感饱满

从情感表达角度看，通篇文字情感饱满，笔调轻松自然，“Life is hard,but it is you that give me confidence to carry on,holding a positive attitude towards life.”流畅地将对母亲的爱表达得淋漓尽致。文章结尾处“You are the best mum that a son has ever had.You are the most splendid woman that I have ever known.”将对母亲的爱推向高潮！