如何与小女孩儿谈话

2012-04-29

英语学习 2012年6期

I went to a dinner party at a friends home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown.1 I wanted to squeal2, “Maya, youre so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”3

But I didnt. I squelched4 myself. As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse,5 which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed they are.

Whats wrong with that? Its our cultures standard talking-to-littlegirls icebreaker6, isnt it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem?7 Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.8

Hold that thought for just a moment.

News reported that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat. 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly;9 eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down. Even bright, successful college women say theyd rather be hot10 than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery,11 leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23.12 As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new norm,13 American women have become increasingly unhappy. Whats missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

Thats why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching14 down at her level, looking into her eyes,“very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-toadults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle15 in my eyes. I love books. Im nuts for them.16 I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic.17 She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”

“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five-year-old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

“Whats your favorite book?” I asked.

“Ill go get it! Can I read it to you?”

Purplicious was Mayas pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black.18 Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities.19 But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group.20 I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature. Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. Its surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but Im stubborn21.

I told her that Id just written a book, and that I hoped shed write one too one day. We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and wed read it and talk about it.

So, will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture?22 No. But I did change Mayas perspective23 for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it. Ask her what shes reading. What does she like and dislike, and why? There are no wrong answers. Youre just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain. For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed24. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand25? You may get some intriguing26 answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

Heres to changing the world, one little girl at a time.