概要写作要诀之通过段落主题句来提取信息

陈科芳

概要寫作是一种常见的学术型写作任务。它是一种“阅读+写作”的复合型任务，因此对中学生的阅读理解能力、概括归纳能力和书面表达能力等均提出了很高的要求。

概要写作很重要的一个技巧是准确提取信息。信息提取有一定的技巧。首先，要分析阅读材料的类型。阅读材料若是一个故事，可以试着找找When，Who，Why，What，Where 和How。其中，最重要的要点是“某人（Who）做了何事（What）”。若是夹叙夹议的文章，还要加上故事的寓意（即5W1H+moral）。如果阅读材料是议论文，则要根据文章的结构找出其论点、论据和结论，因为这些是关键信息的主要所在。而对现象类说明文的阅读材料，则要找出造成这种现象的原因、解决这种现象或问题的措施或建议。以上只是泛泛而论，具体要根据情况，灵活运用，千万不可教条化。

本次要介绍的信息提取的一个重要方法，是找出段落的主题句（Topic Sentence）。英语段落的一个比较显著的特点是，一段一个主题。一般英语的段落不会太长，平均长度在六行左右，一段交代一件事情，段落之间有过渡和连接。每一段往往有一个主题句，主题句相对高频率出现的位置往往在于段首或者段末，当然，也有出现在段中的情况。具体如何确定主题句，则要依据文章的主旨和段落的发展情况，来进行分析和判断。

接下来我们结合德清某高中几篇高三学生习作，来看一下如何根据段落主题句确定信息主旨，并且结合信息处理和语言判断来分析学生存在的信息处理问题和语言表达利弊。

[阅读材料]

概要写作（满分25分）：阅读下面短文，根据其内容写一篇60词左右的内容概要。

While many of us go to sleep before midnight， some teenagers choose to stay up much later. They are not driven by the burning desire to write a better essay or achieve a higher grade. Instead， they are busy playing online games. Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China. A report released in 2010 by the China Youth Association for Network Development showed that there were over 24 million young internet addicts among Chinas young urban internet users. The report also said that over 18 million youth had a tendency to develop internet addiction.

To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming. If the regulations are adopted， under-18s would be banned from playing online games between midnight and 8 am.

As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public. Some applauded the law as a way to better protect minors （未成年人） ， saying that too much overnight gaming is harmful to minors health and believing the period between midnight and 8 am to be vital to human physical functions. However， others wondered whether it would be practicable if it came into effect， as minors could just borrow their parents IDs to register accounts to play online games. The Guangming Daily suggested that parents should help their teenagers find a balance between the cyber world and the real world.

China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction. Germany introduced a regulation in 2002 in an attempt to stop minors from playing online games from 10 pm to 6 am. Meanwhile， the UK， the US and Australia have forced a rating system on computer games to make sure that teenagers cannot access “adult” content such as violence， sex or bad language.

[段落主题句分析]

第一段：主题句应该为“Known as young internet addicts， they have long been a problem in China.”这一段主要指出青少年沉迷于网络不能自拔，以至于熬夜打游戏这样的事实。这个主题句之前的部分，是来引出问题的。而这个主题句之后的部分，也就是report部分，则是用来支撑这个问题或者观点的。

第二段：主题句应该为“To deal with the problem of internet addiction among teenagers， the Cyberspace Administration of China released draft regulations in January which carried out a ban on online gaming.”这一段比较短，两句话的主次关系很分明。

第三段：主题句应该为“As soon as the governments draft law surfaced， it drew great attention from the public.”但这个“public”的态度如何，则要分正反两面来说。段落中的“However”是个明显的标记词，说明既有赞同的，也有反对的。这个信息结构还是一目了然的。

第四段：主题句应该为“China is by no means the only one trying to fight against teenage gaming addiction.”说明中国不是唯一一个反对青少年游戏上瘾的国家，后面就列举了一些其他国家的例子。

所以说，根据大的话题“反对青少年游戏上瘾”，可以基本明了这篇短文想要表达的中心思想。再根据每一段的具体情况，尤其是确定主题句落在哪里，就可以比较清晰地分析相应信息，并进行信息处理。概要写作，无非就是把获取到的信息，用自己的话语比较流畅无误地表达出来即可。

我们来看一下示例的范文，是否跟几个主题句要表达的内容大同小异呢？答案是显而易见的。

One possible version：

Many teenagers in China have become addicted to overnight online games. Thus， the government released a draft law to solve the long-lasting issue. Some people welcomed the law because it is beneficial to the teenagers health， while others doubted whether it would be effective. Actually， many other countries have also been making laws against the youth online addiction.

學生习作1 （建议：21分）

Internet addiction among teenagers is a long-standing and head-scratching problem in China. Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft of restricting their time spent on online games from midnight to 8 am has been released while some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice. Actually， many countries have also waged a war against the addiction by taking similar measures.

