如何建立自信

Grace Fleming 金绅

How many times have you hesitated1 or kept quiet when you knew the answer to a question？ Then how did it feel when somebody else answered with the right answer and received praise？

Its not unusual for teens to avoid answering questions in front of others because theyre too shy or too afraid of being wrong.

Sometimes a lack of self-confidence comes merely from a lack of experience.

You may not feel so confident about answering questions out loud， or acting in a stage play if youve never done it before. These feelings will change as you grow and experience more things in your life.

Sometimes， however， a lack of self-confidence can come from feelings of insecurity2. Sometimes we have bad feelings about ourselves and we bury them deep inside. When we do this， we tend not to assert3 ourselves and take chances because we fear our “secrets” will be revealed4.

If your lack of self-confidence comes from bad feelings you harbor about yourself， you are also experiencing something perfectly normal and common. But its a normal feeling that you can and should change！

当你知道一个问题的答案时，你有多少次犹豫不决或保持沉默？那么，当别人回答正确并受到表扬时，你又是什么感觉呢？

对于青少年来说，回避在别人面前回答问题的情况并不罕见，这是因为他们太害羞或太害怕出错。

有时缺乏自信只源于缺乏经验。

如果你以前从未做过，那你可能就会对大声回答问题或在舞台剧中表演没那么自信。随着你的成长，以及生活体验的增加，这些感觉将会有所改变。

然而，有时缺乏自信可能源于不安全感。有时我们自己感觉很糟糕，但却把它们埋藏在内心深处。当我们这样做时，我们并不倾向于彰显自我和冒险，因为我们害怕我们的“秘密”会被揭露。

如果你缺乏自信是源于自我感觉很糟糕，那么你正在经历的是一些非常正常和普通的事情。而你能够并且应该去改变这种感受！

Identify the Cause for Your Lack of Self-confidence

If you have a fear that people will see your shortcoming5， you will find it difficult to assert yourself. Your shortcoming may have to do with your looks， your size， your intelligence， your past， or your family experience.

In building self-confidence， your first goal is to develop a realistic understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. Youll have to take a difficult first step and look inside yourself to discover why you feel vulnerable6.

找出你缺乏自信的原因

如果你害怕別人看到你的短处，你会发现很难坚持自己的观点。你的短处可能和你的外表、体型、智力、过去或家庭经历有关。

在建立自信心时，你的首要目标是对自己的长处和短处有一个现实的理解。你必须迈出艰难的第一步，审视自己的内心，找出自己为什么感到脆弱的原因。

Face Your Fear Head-on

To get started on your self-exploration， go to a quiet and comfortable place and think about the things that make you feel bad about yourself.

It can be painful to think about the root of your bad feelings， but it is healthy to root out something that is hidden deep inside and to work through it.

Once you have found the root of your bad feelings， youll need to determine what you can do to change them. Should you change your eating habits？ Exercise？ Read a self-help book？ Any action you take—even the act of thinking about your problem—is a step toward getting it out in the open and eventually healing.

Once you have a full understanding of your problem， you will find that your fear decreases. When the fear goes away， the hesitation7 goes away and you can and will start asserting yourself more.

直面你的恐懼

为了开始探寻自我，去一个安静舒适的地方，想想那些让你对自己感觉不太好的事情。

思考自己糟糕情绪的根源可能是痛苦的，但是揪出某个隐藏在内心的东西并努力克服它则有益于健康。

一旦你确定了糟糕情绪的根源，你就需要确定你能做些什么来改变它们。要改变你的饮食习惯吗？要做锻炼吗？要读一本励志的书吗？你所采取的任何行动——甚至是你反思自己的问题的行为——都是朝着敞开心扉并最终解决问题的方向迈出的一步。

一旦你完全理解了你的问题所在，你就会发现你的恐惧感减少了。当恐惧退却，犹豫消散，你就能够而且将会开始表现得更加坚定。

Celebrate Your Strengths

Its not enough to identify your weaknesses or your problem areas. You also have great aspects about yourself that you need to explore！You can start doing this by making a big list of things you have accomplished and the things you do well. Have you ever taken the time to explore your strengths？

You were born with some natural talent， whether you have discovered it or not.

