考场百相：七种不同的考生

by Elodie

Final exams are rolling around again， causing stress and crushing[粉碎] dreams. Wait， what？ How did this happen？ Wasnt May， like， yesterday？ Its the eleventh hour[最后一刻]， and its time to re-teach yourself a semesters[学期] worth of material. And we all know that when you walk into that exam room and take a seat， something takes hold[固定下来]. Something sinister[不祥的]. Something that was lurking[潜伏] in the shadows， waiting for the moment to strike[打]. Its your test-taking persona[角色].

Whether we like it or not， we all shed[摆脱] our identities[身份] and are reduced[使变成] to one of seven personas come exam day：

期末考试又要来了，让人压力剧增，夜不能眠。等一下，你说什么？这是怎么发生的？昨天不还是五月吗？现在到了最后关头，是时候再自己复习下整个学期的重要知识了。我们都知道，一旦走进考场坐下，有些东西就已成定局了。某些不祥的东西正潜伏在暗处，等待时机给你一击。这就是你的“应考角色”。

不管喜欢与否，我们都会在考试当天卸下各自的身份，还原为以下七种角色中的一种：

1. The Person W ho Knows E verything 无所不知的人

This person engages in high-powered page-flipping[翻转] like a multiple[多样的] choice-answering machine. They are， without fail， the first person to turn in their exam. They will then proceed[行进] to exit the room in a blaze of glory[荣耀之光]， possibly to the beat of some action movie soundtrack[电影配乐]， with the power and confidence of someone who really， truly studied. They might even do a few backflips[后空翻] just to bring it all home.

这种人就好像一个专门回答多项选择题的机器，以大马力快速翻页。他们是，一定是，第一个交卷的人。然后他们带着荣耀之光，或许还伴着某些动作片的配乐节奏，带着某些死命学习的人的力量与自信走出考场。为了更好地享受这种感觉，他们也许还会做几个后空翻呢。

2. The Person W ho Knows Nothing 一无所知的人

This person will be frantically[狂躁地] going through the exam， looking for a single question they know they can answer. They are nervous and confused and rapidly melting[融化的] into a puddle[水坑] of sweat right there in the middle of the room.

这种人会狂躁地熬过整场考试，只为寻找一个他们知道答案的问题。他们紧张不安、困惑不已，很快就在考场中央流下一水坑的汗水。

3. The Person W ho s Sick 生病的人

This person sounds like theyre coughing[咳嗽] up a lung， and its just about the only thing anyone can pay attention to. They will always be seated directly behind you， so that you can just feel the gusto[热情] of their sneeze[喷嚏] attack and know that youre next.

这类人的咳嗽声听起来就像是要把肺咳出来一样，而这正是每个人惟一能注意到的声音。他们总是正好坐在你后面，所以你刚好能感觉到他们打喷嚏时的热气，然后你就知道，下一个感冒的人会是你自己了。

4. The Cheat er 作弊者

Every class has a handful of[一小部分] them， and they are either very good at it or very bad. There are no so-so cheaters—there are only people who do whatever it takes MacGyver注1 a cheating device out of a No.2 pencil注2 and their own shoes， and people who just stare， rather obviously at their neighbors paper and seem surprised when this isnt allowed.

注1：马盖先，美国枪战动作片《百战天龙》的男主角，擅长用普通生活用品作为工具，帮助自己和搭档摆脱困境。

注2：二号铅笔，在美国的标准考试中，用于填写答题卡的专用铅笔，“二号”指笔芯铅的硬度。

每个班都有一小部分作弊的人，他们要么精于此道，要么技术很差。没有技术一般的作弊者——只有用“二号铅笔”和自己的鞋子打造出马盖先作弊神器的高手，还有只会明目张胆地盯着邻座的试卷看、在此举不被允许的时候似乎还感到惊讶的菜鸟。

5. The Noise Fact ory 噪音制造厂

This person readjusts[重新调整]. They sigh. They crack [使破裂] their knuckles[指关节]. They tap[轻敲] their fingers on the desk. They flip their paper over. They drop their pencil and somehow it sounds like a nuclear explosion[核爆炸]. They shift their chair a little and it gives an eerie[怪异的]， grating[刺耳的] noise one might liken to[把……比作] the hounds[猎犬] of hell.

这类人总是动个不停。他们唉声叹气，指关节掰得噼啪响，用手指轻敲桌面，还把试卷翻来翻去。他们失手掉下铅笔，不知怎的，那声音听起来就像是核爆炸一样。他们动一下椅子，由此产生的刺耳的怪声就像是来自地狱猎犬的叫声。

6. The Person W ho Asks a M yst erious Question 问神秘问题的人

This person will raise their hand or approach[接近] the teacher and ask a question—but theyll ask it in a annoyingly[恼人地] whisper[低语]， causing an immediate reaction as heads whip around and everyone tries to hear. Are they getting a hint[暗示]？ Is this a question you should be asking？

这类人会举手或者走到老师身边，问一个问题——但他们会以一种恼人的低语提问，周边的人马上就有了反应。大家会探头探脑，试图听清楚（他们的对话）。他们得到暗示了吗？这个问题你也应该问吗？

7. The Fallen W arrior 失败的勇士

This person has already accepted defeat[失败] and understands the degree to which they are completely hopeless. After looking over the test and enduring[忍受] a moments moral collapse[崩溃] as all their dreams get sucked into[被卷入] a black pit[深坑] of despair[绝望]， while at the same time， undergoing a transformation and becoming a mere shell of[空有躯壳的] the person they once were， they will spend the rest of the hour drawing the picture of puppies.

这类人早已接受失败，并且明白自己已经到了一个怎样无望的境地。他们查看了整份试卷，忍受了片刻的道德崩溃——因为一切梦想都被卷入一个黑暗的绝望深坑里。与此同时，经过了心理转换历程，他们变成了此前自己的躯壳。然后，他们会把剩下的时间用来画小狗。