点评1

总的来说，这篇习作反映出了该学生具有较高的英语水平。从信息的把握来看，准确无误，没有遗漏。从语言组织来说，总体显得比较熟练自然，该有的起承转合也都应用了。词汇量也比较丰富，如“a long-standing and head-scratching problem”“taking similar measures”等，虽然“controversal”拼错了，但至少还是了解这个词的用法和意义的（应该为controversial）。语义之间的关照也比较得体，如讲到“many countries”的时候，后面用了“similar measure”，就达到了较好的语义关联和呼应。比较明显的问题发生在：“Aimed at solving it， a controversal draft...”这个句子感觉比较奇怪、不够自然，应该调整句式，改为“The government has come up with/released a controversial draft which aims at...”之类的表达。“while some emphasized its benefits in the protection of teenagers， others doubted it for the difficulty to put into practice”也应该单独成句，跟前面用句号隔开。

学生习作2 （建议：18分）

In China， many teenagers stay up late because of internet addiction. To solve this problem， some regulations were released to ban online gaming， which attracted the publics attention. Some supported the law while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID.

In fact， not only China is trying to do that， so do the UK and other foreign countries.

点评2

这篇习作，虽然语言比较简洁平易，但总体信息还是把握得比较准确和完整的。从信息处理来说，“while some worried that teenagers would borrow their parents ID”这部分不是特别理想，因为没有很好说明青少年借用父母的身份证干吗用，要读者来猜想或者补足信息自然是不太可取的做法。总体语言平实流畅，无太多明显错误。其中，最后一句“so do the UK and other foreign countries”中的 “do”应该改为“are”，因为是承接上一句“not only China is trying to do that”来说的。而且，既然使用了“not only”结构，最好使用“but also”来呼应。英语总体而言是比较精致的语言，讲究一致，重视配合，所以学生在写作的时候，一定要注意检查核对，否则一不小心就会犯错误。

学生习作3 （建议：13分）

It has long been a problem that some teenagers stay up later to play online games in China. It would ban under-18s playing online games between midnight and 8 am to deal with the problem. Some people thought it was a way to better protect minors. However， other people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game. So the parents had to help the kids find the balance between the cyber and real world. Meanwhile， China is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.

点评3

从信息处理角度来说，虽然该学生比较完整地把握了信息的主要脉络，但在组织表达方面，显得比较薄弱。基本依赖于原文，甚至悄悄“借用”了个别句子，如“borrowed their parents ID to play game”“find the balance between the cyber and real world”，反映出其语言的掌控和组织能力还是存在一定欠缺的。比较明显的问题如下：（1）主语和宾语的使用。典型的例子就是“it”的使用。学生总共四次使用“it”，遗憾的是，除了开头的形式主语之外，其他每一处“it”的使用都语义比较模糊。“It would ban under-18s playing online games”的主語“It”，因为承接了上一句“It has long been a problem”中的主语，而显得非常有误导性。“Some people thought it”，“it”具体指代什么，不甚清晰。“other people wondered weather it would be a new problem”中的“it”也存在这个问题。（2）句子之间的承接。“to deal with the problem”跟第一句中的“a problem”的联系显得非常松散，建议把这部分移到该句的开头，这样前后两句之间的联系会更紧密。“China is not the only one to fight against teenage gaming addiction. So are Germany， the UK and the US.”两句之间的承接也存在问题，因为上一句中出现“not”这一否定词，下一句中用“so”就显得格格不入。（3）句子和词汇的误用。“other people wondered weather it would be a new problem that the minors borrowed their parents ID to play game”中的“that”应该改为“if”，因为这是一种假设。“weather”这一词拼写错误（正确拼法为whether）。

学生习作4（建议：8分）

Today， the problem of teenage gaming addiction is becoming more serious. China Chinese government decided to adopt the regulations to ban minors from playing online games between midnight to 8 am. But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games. Not only China， many countries have their own way to protect minors from online games.

点评4

从信息处理的角度来看，这篇学生习作最大的问题出在“But， it was not enough， some people thought parents should help minors to control time in playing online games”一句。原文中，政府准备出台政策，对政府出台政策这事，人们持有不同观点。但该生改变了信息的原意，说成“it was not enough”，意思是政府出台政策还不够。这有违于原本信息，当然也有违于概要写作的基本原则。除了信息的失真，还存在信息的缺失，比如人们对政府出台政策的正反两方观点，就没有得到体现。从语言角度来看，也是比较勉强的，如“China Chinese government”（没有这个说法）、“But， it was not enough， some people...”（应该适当断句）、“Not only China， many countries have their own way...”（缺少语义关联词）。

学生习作5（建议：5分）

Some teenagers didnt achieve a higher grade by stay up much later to play online games. To deal with this problem， the Cyberspace Administration of China did more. But those couldnt change it， many protect minors played online games in register accounts. We should learn from another people to deal with it.

点评5

从信息处理来说，该学生明显抓不住信息的重点所在。“achieve a higher grade”在原文中是一个很次要的信息，而在该学生的习作中，却被煞有其事地提出来，而且“achieve a higher grade by stay up much later”和“play online games”中间居然用一个“to”（表示目的）连接起来，给读者造成不小的理解困难。“the Cyberspace Administration of China did more”所提供的信息非常模糊（vague）。“But those couldnt change it”这一句问题也很大：为何用But？ those指代谁？it到底指向什么？跟下半句的关联是什么？“many protect minors played online games in register accounts”这部分存在明显语法错误。最后一句“We should learn from another people to deal with it”除了有语言问题，提供的信息更是让人云里雾里，而其实原文中最后一段的意思是其他国家也在采取类似措施。可以说，通篇来看，该考生完全没有抓住信息的实质内容，语言水准也比较低下。