Do you always make people laugh？ Are you artistic？ Can you organize things？ Do you remember names？

All of these traits8 are things that can become very valuable as you get older. They are skills that are absolutely essential in community organizations， in college， and on the job. If you can do any of them well， you have traits to cherish！

Once you have taken the two steps above， identifying your vulnerability9 and identifying your greatness， you will start feeling an increase in your confidence. You decrease your anxiety by facing your fears， and you start liking yourself better by celebrating your natural strengths.

赞美自己的长处

确定你的弱点或问题所在也还不够。你也要探索自己好的方面！你可以从列出你已经完成的事情和你做得好的事情开始。你有花时间去发掘过你的长处吗？

不管你是否已经发现，你天生就有某些天赋。

你总能让人开怀大笑吗？你有艺术天赋吗？你能把事情安排得井井有条吗？你记得住名字吗？

所有这些特质都会随着年龄的增长而变得非常有价值。它们是在社区、大学和工作中都必不可少的技能。如果你擅长其中的任何一种，那么你就拥有值得珍惜的特质！

一旦你采取了上述两个步骤，认识了你的弱点和你的长处，你会开始感觉信心在增加。你可以正视恐惧以减少你的焦虑，并赞美自己天生的长处让自己喜欢自己更多一点。

Change Your Behavior

It is said that we can change our feelings by changing our behavior. For example， some studies have shown that we become happier if we walk around with a smile on our faces.

You can speed up your path to increased self-confidence by changing your behavior.

Try smiling more. This will help you fight off feelings of negativity.

Compliment10 others on their strengths. Youll find that other people will return the favor and compliment you back. We all like to hear good things about ourselves！

Exercise and get enough sleep. Both of these improve our moods. Youll feel better inside and outside！

Take time every night to plan for the next day. By planning ahead we avoid mistakes that make us feel bad about ourselves.

改变你的行为

据说我们可以通过改变自己的行为来改变自己的感觉。例如，一些研究表明，如果我们到处走动时面带微笑，会变得更快乐。

你可以通过改变你的行为来更快地增强自信。

试着多微笑。这将有助于你消除负面情绪。

称赞他人的长处。你会发现其他人会予以回报并恭维你。我们都喜欢听到关于自己的好话！

锻炼并保证充足的睡眠。这两种行为都能改善我们的情绪。你会从内到外都感觉更好！

每天晚上花点时间做好第二天的计划。通过事先计划，我们可以避免犯一些会让我们自己感到不快的错误。

Use a Third Person Approach

There is an interesting study that shows that there may be a trick to meeting our goals more quickly. The trick？ Think about yourself in the third person as you evaluate your progress.

The study measured the progress in two groups of people who were attempting to make a positive change in their lives. The people in this study were divided into two groups. One group was encouraged to think in the first person. The second group was encouraged to think of their progress from an outsiders point of view.

Interestingly， the participants who thought about themselves from an outsiders perspective enjoyed a faster path to improvement.

As you go through the process of improving your self-image and increasing your self-confidence， try to think of yourself as a separate person. Picture yourself as a stranger who is on a path toward positive change.

Be sure to celebrate this persons accomplishments11！

从旁观者的角度看待问题

有一项有趣的研究显示，也许有一种方法可以更快地达到我们的目标。诀窍是什么？当你评价你自己的进步时，从旁观者的角度来思考一下。

这项研究测量了两组试图在生活中做出积极改变的人的进步。参与研究的人被分为两组。一组被鼓励从第一人称的角度思考。另一组则被鼓励从旁观者的角度去考虑他们的进步。

有趣的是，那些从旁观者的角度考虑自己的人进步得更快。

在你改善自我形象和增强自信的过程中，你可以试着把自己想象成一个不同的人。想象自己是一个正朝着积极方向改变的陌生人。

一定要稱赞这个人的成就！