Charlie’s Raven (Excerpt III)

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Charlie carried Blue Sky to a small log cabin that stood a weasel leap from the main house. More than a hundred years ago the cabin had been part of the individual tourist motels in Yellowstone National Park. When the park modernized, the superintendent offered the old-fashioned cabins to whomever would haul them away. Granddad and Charlie’s father, Chris, had taken three.One was set behind Granddad’s big house as a guest house. The other two had been expanded into a home for Chris and his family on the other side of the irrigation ditch. Chris and Nancy Carlisle, and Charlie’s little brother,Andy, had lived there until two years ago. Growing up next door to Granddad had been a happy time for Charlie. He often accompanied him on treks to the wilderness to study plants and wildlife.He had scrambled over rocks to track the little pikas, or mountain rabbits, and had climbed trees with him to help put bands on hawks and owls.

2 Then Charlie graduated from the local grammar school in Morton just down the road. Morton had no middle or upper schools, and so Chris and Nan-cy Carlisle rented out their cabin and moved to Jackson. In the thriving town Charlie attended the valley’s only mid-dle and upper schools, and Andy went to the Jackson elementary school. This worked out well for Charlie’s dad. He could walk to the office of Outdoor Ad-venture Trips, Inc., his tourist service, which took people down rivers and into the mountains. The business had been growing rapidly in recent years.

查理抱着蓝天来到小木屋。这个小木屋离牧场的主屋只有黄鼠狼跳一下就能到的距离。一百多年前，这个小木屋曾经是黄石国家公园个人游客汽车旅馆的一部分。公园现代化改造的时候，管理者提出，无论是谁，只要能把过时的木屋拖走就好。爷爷和查理的爸爸克里斯拖走了三个小木屋。一个放在爷爷大房子的后面当作客房。另外两个扩展为克里斯和他家人的房子，放在灌溉渠的另一边。克里斯和南希·卡莱尔以及查理的小弟弟安迪在那里住，两年前才离开。住在爷爷的隔壁慢慢长大，对查理而言非常幸福。查理经常跟着爷爷到野外远足，去研究植物和野生动物。他曾经手脚并用爬过岩石去追踪鼠兔，或称小山兔，也爬上树去帮着爷爷给老鹰和猫头鹰套上脚环。

2后来查理从路边莫顿村的当地语法学校毕业了。莫顿没有中学，于是克里斯和南希·卡莱尔出租了他们的小木屋，搬去了杰克逊镇。在这个繁荣的小镇上，查理上了山谷中唯一的中学，安迪去了杰克逊小学。这样的安排对查理的爸爸而言很棒。他可以走着上班，他经营的户外冒险旅行有限公司是旅游服务公司，负责带游客沿河而下，进入山区。最近几年生意发展得很快。

3Charlie had been devastated by the move, and Granddad knew it. After his heart attack, he and Grandma Sally fixed up the little Yellowstone guest cabin behind the ranch house and put in a new cot, bedside table, bureau and desk, a chair and oil lamps. “The cabin is yours for the summer and whenever you want to come,” Granddad told Charlie when he and his mother came to visit one late-spring day after school.

4Charlie moved into the cabin as fast as a chipmunk dives into a woodpile when a hawk is overhead. He spread furs on the floor, hung pictures of falcons and mountain lions on the wall,and put comforters on the cot. Nights were cold in the mountain valley even in summer.

5The cabin became Charlie’s kingdom. It wasn’t large, about twelve feet by twelve feet, and it was dark. The small windows were designed to keep out the grizzly bears of Yellowstone National Park. Its very darkness made the cabin as cozy as a wolf’s den.

