多角度解读文本，快速构思微型故事

2023-06-02广东聂凌云

疯狂英语·新读写 2023年5期

广东聂凌云

【问题导读】

读后续写要求我们依据原文的内容和所给段落开头语，写一篇与给定材料有逻辑衔接的、情节架构自然的而且结构完整的短文。在续写前，首先要多角度解读原文，关注故事的四要素，了解人物性格，抓住文章线索；在构思故事时，时间、地点要具体，人物要有冲突，情节要有悬念，叙事要有画面感，结尾要升华主题。这就要求我们在短时间内迅速构思微型故事并合情合理地展开续写，这样才能写出佳作，得到高分。

【名师导学】

所给语篇是我们续写的依托和根本。阅读和理解语篇后，我们怎么才能快速构思和续写呢？作为基础阶段的学生，我们可以用关键词法、框架法和“五所”写篇法开始创作，同时加以环境烘托和人物动作、心理描写。在创作过程中，我们要学会从原文中提取关键词和情节构思续写段落和主题，利用段首提示句定好续写框架，并采用“五所”写篇法丰富人物形象和合理推进故事情节，在保证语篇连贯性和简洁性的同时做到有话可写、有情可推、快速构思。

【案例导引】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

“Ada!Milk!”Mama called.

Milk.It was Ada's turn to get it.Ada sighed and shut her first-aid book.Her head hurt from reading in the dim morning light,but how else was she going to learn?

Ada tied the cow close to a tree.Somewhere down the mountain, some volunteer doctors were teaching medical skills to village doctors.Ada heard Doctor Betty drive off hoursago.“She should have taken me with her.She thinks I'm too young, but she's wrong.I am already 16!”Ada thought.

Ada carried the milk back to Mama, and then wandered up the road.Roy, a village boy,had gotten a donkey,and some kids had gathered around to see it.Roy was always doing something to get attention,like now:he was trying to stand on the animal's bare back.

“No wonder they don't trust kids with anything important,”Ada thought, sighing.She had just turned away when she heard a thud and a few screams.Roy lay on the ground nearby moaning in pain.The donkey stood several meters away.“Roy!”The kids nearby ran towards him.“Get Betty,”one said.Ada shook her head,“Betty's gone to the city.”The other kids seemed frozen in place.

Ada ran to where Roy was lying.She dropped to her knees on the dusty road.“Roy!Can you hear me?”Roy moaned in agony.Ada saw that one of his legs was crooked, and bent a little sideways between the knee and the ankle.A broken leg!

She remembered what the first-aid book had said about broken legs:if there is no ambulance,straighten the bone before moving the victim.There certainly wouldn't be any ambulances here.Ada looked back up the road.The other kids were still standing there,watching.“Victor!”Ada called to one of the boys.“Get Roy's mama,and find someone with a truck.”She turned to the others,“Give me your shirts.We need something to tie his leg with.”

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

Ada then found a strong stick,which she would use to keep his leg straight.

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Paragraph 2:

The next day,Betty came to Ada's home._______________________

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文本解读

一、原文的语篇要素

Who When What Where Why How Ada,doctors,Doctor Betty,Roy,the other kids and Roy's mama in the morning Roy's leg was broken.on the road Doctor Betty drove off.Ada helped Roy with his broken leg using her first-aid knowledge.

二、原文的主题

本文讲述了偏远贫困山区的一个孩子在没有医生的情况下，运用自己学到的急救知识，成功地帮助了一个受伤的同伴，得到了贝蒂医生的认可和实现梦想的机会。

三、原文的情节发展：线索和情感

四、构思微型故事

（一）关键词法

在构建段落时，我们可以先从文中提取关键词和情节，这样续写内容才能更贴近原文，我们才能更快确定文章主题和后续走向。

1.Ada sighed and shut her first-aid book.

2.Ada heard Doctor Betty drive off hours ago.“She should have taken me with her.”

3.he was trying to stand on the animal's bare back

4.“No wonder they don't trust kids with anything important,”Ada thought,sighing.

5.The other kids seemed frozen in place.

6.A broken leg!

7.straighten the bone before moving the victim

8.“Get Roy's mama,and find someone with a truck.”

根据以上关键词和原文情节（已在文中画线标注），我们可以迅速概括出续写情节：在没有医生的情况下，艾达用她的急救知识正确地实施了急救，得到了贝蒂医生的认可，最后贝蒂医生带她去学习更多的急救知识，呼应原文的“She should have taken me with her.”。

（二）框架法

仔细阅读所给的段首句，提取句中关键词，构思段落衔接句并结合呼应原文和正能量结尾的原则，思考大致框架。

续写第一段段首句：Ada then found a strong stick, which she would use to keep his leg straight.

根据画线关键词可知，第一段是艾达在进行急救。段落衔接句可写“She gently explained what she was going to do,and then carefully wrapped the shirts around Roy's leg and the stick.”。根据第二段的首句和情节发展可知急救成功，所以第一段的段末句可以写“Ada helped them lift Roy into the truck,and then they drove down the hillside towards the hospital.”。

续写第二段段首句：The next day,Betty came to Ada's home.

