我在哈佛的经历简直是噩梦

译/Marian 2011 绘/迷失嘟嘟

我在哈佛的经历简直是噩梦

What I Have Experienced in Harvard University Was Just Nightmares

译/Marian 2011 绘/迷失嘟嘟

Eric Kester ex perienced the Harvard no one talks about.

His tenure①tenure 英 ［'tenjə］ 美 ［'tɛnjɚ］ n. 任期；占有 vt. 授予……终身职位at Harvard is the stuff of nightmares. He survived a brush with②brush with 擦身而过eg. But he couldn't forget his brush with fame and fortune. 但他仍对与荣誉和财富擦肩而过的往事耿耿于怀。a cheating ring, being locked out of his dorm on the first day of school in just his boxers, and being the only one of his friends to move home jobless after graduation.

Kester wrote a humor column f or T he C ri ms on, Harv ard's student newspaper, and wrote for CollegeHumor.com after graduating. Once a publisher read about his mishaps③mishaps mishap的复数形式 mishap英 ［'mɪshæp］ 美 ［'mɪshæp］ n. 灾祸；不幸事故；晦气at Harvard, Kester was encouraged to write a book.

"Everyone seemed more accomplished than me, better than me," Kester said. "That's a lot of the same anxiety at any college, but it's really intensified④intensified加强的there at Harvard."

Kest er's lack of conf idence was justified: A t Harvard, he was surrounded by brilliant minds. Kester also joked (well, actually he was serious) that everyone at Harvard was valedictorian⑤valedictorian 英 ［,vælɪdɪk'tɔːrɪən］ 美 ［'vælədɪk'tɔrɪən］ n. 告别演说者；致告别辞者of their high school class.

Kester couldn't catch a break⑥catch a break 交好运；松口气eg. Smart phone users just can't seem to catch a break. 智能手机用户似乎都没机会喘口气了。from the start. On his first day at school, freshman move-in day, he locked himself out of his dorm room. He was wearing just his boxers. To get the spare key to his room, Kester had to walk across Harvard Y ard, which was filled with hundreds of students and parents, in just his underwear.

"All these classmates I wanted to impress essentially just saw me do a walk of shame, Kester said. "It made every interaction after that much more anxiety ridden."

Kester continued to struggle with academics and what he wanted to major in. The pressure of Harvard's culture started to push him in the wrong direction.

Cue the cheating club. Classmates knew Kest er was st ruggling in classes and looking for an easy way to succeed. He had a class with someone in a cheating ring, who introduced him to the seedy⑦seedy 英 ［'siːdɪ］ 美 ［'sidi］ adj. 多种子的；结籽的；破烂的；没精打采的；下流的world of cheaters at one of the world's most prestigious⑧prestigious 英 ［pre'stɪdʒəs］ 美 ［prɛ'stɪdʒəs］ adj. 有名望的；享有声望的universities. "It found me," he said.

T he cheating ring was here to help and Kester's contact wanted to give him all the information about the most common ways to cheat. The most utilized and easiest way to cheat at Harvard is hiding answers in the bathroom. The cheating ring encouraged Kester to v isit the bathroom during tests and take advantage of the answers hidden there, but at the last moment he backed out, afraid to jeopardize⑨jeopardize 英 ［'dʒepədaɪz］ 美 ［'dʒɛpɚdaɪz］ vt. 危害；使陷危地；使受危困his academic career.

Kester admits in the book's Note From the Author that he wrote this book to impress a girl and to impress all of his classmates who went on to big business jobs after graduation—even though he just moved home to live with his parents.

He also hopes readers understand that there are good people at Harvard, many of whom made his tumultuous⑩tumultuous 英 ［tjʊ'mʌltjʊəs］ 美 ［tu'mʌltʃuəs］ adj. 吵闹的；骚乱的；狂暴的college career worth it. Kester, now 26, currently teaches at Middlesex School outside of Boston.

"I understand this isn't the Harvard everyone experienced," Kester said. "But I hope anyone reading the book, someone going into college, or an alumnus, can relate to the anxieties we all have about college."

埃里克·凯斯特从没向别人提起过他所经历的别样哈佛生活。

他的哈佛学习经历如同噩梦一般。考试时险些作弊，入学第一天仅穿一条四角短裤把自己锁在宿舍外，毕业后朋友们都找到了工作而自己却待业在家。

凯斯特曾为哈佛校报《绯红》撰写过一个搞笑栏目，毕业后还为CollegeHumor.com网站投稿。一个出版商偶尔读到关于他在哈佛的悲惨经历，就鼓励他写作出书。

“大家看起来都比我成功，比我优秀，” 凯斯特说，“任何大学的很多学生都存在这样的焦虑，可实际上哈佛学生的感觉来得更强烈。”

凯斯特缺乏自信也在情理之中，哈佛大学里人才济济，凯斯特还开玩笑说（其实他是认真的）：哈佛学生都曾代表他们的高中班级致过告别辞。

霉运从一开始就缠上了凯斯特。入学第一天，也就是新生入学日，他把自己锁在宿舍门外，当时只穿一条内裤。如此装束的凯斯特必须穿过聚集着上千名学生和家长的哈佛校园，才能拿到备用钥匙。

“基本上所有我的同学都目睹了这令人难堪的一幕，我本来想给他们留下好印象的。”凯斯特说，“这使我在以后的同学交往中更加忧心忡忡。”

凯斯特的学术和专业道路同样坎坷不平。来自哈佛文化的压力开始把他推向错误的方向。

作弊俱乐部注意到他。同学们都知道凯斯特在学习上焦头烂额，而且正在寻找成功的捷径。他和某作弊俱乐部的一位成员同时上过课，这位同学把他带入世界上最负盛名的高等学府之一哈佛污浊的作弊生世界。“可以说，它发现了我。”他说。

作弊俱乐部旨在为作弊者提供帮助，凯斯特的联系人希望他掌握最常用的作弊手段。最常用也最简单的办法就是把答案藏在卫生间里。作弊俱乐部鼓励凯斯特考试时借口去卫生间，趁机搞到藏在那里的答案。但在关键时刻，他因担心危及自己的学业而退缩了。

凯斯特在该书的《编者按》中坦承，虽然他现在又搬回了父母的家跟他们住在一起，但他还是希望借这本书能给一个女孩和毕业后为大企业工作的所有同学留下深刻印象。

他同时希望读者们明白，哈佛还是有优秀学生的，他们中许多人没有在喧嚣的大学生活中虚度年华。现年26岁的凯斯特目前在波士顿城郊的米德尔塞克斯学校任教。

“我知道，这不是大家眼中的哈佛，” 凯斯特说，“但我希望，读这本书的每个人、即将踏入大学校门的学子或毕业生，都能够认同我们大家都有所体会的大学焦虑。”