思维导图助推情节构思

广东 程志丽

【问题导读】

读后续写以读为辅，以写为主。读，要求学生把握语篇基本要素和主题，获取原文的情节发展，推断人物性格，挖掘可续写点；写，要求学生构思故事情节，运用准确且丰富的语言，合理进行续写。在整个读写过程中，学生在构思情节时或天马行空，令人不知所云；或集中于某一细节，过多陈述；或无从下手，所写寥寥数词。那么，如何合理推进情节呢？我们可以借助思维导图！思维导图可以用来构建框架，为读后续写助力。

【名师导学】

思维导图是一种运用图像式思维的工具，是一种将思维形象化的方法，可以用来构建框架、细化语言等。学生在阅读的同时可以通过寻找中心句或关键词、句的方法来梳理文章各部分内容，这有利于把握文章主旨、梳理文章结构；而进一步围绕主题或某个关键点梳理各部分的细节，有助于把握文章细节以及语言。思维导图的种类很多，有树状图、气泡图、流程图、括号图、故事山、鱼骨图等。在构思故事情节时将括号图（brace map）和流程图（flow map）结合起来使用，可以帮助我们明确整体（段落梗概）和局部（包括段首语在内的情节发展）的关系并合理推进故事情节。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

60-year-old Richard Olsen had retired from his work.He was very interested in adventure and hunting.This time he hunted on a land near Watford City,N.D.,in the underpopulated western part of the state. In a cold winter, he tried a new spot and forgot to bring his cell phone.He hiked more than half a mile with two dogs to a harvested wheat field.

Eyes fixed on the horizon in expectation of another pheasant（野鸡）taking flight,Richard stepped on a thin crust（硬层）of snow on a canal.It collapsed and he dropped.

Realizing that he was in trouble and was going to hurt himself, Richard was suddenly picking up a lot of speed. His left leg hit first, and he lay on his side to reach for his shotgun,unloaded it and used it as a walking stick.When he was partly up,he slipped and slid back down,because one of his feet got stuck between two rocks.Richard told himself that if he didn't get himself out of the canal,he wasn't going to have a very good night.

Richard got his foot free and climbed more slowly and cautiously out of the canal.Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him.The accident occurred at about 2 pm,and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.

Richard focused on crawling to safety. Even with his gun's support, hopping was impractical. Instead, he sat down and pushed himself backward less than 40 inches at a time with his good leg. He was stubborn and sure that he must hold on. He was tired out and had more frequent breaks. Temperatures dropped below zero overnight, and his gloves and boots got wet.His hands and feet soon were completely numb.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

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Richard's dogs had been playing in the field and eventually came up to him.____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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However,gleams of daylight remained—Richard saw the seventh car.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

文本解读

一、原文的语篇要素

__Wh_____en Where Who What___________Why___________How In a cold winter____________________________________________________________On a land near Watford City,N.D.,in the underpopulated western part of the state 60-year-old Richard Olsen and his two dogs Richard Olsen hunted pheasants, but he was hurt; he had to get himself out of the canal,___________moved to safety and waited to be saved.He was very interested in adventure and hunting._________________________________With the help of the two dogs and the car driver___________________________________

二、原文主题

60岁的退休老人理查德·奥尔森喜欢冒险和狩猎。在一个寒冷的冬日，他带着两条狗去一个人烟稀少且陌生的地方猎杀野鸡，但不幸伤了腿。天气寒冷，日光渐逝，他必须想办法爬到路边求助过往的车辆。本文的主题是“冒险和坚毅”。

三、原文的情节脉络发展

四、主人公理查德的性格特点

________________________________________________________________________________________Events Eyes fixed on the horizon in expectation of another pheasant taking flight,Richard stepped on a thin crust of snow on a canal.__________________________________________Richard told himself that if he didn't get himself out of the canal, he wasn't going to have a very good night.Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him.The accident occurred at about 2 pm, and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.___________________________________________________________________Richard focused on crawling to safety. Even with his gun's support, hopping was impractical. Instead, he sat down and pushed himself backward less than 40 inches at a time with his good leg._________________________________________________Characteristics adventurous experienced persistent

