幽默小故事

刘阳

New Bicycle新自行车

Johnny was one of those holy terrors. You know, the kind of child that is into everything, cant keep still, drives you crazy. His father was surprised when Johnnys mother suggested that they buy him a bicycle for his birthday.

“Do you really believe thatll help improve his behavior?” the father asked.

“Well, no,” the mom admitted, “But it will spread it over a wider area.”

约翰尼是个淘气的孩子，你知道的，那种对任何事情都感兴趣，完全静不下来的孩子，简直能把人逼疯。当他的妈妈建议在他过生日时送他一辆自行车时，他的爸爸感到很惊讶。

“难道你认为自行车能让他老实一点吗？”爸爸问道。

“哦，那倒不能，”妈妈说，“但是它能让约翰尼到远一点的地方去捣乱。”

Im George我才是乔治

A man in a supermarket was pushing a cart which contained, among other things, a screaming baby. As the man proceeded along the aisles, he kept repeating softly, “Keep calm, George. Dont get excited, George. Dont yell, George.”

A lady watched with admiration and then said, “You are certainly to be commended for your patience in trying to quiet little George.”

“Lady,” he declared, “IM George!”

在超市里，一名男子推着购物推车，里面装着一些商品，还有一个哭闹不停的婴儿。男子在过道上一边走一边不停地轻轻说着：“冷静点，乔治，别激动，乔治，不要叫，乔治。”

一名女子用赞赏的目光看着他，说道：“你如此耐心地试图让小乔治安静下来，实在值得称赞！”

“女士，”这名男子说，“我才是乔治！”

Bus Fare车费

Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, “What is the fare to the train station?”

“Sixty cents,” said the driver.

The man raced alongside the bus until the next stop and then gasped,

“What is the fare now?”

“Ninety cents,” said the driver. “Youre running the wrong way.”

一名男子在上公交车前问司机：“请问去火车站要多少车费？”

“60美分，”司机说道。

这名男子便一路跟着公交车跑，一直跑到下一个车站，气喘吁吁地问道，

“那从这里算起要多少车费呢？”

“90美分，”司机说道，“因为你跑的是反方向。”

Space Travel太空旅行

Betty said, “I want to do some space traveling.”

“Oh Yeah, where are you going”, said Max.

“To the sun,” said Betty. “No one has ever been there before.”

“But you will burn up before you get there,” said Max.

“I thought about that,” said Blondie. “So Im going at night.”

贝蒂说：“我想要太空旅行。”

“那你想去哪里呢？”麦克斯说道。

“去太阳上面，”贝蒂说，“因为从来没有人去过那里。”

“但是你在到达太阳之前就会被烧成灰烬的。”麦克斯说。

“我想过这个问题，”贝蒂说，“所以我准备晚上去。”

Long Happy Life长寿

A woman saw a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

“I couldt help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “Whats your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“Thats amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?”

“Twenty-six,” he said.

一名女子看见一个坐在门廊边的椅子上摇摇晃晃的小老头，于是问道：

“我留意到您那无比快乐的神情，”她说，“所以想问问您快乐和长寿的秘诀是什么？”

他说：“我每天抽三包烟，每星期喝一箱威士忌，我还爱吃油腻的食物，而且从来不锻炼身体。”

“这太让人惊讶了！”女子说道，“那您今年高寿？”

“我二十六岁。”

Perfect Mate理想伴侣

At a coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

“The man I marry must be a shining light among company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!”

An old granny overheard and spoke up, “Girl, if thats all you want, get a TV!”

在一家咖啡馆里，一名年轻的女子正在向朋友们描述她心目中的理想伴侣。

“和我结婚的男人一定要出众得闪闪发光，一定要有音乐细胞，会讲笑话，会唱歌，能娱乐他人。而且晚上能呆在家不出门。”

一位老妇女无意中听到后说：“姑娘，如果那些就是你想要的，那就嫁给电视吧。”