幽默放送

为我所用

一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”

“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。”

Let me Take it Down

An elephant said to a mouse ,“no doubt that you are the smallest and most useless thing that I have ever seen.”

“Pleas ,say it again .Let me take it down .”the mouse said .“I will tell a flea what I know.”

三个外科医生

三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一副眼镜，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。”

Three Surgeons

Three famous surgeons were bragging about their skills. “A man came to me who had his hand cut off,”said one.“Today that man is a concert violinist.”“Thats nothing,”said another. “A guy came to me who had his legs cut off. I stitched them back on, and today that man is a marathon runner.”

“I can top both of you,”said the third. “One day I came on the scene of a terrible accident. There was nothing left but a horses posterior - and a pair of glasses. Today that man is seated in United States Senate.”

祖先

本森是个波士顿商人，对自己的书法和祖先都颇为得意。他给一个犹太推销员开了张定单后，凝视着自己的签名说：“这字写得真不错。你知道吗，我有个祖先在《独立宣言》上签了字。”

“噢，是吗，”犹太人说，“你可比不了我，我有个祖先在《十诫》上签了字。”

Ancestors

Benson was a Boston merchant and very proud of his handwriting and his ancestry． After giving a Jew salesman a order，he gazed at his signature and said,“Pretty good writing that．Do you know one of my ancestors signed the Declaration of Independence？”

“oh， well，” said the Jew，“you have not tings on me，one of my ancestors signed the Ten Commandments．”

我输了

是五点钟喝茶的时候了，一个年轻人因为迟到来向女主人致歉。

“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”

“您知道我们在办公室里有多忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”

“大有趣了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”

“不，”年轻人心神不定地说，“我输了。”

I Lost

It was at a five oclock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．

“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”

“You see were very busy in the office and only one of us could come， so we tossed up for it．”

“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”

“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”

脑筋急转弯：

1．哪种动物像猫一样大小，和老虎一个长相？

2．什么食品东、南、西、北都出产？

脑筋急转弯答案：

1.Small tiger

2.Melon