Ｊｏｋｅｓ　ａｎｄ　Ｈｕｍｏｒ

2008-06-06小溪／编译

中学英语园地·教研版 2008年4期

小　溪／编译

But The Teacher Cried

The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it，but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted something，he either cried or threw a tantrum. Then came his first day of school，his first day away from his grandmothers loving arms.

When he came home from school，his grandma met him at the door.

“Was school all right？” she asked. “Did you get along all right？ Did you cry？”

“Cry？” John asked. “No，I didnt cry，but the teacher did！”

可是老师哭了

六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的奶奶仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他奶奶。他想要什么时，不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学时才离开奶奶。

约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接到他并问他：“学校怎么样？你过得好吗？哭了没有？”

“哭？”约翰问。“没有，我没哭，可老师哭了。”

The Cheapskates Party

The notorious cheapskate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment，he said，“Come up to the 5th floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door opens，push with your foot.”

“Why use my elbow and foot？”

“Well，” was the reply. “Youre not coming empty-handed，are you？”

吝啬鬼请客

一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他的家时说：“你上到五楼，然后用你的肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”

“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”

“你的双手得拿礼物啊。你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答道。

I Live Just around the Corner

Teacher：Be sure that you go straight home.

Pupil：I cant. I live just around the corner！

我住在拐角处

老师：务必直接回家啊。

学生：不行，我住在拐角处。

A Clever Boy

Mother：Its too late，darling. Stop watching TV or youll be late for school tomorrow morning.

Son：If you keep watching it，youll be late for work，too.

Mother：But I can ask for a sick leave if I cant get up early tomorrow.

Son：And I can ask for leave，too，because my mother is ill and I must take good care of her at home.

聪明的男孩

妈妈：太晚了，亲爱的。不要看电视了，不然明天早晨你上学会迟到的。

儿子：如果你还看电视，妈妈，你上班也会迟到的。

妈妈：可是如果我明天不能早起，我可以请病假啊。

儿子：我也可以请假，因为妈妈病了，我必须在家好好照顾她。

Great News

Ted：Great news！ The teacher said wed have a test today，rain or shine！

Ned：Whats so great about that？

Ted：Its snowing！

重大新闻

特得：重大新闻！老师说今天不论是晴天还是雨天都要测验！

纳得：这算什么重大新闻？

特得：下雪啦！

I Wasnt Listening

A little girl was reading a book when her mother asked her，“What are you reading，dear？”

“I dont know，” the little girl answered.

“You dont know？ But you were reading aloud，so you must know.”

“I was reading aloud，mummy，but I wasnt listening，” explained the child.

我没有在听

女儿在读书。妈妈问：“亲爱的，你在读什么？”

“我不知道，”小女孩回答道。

“你不知道？你不是在朗读吗，你应该知道的。”

女儿解释说：“我是在朗读，妈妈，可我并没有在听啊！”

I Didnt Notice

A man in prison asked the new comer why he was sent there. The new comer answered，“I am out of luck，I think. A few days ago，I was walking in the street when I saw a piece of dirty rope. I thought nobody wanted it，so I picked it up.”

“But it is not against the law to pick up a piece of rope and take it home！”

“I told you I had bad luck，didnt I？” the man sighed. “The trouble is that I didnt notice there was a dog at the other end of that rope.”

我没注意

监狱里，一个犯人问一个新来的犯人为什么被关进来。新来的犯人说：“我想我真是倒霉。几天前，我在街上走的时候，看到一根脏绳子，以为没人要了，便捡了起来。”

“但是捡根绳子带回家并不犯法啊！”

“我没告诉过你我有多倒霉吗？”那个人叹着气说道，“问题是我没有注意到绳子的另一端拴着一条狗。”

Robbed

A teller had just been robbed for the third time by the same man，and the police officer was asking if he had noticed anything special about the robber.

“Yes，” said the teller. “He seems to be better dressed each time.”

被抢

一位银行出纳员已经被同一个人抢劫三次了，警官问他是否注意到这名罪犯的特征。

“有啊，”出纳员说，“他似乎穿得一次比一次好。”

Foretell Things Accurately

Mary：Do you think that we have one person who can foretell things as accurately as Zhu Geliang in the world？

Mark：Of course！ My mother！

Mary：Really？

Mark：Dont you believe？ I took the report card home yesterday. My mother took a glimpse at the score，and said to me，“Be careful. Your father will be back home to hit you.” She is right. Father came back and indeed hit me.

料事如神

玛丽：你说世上真有像诸葛亮一样料事如神的人吗？

马克：怎么没有？我妈妈就是。

玛丽：真的？

马克：你不信？我昨天拿成绩单回家，妈妈朝我的成绩单扫了一眼，然后对我说：“当心你爸爸回来揍你。”她说对了。爸爸回来后，果然揍了我一顿。

He Knew Too Much

A boy said to his mother：“Ive decided to stop studying.”

“How come？” asked the mother.

“I heard on the news that someone was shot dead in Italy because he knew too much.”

他知道得太多

一个小男孩对他妈妈说：“我决定不读书了。”

“为什么呢？”妈妈问道。