根据画线关键词可知，第二段是贝蒂医生对艾达的急救行为做出反馈，呼应原文，得出正能量主题。段落衔接句可写“‘I heard what you did,’Betty said.‘You kept your head in an emergency.That's an important skill.’”，段末呼应前文，升华主题可写“Ada smiled.‘I'll bring my first-aid book.’With a firm look on her face, she knew she would learn more and help more people who were in need.”。

（三）“五所”写篇法

“五所”是指所说、所见、所做、所想和所感。在推理情节的过程中，要把握故事情节的发展脉络，用“何人何时何地做了何事，是何心情，有何感想”的写作方式来构思情节，在框架法的基础上采用“五所”写篇法拓展和丰富段落情节。续写第一段时，我们可以设计的情节有“艾达做了什么？说了什么？感受如何？”“罗伊说了什么？感受如何？”“其他孩子说了什么？做了什么？感受如何？”。续写第二段时，我们可以设计的情节有“贝蒂说了什么？做了什么？艾达说了什么？做了什么？感受如何？”。

（四）侧面描写法

侧面描写在续写中的作用不容忽视。运用侧面描写，我们可以对人物进行多角度映照和多层次烘托，这样，对人物的描写就会达到“横看成岭侧成峰”的丰富境界。如果从一个侧面去描写，人物形象往往单薄。如果从多个侧面去描写，人物形象就比较丰满。在写作中，我们可以尝试以下几种侧面描写法：景物烘托法——通过对自然景物的描绘来烘托人物的心情；他人反映法——听听他人的反映，了解主人公的个性特征。例如：艾达急救时和完成急救后，我们可以通过描写他人的反应和景物烘托让人物更生动、更立体。

（五）动作、心理描写法

动作、心理描写法是指通过对人物动作和心理的描写来丰富人物形象，推动故事情节发展。恰当的动作、心理描写能使我们的续写锦上添花、饱满生动。通常而言，我们可以从人的身体部位展开动作描写来表达人的情绪和心理。例如：第二段续写中艾达在与医生贝蒂谈话时，我们可以加入动作和心理描写来表达她高兴又担心的心情。例如：

Ada's face turned red,with cheeks burning with shyness,“I was afraid...”Betty shook her head.

Ada replied at once,eyes sparkling with excitement.

【参考范文】

Paragraph 1:

Ada then found a strong stick, which she would use to keep his leg straight.She gently explained what she was going to do,and then carefully wrapped the shirts around Roy's leg and the stick.（所做)Roy cried out in pain.“I know it hurts,”Ada said softly.“But this will hold it still until you get to the hospital.”（所说）When Ada was done, she looked up and saw Roy's mama watching from a few meters away, worried about Roy.Behind her was a neighbor in a pickup truck.（所见）When Ada stepped away, Roy's mama ran over and held Roy's face in her hands.“Thank you, Ada,”she said, with tears in eyes.（侧面描写）Ada helped them lift Roy into the truck, and then they drove down the hillside towards the hospital.（所做）There was cheer in every face and the air was filled with an admiringsmell.（侧面描写）Ada looked into the distance,with relief and determination.Paragraph 2:

The next day,Betty came to Ada's home.“I heard what you did,”Betty said.“You kept your head in an emergency.That's an important skill.”（所说）Ada's face turned red, with cheeks burning with shyness,“I was afraid...”Betty shook her head.（动作、心理描写）“It's OK for a nurse to be afraid,as long as she has a clear head.The volunteer doctors are coming tomorrow with vaccines.We need some more hands.Can you help?”（所说）“I'd love to,”Ada replied at once, eyes sparkling with excitement.（动作、心理描写）“Come early,then.There is a lot to learn.”Ada smiled,“I'll bring my first-aid book.”（呼应原文）With a firm look on her face, she knew she would learn more and help more people who were in need.（主题）

【模拟导练】

阅读下面材料，根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段，使之构成一篇完整的短文。

Kent was a manager of a furniture agency.His establishment nearly went bankrupt(倒闭) because of the wrong decision he had made.He was so regretful and depressed that he planned to drive to a bar alone to release his emotions.

It was near midnight in an extremely cold winter,and the temperature was minus 9 degrees centigrade.There were few people in the street.Suddenly, a figure of an old madam entered his line of sight.She was standing sideways near a platform, dressed in a plain coat,dragging a suitcase and holding a plastic bag.The slight old lady was seemingly more than 80.She was trembling in the cutting wind.Now she kept motioning Kent for a ride.Although Kent was somewhat angry about the old madam's disturbing, he wouldn't like to leave her on a cold night.He noticed she coughed violently and thought that she might be ill and really needed help.So he braked near her.

The madam said,“Would you please take me for a ride? I can offer double fare...”Kent interrupted her,“I will charge you nothing!Come on!”The madam pointed to her luggage and said,“Could you put my suitcase into the car?”Kent stepped out and put it into the car.

Kent proceeded to drive.He stopped at a petrol station where he wanted to purchase gallons of gasoline (汽油).During the interval they waited in a queue.The madam beganher narration,“Could you please send me to the charity house in the suburbs? I want to send them something.I was given help there 50 years ago.The president and workers were all good guys.”She burst into tears.“Now they've all passed away.Life was tough at that time,but we all loved and cared about each other.I've held a desire to be back there again for a long time.”Kent realized the madam was recalling a section of the good missing days.A complicated feeling surrounded him,and he decided to cancel his plan and stay with the old madam.

注意：续写词数应为150左右。

Paragraph 1:

After a two-hour drive,they came to the gate of their destination.______

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Paragraph 2:

Hearing this, Kent lapsed into silence, because he knew the rest home was for patients with incurable diseases.____________________________________

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【评价导思】

1.请提取文章关键词并概括情节。

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2.请利用框架法写好段落衔接句和主题句。

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