谷爱凌：我承认，我爱上了恐惧

苏璐

恐惧，是人人都会面对的“怪物”，考试、比赛、公开演讲等都可能让我们恐惧。当18岁的谷爱凌站在高高的起跳台上，起跳、在空中旋转时，她是如何克服内心的恐惧，又是怎么爱上恐惧的？

For the last 10 of my 18 years， I’vepursued a tumultuous love affair withfear. I’m a professional freeskier， andtwin-tipped skis， 22-foot halfpipesand double-cork rotations are mymain sources of adrenaline， thetruly addictive core of extremesports.

在我18年人生的后10年里，我都对恐惧保持着一种狂热的爱。我是一名职业自由式滑雪运动员，滑雪板、22英尺深的U型池和转体两周的动作是我兴奋的主要来源，也是极限运动中真正让人上瘾的内核。

Like all bewitching lovers， this significant other can be… mercurial. “Fear” is really an umbrella term for threedistinct sensations： excitement， uncertainty， and pressure.I’ve learned that the nuanced indicators of each of thesefeelings can be instrumental to success when recognizedand positively leveraged， and harbingers of injury whenignored.

就像所有令人着迷的恋人一样，我的“另一半”可能会……反复无常。实际上，恐惧是三种不同感觉的总称：兴奋、不确定性和压力。我发现，如果能识别并积极利用这些微妙的感觉，就会对成功有帮助;而如果忽视它们，这些感觉往往就是受伤的前兆。

Though it’s easy to label extreme sport athletes asfearless or capricious， the countless hours I’ve spentvisualizing tricks and practicing them in foam pits and onairbags suggest otherwise. It’s biologically counterintuitivefor us to place ourselves in positions of risk， and whilewe make every effort to physically prepare， no amount ofmetaphorically safety-netted practice can equate to theunforgiving snow slope that rushes up to meet us after asteep kicker launches us into the air. Instead of ignoringfear， we build unique relationships with it by developing a profound sense of self-awareness and making deliberaterisk assessments.虽然极限运动员很容易被贴上无畏、任性的标签，但为了构思和练习动作，我曾在泡沫坑里和安全气囊上度过无数个小时。我们要违背生物直觉，把自己置于风险中。虽然我们会尽一切努力做好准备，但再多的安全网模拟训练，也无法与从陡坡上起飞、把身体抛到空中并疾驰滑下雪坡相提并论。我们并非无视恐惧，而是通过培养深刻的自我意识、进行深入的风险评估，与恐惧建立起独特的关系。

The work begins with visualization. Before I attempta new trick， I feel a tightening high in my chest， betweenthe base of my throat and the top of my diaphragm. I take adeep breath and close my eyes. As I ascend the gargantuantakeoff ramp， I imagine extending my legs to maximizelift. Then I picture twisting my upper body in the oppositedirection I intend to spin， generating torque before I allowit to snap back the other way.

與恐惧建立关系的第一步是具象化。在尝试一个新动作前，我的胸腔会有一种紧张感。我深吸一口气，闭上眼睛。当我站上起跳台，我想象着自己最大限度地伸展双腿，提高升力。然后，我看到自己以相反的方向扭转上半身，产生扭矩，再让身体朝另一个方向弹回来。

Now， in my mind， I’mairborne. I see the backsideof the takeoff immediately，then my flip draws my vision to the cloudless sky aboveme. My ears register the wind as a kind of song， every360-degree rotation providing the beat to the music ofmy motion. As my feet come under me halfway through， Ispot the landing for the briefest of moments before I pullmy body into the second flip. I imagine my legs swingingunder me as I return to a forward-facing position and meetthe ground with my weight in the front of my boots. 1440degrees. I smile. Then I open my eyes.

