Humor in Germany

By Ergongzi

Translation by Wang Xiaoke

Humor in Germany

By Ergongzi

Translation by Wang Xiaoke

“The two slimmest books in the world are a British cookbook and a book of German jokes.”

I used to ask some of my British friends, “Can you please show me your delicious food?”Those eloquent gentlemen suddenly lost their flowery way of speaking. Some of them replied politely, “That is a good question; however, you probably won’t like the answer.” Other times they said, “You’re actually trying to introduce your famous food in China, aren’t you?” Anyway, the limited contents of British recipes might have been proven.

But do Germans really have no sense of humor?

To be honest, the Germans I know do crack jokes. Once when I was asking to buy some deli salad in a supermarket in Frankfurt, a young salesperson behind the counter encouraged me to have a foretaste. I thought one of the samples was good, and then scooped up some of it with a tablespoon to settle the account. The guy swiftly packed and weighed my salad. When he gave the pack to me, he pointed to something on it. I was shocked to see a price tag of 100 euros.

“Oh, in this case I will pass,” I said.

“Come on. It’s worth it to pay for something you really like.”

“No, thanks.” The price was just ridiculous.

The young man did not give up. “You’ve tasted the samples and I offered my service of packing and weighing it. A good gentleman would buy it.”

I was kind of annoyed and prepared to argue, but the salesperson burst into laughter, and took out another price tag of 5 euros. Then I saw the other guys behind the counter laughing as well. Yeah,that was a good one.

不知道谁这么尖刻，说世界上最薄的两本书，一本是英国人的食谱，另一本就是德国人的笑话集。

关于第一点，我曾旁敲侧击地跟我认识的英国人求证：“快跟我说说，你们那儿有什么好吃的？”碰到这个问题，这些平时口若悬河、英文辞藻华丽的大不列颠人基本上不正面回答。他们有的很礼貌地说：“这是个很好的问题，但是答案可能你不喜欢。”或者反问我：“你是想告诉我中国有多少美食吗？”看来英国食物乏善可陈这个说法确实……可是德国人真的没有幽默感吗？

实际上，我生活中接触的德国人，还挺爱开玩笑的。有一次我在法兰克福超市，想买点即食色拉，柜台后面的一个服务员小伙子示意我可以几种都尝尝。我吃到其中一款觉得不错，就舀了几大勺子给他称分量算钱。服务员很快包好色拉、称好重量，递给我时特地指了指价格标签。我接过色拉不禁吓了一跳，这点东西要100欧元。算了，太贵，我表示不要了。可是服务员说：“你既然觉得很好吃，付出这个价钱是值得的。”“不，谢谢。”我心里说，超市再好吃的东西，卖上百欧元也太离谱了。小伙子温柔且坚持：“你尝过了，称好了，不买，这不太好。”我有点急了，于是拉起架势，想据理力争，抗拒强买强卖。看我认真起来，服务员扑哧笑了，又拿出个标签：5欧元。看到柜台后面的其他服务员都在“嘿嘿”地笑，我知道中招了，只好跟着笑了。看他给色拉贴上新标签的时候，我那紧绷的神经终于松了下来。

还有次在餐馆吃饭，我问卫生间在哪里。服务员看了看窗外，问我看到远处街角卖杂货的亭子没有。我说，看到了。他说，从那里左拐，再过三个街区就到了，走过去20分钟。这么远？看到我很吃惊，服务员说：“你要是觉得那个远，那我知道还有个近的，就在餐厅地下一层。”说完朝我挤了挤眼睛。

我最近一次感受德国式幽默，是同事带给我的。我去慕尼黑开会，一天的日程结束后，会议主持人、金发碧眼的德国同事史蒂芬妮说她看出大家都累了，需要放松一下，因此当天会议最后一个项目是要学习一首德国传统歌曲。她说她承认德国不是个能歌善舞的民族，包括她自己唱歌也经常跑调，但是今天这个日子很特殊，来了这么多世界各地的同事，希望大家能够一起学习这首巴伐利亚民歌，感受当地文化，她来献丑领唱，大家如果学会了，一定要跟着一起唱。说完她就拿起麦克风，走下台，认真地唱了起来。我们一听，唆唆啦唆哆嘻，这不是《祝你生日快乐》吗？这时，会场的灯光暗了，一个点着蜡烛的蛋糕推了出来，原来这是给那天生日的另一位同事一个惊喜。这首歌大家当然都会，就跟唱起来。这份幽默，带着温度，非常温馨。♦

（摘自《三联生活周刊》2017年第27期）

Another time, I was looking for the restroom in a restaurant. On hearing my question, the German waiter looked out of the window and replied, “Can you see the grocery booth at the street corner over there? Turn left from there, and go straight for three blocks to find one. It’ll take you just 20 minutes to get there.”

What the hell?!

“Well, if it’s too far for you, there is also one on the basement floor of our building.” He finished his words with a feigned grimace.

My latest experience of German humor was provided by Stephanie, a blonde German colleague of mine. Recently I attended a meeting in Munich.At the end of the day, our moderator Stephanie said, “I know everybody is tired and needs to relax,so the last part of today’s meeting is to learn a German traditional song.” She said that though many Germans including herself were not good at singing or dancing, “on such a special day,” with so many colleagues from all over the world coming together, she wanted all of us to learn a Bavarian folk song, so that we could experience the local culture.

“So my dear friends, please listen and learn.” She picked up the microphone, stepped down, and sang up earnestly, “So So La So Do Ti...”

We listened to her and found the tune familiar.Was it not “Happy Birthday to You”? Suddenly, all the lights in the room were turned off, and then turned on again, and we saw a cake with candles.It turned out to be a pleasant surprise for one of our colleagues. Now, all being quick learners of“Bavarian folk songs,” we sang it together, sharing in German friendship as well as their sense of humor.♦

（From Sanlian Lifeweek Magazine, Issue 27,2017 ）

德式幽默

文/二公子 译/王小可