淳于髡巧谏齐威王

仙辑

淳于髡[kūn]，齊国黄县（今山东省龙口市）人，战国时期齐国政治家、思想家，齐之赘婿，齐威王拜其为政卿大夫。

淳于髡身高不到七尺，滑稽幽默，能言善辩，多次出使诸侯国。齐威王喜欢听隐语，爱好整夜饮酒淫乐，把国家政事都交给卿大夫去管，结果百官胡作非为，惹的诸侯各国都来攻打，眼看国家就要危亡了，可是齐王左右的人都不敢解劝。这时淳于髡就用隐语对齐威王说：“有一只大鸟，落在国王的院子里，已经三年了，不飞也不叫，大王知道这只鸟是怎么回事吗？”齐威王说：“这只鸟不飞便罢，一飞冲天；不鸣便罢，一鸣惊人。”说完之后，立刻召集齐国境内各县的县令都来开会，会上奖励了一个人，杀掉了一个人，接着发兵出战。这让诸侯各国都很震惊，赶快把侵占去的土地还给了齐国。

齐威王八年，楚国派大军攻打齐国。齐王派淳于髡去赵国请求援兵，让他带着黄金百斤、马车十辆做礼物。淳于髡一看，哈哈大笑。齐王问：“先生是嫌礼物少吗？”淳于髡说：“怎敢嫌少！”齐王说：“那你为什么笑呢？”淳于髡说：“刚才我从东面来时，看见路边有个农民在那里祭田神。他左手拿着一只猪蹄，右手拿着一杯酒，祝祷说：‘请保佑我高坡的收成满筐量，坑洼的收成用车装；五谷丰登，粮食满仓。我看他拿出来的祭品虽然不多，但想要的东西却满不少的哩！所以我笑他。”齐威王于是给他增添了黄金千镒、白璧十对、车马百辆。淳于髡辞别威王，到了赵国。赵王为淳于髡派出了精兵十万，战车千辆。楚军听到这个消息，当夜就撤兵回去了。

Chun Yukun， a native of Huang County （todays Longkou City in Shandong Province） in the Kingdom of Qi and a statesman and thinker of the Kingdom of Qi in the Warring States Period， was a son-in-law who lived in the home of his wifes parents in the Kingdom of Qi. King Wei of Qi made him the Grand Master for Political Affairs.

Less than 176 cm in height， Chun Yukun was funny， humorous， and silver-tongued. He was sent on diplomatic missions to other kingdoms for many times. King Wei of Qi enjoyed listening to puns and indulged himself in drinking and carnal pleasures. He assigned all the state affairs to grand masters. Eventually， officials acted disorderly and put the kingdom at stake. Nevertheless， those by the side of the king were afraid to advise. Then Chun Yukun told a pun to the king： “A big bird fell into a kings courtyard and stayed there for three years without singing or flying away. Do you know why？” The king answered： “The bird wont fly unless it flies up to the sky. It wont sing unless its singing amazes all.” After these words， he immediately convened the county magistrates of all counties in the Kingdom of Qi for a meeting， in which he praised a person and killed another one before he sent troops to fight. It stunned other kingdoms， which hurriedly returned the lands they occupied from the Kingdom of Qi.

In the eighth year of the reign of King Wei of Qi， the Kingdom of Chu sent troops to attack the Kingdom of Qi. The king of the Kingdom of Qi sent Chun Yukun to the Kingdom of Zhao for military aid. He told Chun Yukun to take a hundred jin （50 kilograms） of gold and ten horsedrawn carts with him as gifts. Chun Yukun laughed when he saw them. The king asked： “Do you think the gifts are inadequate？” Chun Yukun replied： “How can I say so？” The king said： “So why did you laugh？” Chun Yukun answered： “I came from the east and saw a farmer worshipping the God of Farmlands by the road. With a pigs foot in his left hand and a cup of wine in his right hand， he prayed： ‘Please bless me with a bumper harvest of crops overfilling my barn， reflected by baskets of crops for the highland and carts of crops for the lowland. I found he prayed for a lot in spite of offering few sacrifices. That is why I laughed at him.” Hence， King Wei of Qi increased the gifts to 1，000 yi （1，000 kilograms） of gold， 10 pairs of white jade， and 100 horse-drawn carts. Chun Yukun bade farewell to King Wei and went to the Kingdom of Zhao.