五、捕捉续写点

续写点 伏笔语言 续写时可照应的内容故事背景In a cold winter, he tried a new spot__________and forgot to bring his c____________ell_phone.故事情节Richard immediately realized the difficulty of the task before him. The accident occurred at about 2 pm, and it was nearly 5 pm with the road far away and the sun setting.寒冬、陌生之地、忘带手机——续写时，要注意这3处，万万不可出现打电话求助的情节。____理查德想要成功被救，面临两大困难：（1）离路边太远。根据续写第二段所给的信息，他需要求助路上经过的车辆，此为可照应内容之一——如何与路上过往的车辆建立联系？理查德成功到了路边还是两条狗发挥了作用？（2）太阳落山了，日光渐逝，求救的急迫感愈来愈强。根据续写的正能量结尾原则，理查德肯定获救了，此为可照应内容之二——理查德在完全天黑前__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________成功拦下了一辆车并得救。

（续表）

六、构思情节发展

水行政立法执法工作不断加强。完成了《大连市节约用水条例（草案）》制订工作。开展了打击“涉河违法行为”专项执法行动，共完成河道采砂巡查45次，立案51起，清除行洪障碍25万m3，全市水事秩序进一步好转。

根据故事的主题、情节、人物性格和伏笔，原文呈现了故事的“起因—经过—高潮”部分：理查德外出狩猎遇险，想办法自救但未成功，挣扎许久后变得疲惫不堪、手脚僵硬。续写的两段分别是故事的“后续”和“结局”部分：理查德的两条狗来到他的身边帮助他。这两条狗会做什么？理查德会有什么感受？他又会怎么做呢？第七辆车的车主如何救助理查德？理查德会有什么样的结局？

使用括号图和流程图构思情节：

参考范文

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Richard's dogs had been playing in the field and eventually came up to him.Seeing their owner in bad situation, the two dogs surrounded his body to warm him while barking wildly.Moved and motivated,Richard finally struggled to one side of the road with the help of his dogs. Exhausted and painful as he was, he still tried to wave down a driver for fear that he might lose consciousness at any time. He waved and the dogs barked wildly but with no reply from any car.With six cars speeding by and the daylight fading out,a wave of frustration and helplessness gradually swallowed him up.

Paragraph 2:

However, gleams of daylight remained—Richard saw the seventh car.Gathering all his strength, he waved his hands wildly again, hoping for good luck. Fortunately, this time the car stopped. The driver rolled down the window, and when he saw Richard's situation, he got off instantly,rushed to Richard,assisted him in coming into the car and drove to hospital at full speed.In a weak voice,Richard extended his heartfelt gratitude.Finally,Richard got rescued and cured. From then on, whenever he went hunting in new spots, he would take his cell phone and any time he was confronted with a terrible situation, he would encourage himself to stick to the end with this accident.

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

One Sunday last year, eight of us hiked for a couple of hours through the desert near San Diego to reach Thunder Canyon Cave. We had to abseil (沿绳滑下) through an icy waterfall to get inside, so we put on our wetsuits and lowered ourselves 30 feet down. By 11：00 am,we were inside.After we climbed further,we reached a nine-inch crack.Having moved for four hours,I was tired and wet.

The group leader,Luca, was guiding three cavers. One of them, Steve got stuck in the crack. There was 10 minutes of pulling and pushing until Steve was free. He was tired and needed to leave. Luca, assuming I'd been through the crack before, guided Steve through the cave for another 15 minutes to an exit.I was the second from last to go through.I didn't realize that Luca wasn't there—if I'd known, I wouldn't have attempted the crack, as I needed an experienced guide.

The challenge is to put your feet first down the length of the crack,and then move your body sideways to swing along,before dropping five feet to the floor of the next space.On my first attempt,I knew I wouldn't make it through,but the group encouraged me to try again.I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by having to make the long trip back through the cave,so I backed out and took off my wetsuit.In just my T-shirt,I tried to slide through again but my hips (臂部) were trapped. My feet were hanging on the other side and my left arm supported my body.My hand rested on a wooden board that had been left covering boulders (巨石) to protect cavers from slipping. Luca returned and the team tried everything to shift me as I mentally focused on escape.

After two hours my arms weakened, so I slid further into the crack, where the gap was only 8.5 inches wide.My body weight was on my left hand,my back and chest touching the cold stone walls.The guy behind me,Jim,tried unsuccessfully to pull me back.Of course,I was blocking his escape,too.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

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With the risk of the low body temperature,the group supplied me with their own jackets.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Paragraph 2:

After eight hours,Luca found the rescue team.________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【评价导思】

1.续写这篇文章的时候，我是否照应了原文的可续写点？

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2.构思情节的时候，我是否能运用思维导图助推情节发展？

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3.对比范文情节与我的情节构思，它们有哪些异同？不同之处是否合理？

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