3查理的心情因为搬家糟透了，爷爷知道这一点。爷爷心脏病发作以后，就跟奶奶萨莉一起修了修那个从黄石公园拖来放在牧场主屋后面的小木屋客房，往里面放了新的折叠床、床头柜、写字台和书桌、一把椅子和几个油灯。“小木屋夏天给你用。无论什么时候只要你想来都可以。”春末的一天，查理放学之后跟妈妈一起来看爷爷，爷爷告诉查理。

4查理飞快地搬进了小木屋，其动作之迅捷，就像是花栗鼠看到头顶上有老鹰立马钻进木柴堆。查理在地上铺上毛皮，墙上挂了游隼和美洲狮的图片，折叠床上放了盖被。即便是夏天，山谷中晚上也很冷。

5小木屋成了查理的王国。木屋不大，十二英尺长十二英尺宽，光线暗淡。窗户设计得很小，是为了防范黄石国家公园里的灰熊。恰恰是暗淡的光线使得小屋像狼窝一样舒适。

6When he had moved in, Charlie had been worried about Granddad. But now he knew the old naturalist would be all right. He had a raven to cure him. He put the young bird in a bowl-shaped Shawnee Indian basket on the floor and sat down beside him. When the little raven’s eyes adjusted to the dim light,he fixed them on Charlie’s blue eyes and stared unblinking for almost six minutes. Charlie sensed magic passing between them. He wasn’t sure why, but he felt great pleasure. He wrote, “Looking at me”goes in the Good list.

6查理刚刚搬进来的时候还担心爷爷的健康。但现在他知道这位老博物学家不会有问题了。爷爷有一只渡鸦来给他治病。查理把幼鸟放在地板上一只碗形的肖尼印第安人篮子里，然后坐在鸟儿旁边。当小渡鸦的眼睛适应了暗淡的光线，就目不转睛盯着查理的蓝眼睛看，大概有六分钟。查理感觉他们之间仿佛有一种魔力。查理不能确定为什么，但觉得极为快乐。查理写下记录：

“盯着我看”算在优点清单里。

【背景知识】跟弟弟安迪性格不同，查理在博物学家爷爷的影响下，爱上了大自然。他随着家人搬到了镇子里上学，但仍然心系山林，渴望着继续亲近大自然。爷爷看出了查理的心事，就腾出了小木屋让查理居住。查理的大自然探索之旅得以继续。

【第一段】此处a weasel leap（几米远）用来表示距离，很独特。译者原本想只翻译意义“几米远”，后来觉得保留原文的意象也不错。动词modernize 的译文为“现代化改造”，添加了范畴词“改造”，使得语义更明晰。句子Growing up next door to Granddad had been a happy time for Charlie 有几种译法，可以调换语序为“对查理而言，住在爷爷隔壁慢慢长大是幸福时光”。不过，如此一来，原文的信息起点“慢慢长大”就过于后置了。译文尝试在尽量保持原文信息结构的情况下让中文通顺：住在爷爷的隔壁慢慢长大，对查理而言非常幸福。原文中的代词在译文中有多处被替换为名词，因为中文里代词多了会指代不清。

【第二段】原文中的middle or upper schools（中学或综合学校高级班），如果照原文直译，在中文里显得信息多余，于是译文只保留了“中学”。句子This worked out well for Charlie’s dad 可以翻译为“对查理的爸爸而言，这一切都很好”。但是原文中的this 承接上文，承上启下。为了维持句子之间的连贯，译文是“这样的安排对查理的爸爸而言很棒”，呼应了上面的句子。

【第三段】第一句原文的主语是查理（查理被这一次搬家毁了），译文增译为“查理的心情因为搬家糟透了”，因为译者判断“查理被毁”过于夸张，于是细化为“心情糟透”。

【第四段】第一句原文用明喻的形式表达查理飞快地搬家，显示他心情急迫。译文保留了原文的比喻，重复了“飞快地”“动作之迅捷”，以便传递原文的强调效果。

【第五段】第一句中的kingdom 是隐喻“王国”，译文照搬过来。后面的dark 和darkness 分别译为“光线暗淡”和“暗淡的光线”，都添加了“光线”，让意思更明确。

【第六段】原文第一句中的worried about Granddad（担心爷爷），译文明确为“担心爷爷的健康”。原文第二句是正面说法would be all right（会一切正常），译文使用了反译法“不会有问题了”。这一段原文里使用了很多代词，译文中多处替换为名词，否则容易混淆。

【小结】在该选段的译文中，译者尝试在几个地方保留原文的信息结构，让上下文之间更加连贯，同时尽量让中文通顺。此外，在必要的地方译者使用了增译方法，让句子意义更清楚。鉴于中英文之间代词的使用频率不同，译文里将原文的多个代词替换为名词。