An Unforgettable Day

It was Sunday today. We decided to have a picnic on the top of the mountainnear our school. How exciting we were！ We set out early in the morning. After wegot to the top， we were fascinated by the beautiful scenery. After we had a goodtime on the top of the mountain， we began to collect some dry branches to make afire and got ready to do some cooking. Suddenly a shout came out， “Fire， fire，the mountain is in fire！ ”We were very frightened. It was such a sunny dayand it hadnt rained for several months， so the fire spread quickly. We tried ourbest to put the fire out， but we couldnt. Just then， a group of farmers were workingin the fields at the foot of the mountain. They came up to help us as quickly as theycould. Under their help， the fire was finally put out. We felt very sorry. Wedecided to remember the lesson forever.

安徽省濉溪縣百善中心学校 谢新煜

本期点评名师

姜经志 男，中学英语高级教师、淮北市优秀教师、中国外语学习研究会会员、《学英语》《英语周报》《中学生英语》特约编辑；曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》《英语奥林匹克》《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》，参编《初中英语题典大全》《21 世纪英语学习指南》《初中英语新作文》《中学生英语水平测试》等10 余册图书；辅导的学生有30 余人次在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。

点评

优点：这篇文章按时间顺序记叙了作者在山上进行野炊，不小心引起山火的经历，情节跌宕，语言流畅，条理清晰。

需要修改的地方：

①exciting 应改为excited。exciting 通常以事物作主语，而excited 通常以人作主语。

②in fire 应改为on fire。on fire 意为“着火”。

③Under their help 应改为With their help。英语中，with ones help 为固定用法，意为“在某人的帮助下”。

评分：

按中考英语作文满分25 分的评分标准，本文修改前可得22 分。