学生习作点评集锦

尹继友

在写作中，往往听到一些关于句子好或坏的评论，那么好句子到底有什么标准呢?下面先就把一个好句子的五个基本原则介绍一下，希望能够帮你在写作中写出优美的句子来。

1.完整

完整是好句子的第一要点。

一个完整的句子表达单一的完整的意思。它不包含并不紧密相关的意思，也不表达本身不完整的意思。

2.连贯

连贯是指句子各部分之间清楚而合理的联系。句子中的词语和部分应恰当地衔接，它们之间的关系应十分清楚。不连贯的句子通常有以下几种毛病：平行结构有缺点，代词指代不清楚，修饰语和被修饰语的关系不明确，在人称、数、语态、时态或语气上有混乱之处。

3.简洁

句中不应有任何不必要的词。只要意思充分 地表达了，用词越少越好。用词过多只会使意思模糊不清，而不是更加明晰。人们常常用不必要的词，所以最好在写完一篇文章之后，仔细检查一两遍，看看有没有一些词可以删去而又不影响意思的表达。

4.强调

凡是重要的意思都应在表达时予以强调。为此说话时人们可用各种方法，如提高声音、放慢语速、使用短句或加上手势。写文章时，也可以使用倒装、感叹、重复、反问等方法对应该强调的词语和句子加重语气。

5.多样

句型的多样化，对好的文章来说是必不可少的。好几句长短相同、结构相似的句子连在一起，如又用同一个名词或代词作主语，必然会显得很单调。为多样化起见，短句和长句，简单句、并列句和复合句，圆周句和松散句都应错杂使用。也可偶尔用一个问句、祈使句或感叹句。但是不要只是为了多样化而频频变换句型。句子的结构和长度首先要由所要表达的思想来决定。只有恰当地表达思想时多样化才可取。

一、学生习作评改

1.习作要求

林宏的笔友李莉今年夏天将来沪旅游。林宏去信表示欢迎，并准备去机场迎接。还告诉她上海有不少值得游玩的地方，他将陪同参观旅游。(用书信体写)

2.学生习作

Dear Lily，

I am very glad that you will have a trip (1) to Shanghai this summer.I cannot wait to meet you at the airport and show you around Shanghai.

As we all know，Shanghai is the biggest city in China.Especially(2) in these recent years，many great changes have taken place in Shanghai.She is a sea of which absorbs different cultures and customs ，but has developed her own very unique identity.

Jinmao Tower is one of most Shanghans well-known symbols.You really cannot (3) miss the chance to visit it.We can (4) have a good view of Shanghai from the 88th floor in the tower.On January 1st the Shanghais New Year center by which Shanghai welcomes the new year was held in a great new structure，the Shanghai Arts Center(5).It is located in Putong and looks like a beautiful lighthouse(6) on its roof will shine with the music playing .I think you will like it.I hope you will have a special day at last .We will visit the Yu Garden，where the Shanghais traditional customs and culture can be seen.The food there is really delicious.

Hope you will come soon.(7) I cannot wait(8) to take you around and have a good time in Shanghai.(9)

Yours sincerely

Lin Hong

3.习作评改

这是一篇尚好的习作。开头和结尾(格式)均正确，但正文中却犯了一些初、中级语法和标点符号错误，如人名的首字母不应该小写。尽管如此，作者毕竟回答了题目要求，内容也比较充实，使读者读起来颇感有趣。错误修正：

⑴ 谈论；谈论将来的安排时应该用现在进行时，不要用will。

⑵ 你在谈论最近几年发生的情况，所以应该用in (the) recent years。 原句especially in these recent years表达很别扭。

⑶ 给出建议时用cannot miss不合适，应该用should seize 。

⑷这个表达不够准确，改成get a good birds-eye view 。

(5)原句结构混乱，句意不明，参看修改后的句子。

(6)结构混乱，语意不明。

(7)你知道你的朋友要来，所以这句话是多余的。

(8)表达要多样化，这种表达第一段已用过，可改为 am anxious。

⑼是要让朋友玩得好，不是自己玩得好，应该在have 前加 let you 。

4.习作范文

Dear Lily，

I am very glad that you are coming to shanghai this summer.I cannot wait to meet you at the airport and show you around Shanghai.

As we all know，Shanghai is the biggest city in China.In recent years，many great changes have taken place in Shanghai.She is a sea of which absorbs different cultures and customs ，but has developed her own very unique identity.

Jinmao Tower is one of most well-known Shanghais symbols.You really should seize the chance to visit it.We can get a good birds-eye view of Shanghai from the 88th floor in the tower.On January 1st the Shanghais New Year Center held an evening party to welcome the arrival of New Year in a great new structure，the Shanghai Arts Centre.It is located in Putong and looks like a beautiful lighthouse with the music playing on its shining roof.I think you will like it.I hope you will have a special day at last .We will visit the Yu Garden，where the Shanghais traditional customs and culture can be seen.The food there is really delicious.

I am anxious to take you around and let you have a good time in Shanghai.

Yours sincerely

Lin Hong ★