How to say the unsayable

四川 谷生伟

在生活中，我们每天都不可避免地需要和很多人进行沟通。 然而，在沟通中，总有些话难以说出口，这种情况下怎么办呢？

There's a conversation you're avoiding. It feels important and you are putting it off. But delaying doesn't solve anything. Getting started might involve some awkward moments, but, after that, the situation is open for discussion and exploration. Tried and tested approaches can help to smooth the way.Here are some useful tips from my experience as a psychotherapist (精神治疗医生).

Listen to understand

Instead of working out what to say next while the other person is speaking, just listen. Check your understanding by repeating what you heard with empathy, starting with something like “Have I got this right? You feel...” Repeating their view back also helps the other person to feel heard and respected.

In those conversations about disagreement,try to present the most positive aspects of the other person's view, which can help both of you to find common ground.

Support, don't “fix”

Instead of proposing ways to fix a problem,ask what solutions they have considered or what they would advise someone else in their situation to do. It's surprising how often a person feeling completely stuck can tell you the great advice they would give a friend in the same position.

Look after yourself

If you are left feeling unsettled by a conversation, remember to treat yourself kindly. Some people take five minutes to walk outdoors or to focus on their breathing, which helps them to recentre themselves.

Don't pick up the other person's burden: the solution is for them to find, but compassionate conversation can help others to process their experiences. That is often helpful enough.