爱不曾远去The Love Never Gone

刘一澄/文　霍红/译注

清明。车窗外，是蔚蓝的天空和一望无际的、金灿灿的油菜花田。一片片金黄划过眼帘1，将我扔2进了时光隧道。

It is the Tomb Sweeping Day. Out the car window stretched the azure skies and the broad golden rape flower fields. A tract of golden land upon another crossed my eyes， plunging me into the tunnel of time.

从我记事起3，我吃的饭菜都是她做的，不仅是她做的，很多还是她自产的4。母亲无法陪伴我的夜晚，我与她并卧而眠。那些许汗味夹着淡淡的烟草味道，从陌生感到安全感，其中注入了多少祖母的爱。5

The time I had unconfused recollections of my childhood， every single meal she cooked for me—more than that， some of the food she fed me was out of a patch of field she had reclaimed. All the nights when my mother was unable to lie in bed beside me， I fell into sleep with Grandma for caring company. A mixed odour of a touch of sweat and cigarettes grew from a sense of isolation to a sense of security， inexhaustible love devoted to me.

父母顾不上我的时候，她以自己的方式带我去进行运动6。她说我太阳晒少了，就时常带我去她自己开垦的临时菜田7里去。我笨拙地帮她除杂草，或听令于她的吩咐。多数时候，她任我随意玩耍8，偶尔会扔到我面前几条“新出土的”蚯蚓，我常因此兴奋一整天。“运动结束”了，她一手拎着一个大南瓜或者一些其他蔬菜，一手拉着我，嘴里叨叨着：“今天的午餐就给你吃它了。”

As my parents had no time for me， she had her own way to make me exercise. She said that the sun would be good for me， and then carried me on her motorbike to her little garden where she planted vegetables before the land was officially claimed for a certain use. I was clumsily weeding her garden， or just obeying her order. Most of the time， she left me engaged in what caprice led me to， or threw to me several newly-unearthed earthworms， which kept me in the excitement for an entire day. Exercise done， she carried in one hand a huge pumpkin or other green vegetables I could not name， and held my hand with the other， chattering， “The big pumpkin will be your lunch.”

在我小學四年级时她回乡了。她临行前，我感受到了她对归乡的热切期待，也感受到了她对我的不舍。只听她每日碎碎念9着：“以后孩子吃什么啊？要么我再待半年吧。”唠唠叨叨地10，想的全是我。据说，回乡之后的很长一段时间里，她挂在嘴边的仍是“媳妇不会烧饭，孩子吃什么啊……”。

She went back to her countryside home when I was in the fourth year at primary school. As her returning day approached， I was aware not only of her longing to return to her own home but also of her reluctance to part with me. “What is my granddaughter going to eat？ Maybe I should leave half a year later，” she repeated the same utterance almost each day before her departure. Her repeated words were all about me. I heard that for a long while after she returned， at her lips was， “My daughter-in-law doesnt know how to cook. What will my granddaughter eat？”

她与我生活的十年间，青丝被岁月染上秋霜，那想必也有我的“贡献”吧。她虽回乡了，却好像一直在我身边——我每日早餐吃的鸡蛋，时不时就能吃到的冬瓜、肉圆、鱼圆，里面充溢着她的味道。

During the ten years she had been with me， her black hair turned grey， to which I must have “contributed”. Returned as she had， she seemed to be all the time around me—the egg I had for breakfast along with the wintermelon， or wax gourd， meat balls， and fish balls， all of which filled with her taste.

三年前，也是清明，我随着父母回老家祭祖，当车轮拐入通往老宅的田间小路11，我便急切地张望着，渴望见到熟悉的房子和熟悉的身影。那是童年熟悉的身影，那是我少年思念的身影——她蹲在田边，利落地12整理着刚刚摘13下来的青菜。一阵风吹乱了她的苍苍白发，银丝随风掀起，如白浪翻腾。14

On the Tomb Sweeping Day three years ago， I went tomb-sweeping with my parents to my grandparents village. When the car wheeled onto the trail leading to their home， I could not wait to look out of the window， eager to see the familiar house and figure. A figure I had become familiar with as a child and I missed as a teenager—she squatted by the field， sorting with dexterity the greens that she had just collected. A wind passed， her grey hair blown to disorder， the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air.

我飞奔过去，从背后拥紧了她，我的祖母，我贪婪地15嗅着那烟草与因劳动而外溢的汗水相携的熟悉的味道。

I dashed over， held her hard， my grandmother， in my arms from behind， and keenly sniffed the familiar smell， a mixture of cigarettes and sweat from labour.

车窗外，仍是蔚蓝的天空和一望无际的、金灿灿的油菜花田。一片片金黄划过眼帘16，将我拉回了现实。思绪闪过，我心里一热，一层薄薄的水雾，模糊了我的视线。17

Out the car window remain the azure skies and the boundless golden rape flower fields. One stretch of the golden field after another shot past， dragging me back to the real world. After the thoughts flashed through my mind， sentiment or tenderness seized me， a mist of tears dimming my eyes.

一会儿就到了，小院里却再也没有白丝随风飞旋的奶奶，再也无法和她拥抱。

Soon we will arrive. However， there is no more of Grandma with her white hair blown up in the air by the wind or a jealous embrace with her.

