空巢老爸的悲情自白

文◎Norris J. Chumley 译 ◎阿诺 绘◎也圆

空巢老爸的悲情自白

A Father's Pre-empty Nest Post-partum Mess

文◎Norris J. Chumley 译 ◎阿诺 绘◎也圆

Women aren't the only ones who feel the loss when the "baby" grows up, goes to college and moves out of the house. Fathers do too. Although it's a little hard to admit—I am already feeling the empty-nest①syndrome. This isn't something my fellow father friends ever discussed or warned me about. I've never read about it from a man's perspective②either.

当家里的“小宝贝”逐渐长大，去上大学，从家里搬走的时候，不是只有母亲才会感到失落。做父亲的也会。虽然要承认这一点不太容易——我已经尝到“空巢综合征”的滋味了。我那些同样身为人父的朋友们从来没有谈论过这种事，也没有警告过我。我也从来没读到过有谁从男性的角度写这种事。

就要正式分别了——大学已经选定。余下的时间不多，只剩几个月了。虽然难以置信，但我正处在离别的焦虑之中！是的，我，这个身高六英尺多的魁梧老爸，已经伤感得一塌糊涂了。

当小儿子想跟朋友们一起外出聚会，而不是与家人共度一个平静而放松的夜晚时，我可以理解。他想变得越来越独立，我觉得很好。没错，周六下午他更愿意跟一个女孩待在一起，而不是和我一起去远足，那也没什么。我已经不为这类事情伤神了。没问题，这只是孩子过充实生活的一部分。

我们现在可以旅游了，无须事先安排！我认识的其他空巢老爸也都这么说。我从容而自豪地接受了这一切——我想到目前为止，我们当父母还算称职，毕竟他还活得好好的，成绩很不错，还进了一所非常好的大学，谢天谢地。但是，该来的时刻还是来了。我还从来没有经历过让人产生如此剧烈反应的事。

It's official—the university has been chosen. The time is upon us. Only a few months left. I can't believe it but I'm having separation anxiety! Yes me, over six feet tall big strapping③dad that I am, I have become an emotional mess of a man.

I understand when he wants to go out and party with friends, instead of a quiet relaxing evening with the folks. I think it's great that he wants to be more and more independent. Yeah, it's OK that he'd rather spend a Saturday afternoon with a girl instead of hiking with me. I'm over all that. No problems, it's just Part of Living a Full Life.

We can now travel, unscheduled④! So say all my other empty-nest fathers. I've taken it all in stride and pride—thinking that we've done an acceptable job so far, after all he's still alive, making pretty great grades, and gotten into a very fineuniversity indeed, thank God. That moment to come, though, has come. It's nothing I have ever experienced to this dramatic degree ever before.

We'd spent the weekend in early orientation sessions. There we were killing time before the flight home, just me and my man listening to the radio on a distant street watching college students go by, when a certain song came on. "Homeward⑤bound I wish I was... Homeward bound... Home, where my thought's escaping... Home, where my music's playing... Silently for Me..." I began to cry uncontrollably. That Paul Simon song was one I hadn't heard in years, and man oh man did it hit me. He'd be gone soon. Such homesickness⑥... Me, not him so much. I'm not the one leaving home. We won't have to eat precisely at six anymore and dinners will never be the same. Oh no, will we ever see him again? He'll be 30 and I’ll be in my 70's... 40, 50, 60 and then what?!

It was a big deal; a very big deal. I cried and cried in a mixture of embarrassment and novelty. There was no logic, no quick-fix manly gate-keeping. Out of my total emotional decompensation⑦, I managed to get out only three words amidst the tears: "I love you."

My boy put his arm around my shoulders, and we looked in each other's eyes. He was weeping too. Then we began sobbing. Then laughing at the thought and the sight of the two of us, such a weepy mess. I will never forget that moment. I don't think I can ever bear to hear that song again.

I couldn't wait to leave home and my parents when I was my rebellious⑧. I didn't cry a tear, and they didn't either. I don't remember ever hearing those three words as I said goodbye. Now, over 30 years later, I'm so proud of growing up and being a father to my sons. I'm about to cry some more, and that's fi ne.

此前的周末我们参加了入学前期的新生导览活动。坐飞机回家前，我跟儿子两个人在离家遥远的街上一边听着收音机，一边看着大学生来来往往，借此打发时间。这时，收音机里传来了一首歌：“但愿我是在回家的路上……回家的路上……我的思绪飘往家的方向……我的音乐在家中奏响……无声地为我奏响……”我无法抑制地哭了起来。保罗·西蒙的这首歌我好多年都没有听过了，天哪天哪，他真是唱到我的心坎里去了。儿子就快离开了。这样的思乡之情……是我，他不怎么想家。即将离家的人不是我。我们再也不用六点准时开饭了，晚饭也再不会与从前一样了。哦，不，我们还能再见到他吗？他将会长到30岁，那时我就70多岁了……到他40岁，50岁，60岁，之后呢？！

这是件大事，非常大的事。我哭个不停，既感到难为情，又有种新奇的感觉。没有道理可讲，也没有保持男子汉形象的应急之策。完全处于情绪代偿失调中的我流着泪，只勉强说出三个字：“我爱你。”

儿子伸手搂住我的肩膀，我们四目相对。他也在哭。后来，我们开始抽噎。再后来，看着彼此哭得如此狼狈的样子，想想这个场景，我们又笑了起来。我永远也忘不了那一刻。我想我再也听不得那首歌了。

当我还是个18岁的叛逆少年时，我迫不及待地想离开家，离开父母。我当时一滴泪也没流，他们也一样。我不记得曾在道别时听到他们说那三个字。如今，30多年过去了，我终于长大成人，并做了孩子们的父亲，对此我感到非常自豪。我还会再哭几次。这也没什么。

①empty-nest 空巢

②perspective 英 [pə'spektɪv] 美 [pɚ'spɛktɪv] n. 观点；远景；透视图adj. 透视的

③strapping 英 ['stræpɪŋ] 美 ['stræpɪŋ] n. 鞭打；皮带材料；裹伤胶带adj. 魁梧的；高大健壮的v. 用带捆扎；约束，束缚（strap的现在分词）

④unscheduled [ʌn'skedʒuːld] adj. 事先未安排的；不按计划的

⑤homeward 英 ['həʊmwəd] 美 ['homwɚd] adv. 在归途上，向家地adj. 在归途上的，向家的

⑥homesickness ['hom,sɪknɪs] n. 乡愁

⑦decompensation 英 [,diːkɒmp(ə)n'seɪʃ(ə)n]美 [,dikɑmpɛn'seʃən] n. 呼吸困难；补偿不全

⑧rebellious 英 [rɪ'beljəs] 美 [rɪ'bɛljəs] adj. 反抗的；造反的；难控制的