现在，在我的脑海里，我已飞在空中。跃起后，我立即看到自己的背后，接着身体旋转让我的视线投向头顶万里无云的天空。风声就像我耳中的音乐，每次360°转体都在为我的运动提供节拍。当我的双脚在身体下方，我将身体转入第二个空翻前的一瞬，我会定位落地点。我想象自己的双腿在摆动，身体回到面向正前方的姿势，将重心放在雪鞋前端落地。1440°转体动作完成。我露出微笑，然后睁开眼睛。

In the split second following my visualization， the knotin my chest flutters and spreads — those famous butterfliesreaching their final stage of metamorphosis. Excitement，the child of adrenaline， my true love and addiction. Thattantalizingly precarious balance between confidence inmy ability to execute the trick safely and excitement forthe unpredictable experience to come. I’ve heard this statecalled “the zone，” which is indeed where I was when Ibecame the first female skier in history to land the doublecork 1440 last fall.

想象结束后，我胸腔中的紧迫感会扑腾着舒展开——这时，就来到了破茧成蝶的关键阶段。兴奋，随着肾上腺素产生，那是我酷爱并沉迷的东西。我既有安全创造奇迹的自信，又有对将至的未知体验的兴奋，二者间不稳定的平衡让我欲罢不能。我听说这种状态被称为“入境”，去年秋天，当我成为史上第一个完成空翻两周转体1440°的女性双板滑雪运动员时，我进入了那样的状态。

It doesn’t take much， unfortunately， for uncertainty tooverride confidence. Imperfect preparation moistens mypalms， pushes that tight spot down into my stomach andmakes each breath shallower than the last. The feelingisn’t panic， but something like dread. Danger！ cries everyevolutionary instinct. If I should choose to look past thissafety mechanism， my body may act autonomously in theair， twisting out of the rotation and forcing me to brace forimpact out of fear that full commitment to the trick may endin disaster. Every freeskier’s goal is to recognize the minutedifferences between excitement and uncertainty in order tomaximize performance while minimizing the risk of injury.

遗憾的是，犹豫往往能轻易压倒信心。不完美的准备会让我手心出汗，并让紧张感由胸腔转至腹腔，使呼吸变得更困难。这种感觉不是惊慌，更像是丧失了勇气。每一种进化的本能都在呼喊“危险”！如果我选择忽略这个安全机制，我的身体就可能在空中不由自主地行动，旋转失去控制，迫使我为即将遭受的冲击做好准备。每位自由式滑雪运动员的目标都是识别出兴奋和不确定性之间的细微差别，以便在最大限度发挥能力的同时，最大限度降低受伤风险。

Finally， there’s pressure， an energy source that canbe wielded in many ways. One’s experience of pressure—by far the most subjective facet of “fear” —is affectedby personal experiences and perspectives. Expectations of family and friends， a competitive streak， or evensponsorship opportunities can provide the scaffolding for ahigh-pressure environment. Pressure can be a positive forcefor competitors who leverage it to rise to the occasion， butit can also single-handedly dictate competitive failure.

最后是压力，一种能以多种方式释放的动力源。压力是“恐惧”最主观的一面，一个人的压力体验会受到自身经历和观点的影响。亲友的期望、激烈的竞争乃至赞助的机会，都可能成为高压环境的“脚手架”。对能掌控压力的选手来说，压力是助其迎接挑战的积极力量，但压力也可能会让人一败涂地。

But whether athletes alleviate or compound theirinnate desire to “prove themselves” depends largely onconfidence. As I enter my early adulthood， I’m proud of thework I’ve done to cope with pressure by bolstering my selfesteemand minimizing my need for external validation. Ifocus on gratitude， perspective， and on the joy this sportbrings me， regardless of whether I’m alone or in front ofa worldwide TV audience. Though my views of myself andthe world are constantly evolving， one thing is for certain：no matter how much time passes， I’ll always be a hopelessromantic when it comes to fear.

不過，对于埋藏在心底、渴望“证明自己”的欲望，运动员是压抑还是强化，很大程度上取决于他们的信心。步入成年期后，我选择通过增强自尊、尽量减少对外界认可需求的方式来应对压力，对此我很自豪。无论是孤身一人还是面向世界观众，我都专注于感恩与观察，并享受这项运动带给我的快乐。虽然我对自己和世界的看法会不断变化，但有一点不会变：无论时间如何流逝，在恐惧面前，我都会是一个无可救药的浪漫主义者。

——摘自《纽约时报》，有删减