曾经我以为奶奶会一直在忙碌中等着我的到来，且思念着我，我一度因为有她的思念而幸福着。而如今，她走了，那熟悉的老宅里没有了她熟悉的身影，也没有了熟悉的饭香，她房间里那熟悉的味道也渐渐淡去18。但是，清明，我一定回来，因为她的爱不曾远去19。

I thought Grandma would always be there for my visit in her bee-like life， and missed me， for which I once felt so luckily blessed. But now， she is gone—I can find no familiar figure in the familiar old home of hers， and no familiar taste in the dishes， the familiar odour of hers in her room fading away. Yet， on the Tomb Sweeping Day， I must come because her love is never gone.

（译者单位：扬州大学）

1“划过眼帘”形容事物快速从眼前通过，对应英文为cross sbs eyes，cross的意思是“划过，越过，跨过”。  2“扔”在此处为通感式表述，英文中的“扔”可表达为“toss/throw/cast/plunge”，其中plunge强调动作猛烈、剧烈，因此译者选用了plunge。

3此处译为have unconfused collections，用法参考Three Days to See（《假如给我三天光明》）第一章中的“I fancy I still have confused recollections of that illness.”一句，其中unconfused的意思是“清晰的，清楚的”。  4“很多还是她自产的”是指作者的祖母在照顾作者之余的闲暇时间里，在待开发的土地上开垦了一小片菜园，种了一些常见蔬菜，所以此句译为out of a patch of field she had reclaimed，而非直譯为she planted by herself。  5“夹着”的意思是“混着，同时伴有”，此处并非用作谓语动词，结合此句的整体结构，可处理为非谓语动词形式的mixed。“从陌生感到安全感”描述了作者对祖母的熟悉过程，从中文的角度来说是谓语，但在转化成英文时，译者将变化过程用grow表现出来。“注入”的表面义是instill，但在此处其实表达了“倾注，奉献”之义，因此用devote更好。“其中注入了多少祖母的爱”处理为独立主格结构作状语，表达一种伴随状态。“多少”在此处用于感叹，强调数量多，因此译为inexhaustible，以对应作者的本意。  6文中虽说“她以自己的方式带我去进行运动”，但实际上在这过程中作为老年人的祖母本人从不运动，所以此处处理为make me exercise。“以自己的方式”译为had her own way更能表达出祖母的“自作主张”或“不同于正常的方式”。  7“临时菜田”的翻译采用了解释性译法，以her little garden where she planted vegetables before the land was officially claimed for a certain use说明菜田的临时性。  8“随意”并未译成arbitrary或at will，因为这两种表达在此处并不合适。前者表示“任意的，任意性的”，讲的是处事“不顾及其他”，后者则表示“根据个人意愿”，用在此处显得过于拘谨。小孩子的“随意”是指“根据个人兴致为之”，因此译为what caprice led me to更合适，此用法可见于Three Days to See（《假如给我三天光明》）第三章中的“... go hand-in-hand wherever caprice led us”。

9“碎碎念”即“喋喋不休，唠唠叨叨”，不宜译为jabber。jabber有“吐音含混不清”的感觉，且“喋喋不休”往往是表达不满，故此处译为repeat the same utterance更合适。  10“唠唠叨叨”也并未译成chatter或jabber，这两个词更强调声音产生一种噪音感。此处的“唠唠叨叨”侧重表达所说内容的反复，故译为repeated words更贴切。

11此句译为“when the car wheeled onto the trail leading to…”，其中“拐入”用wheel作动词，表示turn（转弯）的概念，还原原文“车轮拐入”的概念。  12“利落地”即“熟练地，娴熟地”，强调祖母动作熟练、手速快、手巧，因此译为dexterously或with dexterity比skillfully更好。  13“摘”一般对应pick，强调用的力气较大时则用pluck，然而这两个词强调的是“从树上或秧上取下”这一动作。表达摘一定量或出于某种目的的“采摘”，通常用gather或collect。  14译者重新整理了此句，译为“A wind passed， her grey hair blown to disorder， the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air.”。两个独立主格结构分别表示结果（her grey hair blown to disorder）以及方式（the silver white thrown upward like a wave in the air）。譯文中加了pass一词，以便用blow一词描写“吹乱了她的苍苍白发”。  15“贪婪地”在此处并非表达一种贪欲或者占有欲，而是表达一种“热切，盼望，急切”的感觉，因此直译为greedily不恰当，可用keenly来表达这种感觉。

16与原文第一段中的“划过眼帘”相互呼应，达到情感对比的效果。然而，英文（在不用于修辞的情况下）很忌讳反复使用同一种表达，所以此处译为shoot past，表示“从旁急速而过”。  17此句为文学式的细节描写，译文也需还原这种风格。“闪”即快速出现并快速消失。“心里一热”指心中某种柔软的情感，因此用sentiment来表示，并追用tenderness来同位解释，追用seize来表达“受控于某种情绪或情感”。 “一层薄薄的水雾”译为“a mist of ”，构成隐喻。  18但凡非一气呵成地消失，均与away搭配使用，例如die away（声音、气味等逐渐消失），再如go away离开（可见离开的过程）等，故此处译为fade away即可表达“渐渐”的含义。  19“不曾远去”即“没有消失”，与祖母已逝的语境对应，用gone隐喻“消失”和“未消失”的强烈对比，即“Grandma is gone but her love never gone.”。